Among Friends

[branny]

kind of sounds like you don't really like this person. You invited her into your issues and when she asks how you are doing you don't want to talk and get angry. Why not just say all is well and thanks so much for your help.  

[Effie54]

@haddon9  You didn't do anything wrong. So I understand your frustration. Your friends seems very anxious and seems to have that anticipation that anyone she refers her medical professionals to has to report right away....with details. You two just might have different relating/communicating styles. Hers is she wants to know "right away"...and yours is once you get settled in, you'll let her know (which is preferable). If she had you hospitalized in her mind when you went to her OB/GYN, then to me it shows she has anticipatory anxiety. But again, you did nothing wrong. It's good that you like this new doc. Always a plus! 

[haddon9]

@Effie54 Thanks so much!  In my heart I know that I didn't do anything wrong.

[Effie54]

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@haddon9 wrote:

@Effie54 Thanks so much!  In my heart I know that I didn't do anything wrong but I feel that if I let her she could walk all over me and I just don't like that.  I think most people don't feel like reporting to someone...she's not my mother for goodness sakes.

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@haddon9  I know what you're saying. It can become a little suffocating at times. You could always tell her that you'll let her know (get in touch with her) after you've had a moment to destress. But I totally get where you're coming from. 

[msgb]

What happens with your health if for you. 

It is up to you what you do and don't want to share.

Perhaps go to a different friend if you need a referral for another doctor.

[Janey2]

I would never tell this woman anything personnel. Next time you need a doctor ask your primary. They are usually very happy to give recommendations. 

[haddon9]

@Effie54 I like your response and I'm going to use it.  I'll just say that I appreciate her concern but I need time for myself to de stress and unwind from the visit and the day.  

Thanks!

[Carmie]

It sounds like the friend chooses great doctors.  Thank her for the info and then let it go.

You don't have to tell her when your appointment is or if you even have one.

After your visit, at your leisure, you can thank her for the recommendation if you wish.

She is being a bother, but you are enabling her.

[D Kay]

Maybe she just feels overly responsible for how the visits went because she referred you to those doctors.  

[Jersey Born]

@haddon9 - I understand exactly how you feel. Exactly. I know someone like your friend. 

All you can do to keep the friendship peaceful is, going forward, not ask her for any more referrals to a doctor, and not even inform her you are going to a medical appointment. Don't reveal any medical issues you are having to her, either. She will want to become involved and might even want to direct your care. She is likely very well-meaning, but her level of desire to know every detail about your doctor/patient experiences makes you feel uncomfortable. As others have mentioned, her pervasive invasiveness is inherent to her personality.

She will never change, and she will just get upset with your lack of full disclosure to her about your personal medical matters. I hope your friend will not "punish" you for not racing to your phone to call her about your appointment. Your friend might suddenly become unavailable to you, or ignore you by not returning your phone calls or texts for a couple of weeks, etc., sort of "to teach you a lesson" for not behaving as she desired,