Among Friends

[Hoovermom]

I helped my DM clean out my DGM's house many years ago and was stunned at all the items she had kept, scraps of paper, paperclips, every floral arrangement she had ever received, money stuck inside books, you name it I saw it.  My DM's house was different because we started helping her sort through things when my dad became ill.  Her house was easy.......  I went to my own home determined to touch everything in my house and basement.  I did this after DS was married and had seen what DDIL preferred.  She is classic Pottery Barn and I am a class traditionalist.  It made it so much easier for me to weed out things I had hung on to.  I did offer things to her but she wanted very little.  I think sometimes I was offended because I think I have very good taste in decorating and fashion.  Anyway, as far as the pictures, if it did not have any family member in them, I tossed them.  Sent all of the boxes to SA.  A year or so later I went back through all of the house and basement and realized a lot of the stuff I hung on to didn't mean as much to me then.  It make it easier.  I feel like now I won't be much a burden on my DS or even DDIL if anything happens to me.  I plan on going through the "stuff" again and probably will whittle it down again.  Keep at it.....it does get easier over time.

[manny2]

You are tossing more than stuff. You are mourning the life you once had. It’s not easy, but it does get easier with each thing you get rid of.

Once you do it you feel lighter, and you will still have the memories.

Stuff comforts us because we are surrounded by the familiar. Let it go little by little. Keep what you cherish, and just get rid of the rest.

[Puppy Lips]

I have a hard time of getting rid of things.  But, once they are gone, I rarely think about them again.

But this is what makes it much easier for me - I take a picture of it.  This all started YEARS ago when I was donating an outfit that was likely too small.  I remember thinking that I did not have a photo of me wearing it.  So I laid it across the bed and took a picture of it.  Of course I still remember exactly what it looked like.  Having a photo of it made it easier to donate.

That started me on the habit of taking a picture of all the clothes and sometimes household items that I donate or throw out.  Somehow if I have a picture, it is easier for me.  Back when I was still using a film camera, of course those photos were printed along with all the others.  When a niece was looking through one of my albums, this niece, who always spoke her mind (RIP), said, "Why are there pictures of junk in here?"  It was a bit embarassing at the time.  Now, with my digital camera, I don't print the photos of stuff I get rid of, but I know I have them.

So that is what works for me.  I will read the other comments and I am sure the other posters here have other and better ideas.  Good luck in your downsizing.  My dear Mom passed away over two years ago and I am still dealing with some of her stuff.  I think we are a nation too obsessed with physical items.

[Puppy Lips]

---

@Q4u wrote:

Well..... I know that if you're not careful it all can potentially mean something that might prompt keeping it.  I'm sentimental about stuff, even about the clothing that I wore to "such and such".  but I have managed to keep the items that mean the most to me.  I like that the item prompts a memory, one that might not present itself without the item.  I have never minded giving things up and donating them but I'm careful to keep those things that mean the most to me.  

---

@Q4u Exactly - the item prompts a memory.  Glad I am not the only one who feels that way.

[Puppy Lips]

---

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:

Memories live in your hesrt and mind, not in an object, and the memories aren't going anywhere.  You'll always have them.  

We have been setting up for a garage sale the past couple of days.  I had no clue that DH had stowed away so much stuff for "maybe someday". There is so much, too much, excess to get rid of, even though we aren't downsizing for a move.  I'm happy to let this stuff go, to simplify our existence, and to reclaim some valuable storage space.  I'm even going to send my wedding dress off to an organization that makes burial clothes for stillborn babies,  There's no sense in hanging onto this stuff for "maybes" that never come to fruition.  I'm looking at it as us getting a headstart on eliminating stuff, to lessen the eventual job for our kids.  

---

@JeanLouiseFinch My sister donated her wedding dress a few years ago.  I was almost horrified!   I could never to that.  But, for some reason she decided after the fact that she did not even like the dress she picked out. I still love my dress.  BUT, I will never wear it again (oh how I wish it would still fit).  Your solution is a lovely one.

[Jacie]

I my case it all happened rapid fire and I am over it.

My Mom passed and I was left to clean out and deal with her home that she had lived in for 64 years, Did it alone because my brother lived in another state, and, God forbid he should lift a finger! LOL! Took almost a year to do.

Turned around and purchased a second home in another state, sparsely furnished it in 4 weeks.

Turned around again, husband loved the new 2nd home and wanted to move to that state. Sold our large home in 9 hours and had a downsizing sale to unload EVERYTHING.

Moved to the smaller house and am over "Stuff". Dealing with 3 homes in 2 years did me in. Kept a few things but the rest is GONE! 

[hckynutjohn]

@sarahpanda 

My last 3 moves were all up sizing, but! I did still have to decide "is this really a big part of my life" moving forward? Last move was from a 1100sq.ft. Townhome to our 3,000sq.ft.+ True Ranch home. Lot'sa room!

The hardest for me was moving from where I had lived with my 2 sisters, and my mother. My sisters by then were long married, so it was just me and my mother for many years. Lived there about 20 years, and after my mom died, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I had my 3 married sisters take whatever they wanted. It was up to them, who got what! There were a lot of things that meant a lot to me, but moving into a 1 bedroom apartment, it wasn't practical, or necessary for me. I kept only 1 winter coat my mom wore, and I still have it today. She died on Valentine's Day 1969.

For me there was no "goodby" to stuff. I knew at 29, I had a lot of life yet to live. For you I understand it is different. Were I in your position, I would do exactly as I did over 54 years ago. What will be important to me in the rest of my life moving forward.

I really get it and wish you the best.

hckynut  🇺🇸

[sabatini]

Hi @sarahpanda. I hope that the advice you've been given here will help you with letting go.

This is what really helped me:

At the exact same time that I had to sell our family home, and clear it out of 4 floors full of 'my stuff',...my aunt had to go into hospice.

Now, this maiden aunt lived in a charming seaside town in a beautiful Victorian house which even had a turreted room.

Her place was perfect; antique rugs & furniture, etc. She was proud of every inch of it.

But, @sarahpanda, she walked out of that fabulous place without even a toothbrush.

That's when it really hit me that you truly 'can't take it with you'!

I went home, and invited the staff from the restaurant I'd worked in to come and take whatever they'd like.

One young waitress's dad backed his pickup up truck up to my front porch, and they wheeled out a piano, exercise bike, beds and bureaus, an antique buffet, lamps, and even my houseplants.

It made me so happy. 

Later, I did have a few pangs at having given away so much of 'my stuff', but here I am, 8 years later, and I now have new stuff which I like just as well.

My final piece of advice: be ruthless! Just purge it!

Good luck.

[wagirl]

I know what you mean--I too, went thru downsizing, but  due to a divorce -- was married 47 years---DD and I moved into an apartment so had to get rid of a ton of stuff I was not ready to give up--but I did it and I took pictures of all I donated ---that helps alot. and then I got a storage unit for the stuff I refused to let go. It is heartbreaking--but for me it just makes me incredible angry that I was forced to do this---but that angry turned into resolve and fire in  my belly to turn this into a very positive thing--which it is and was, for me. Memories are with you forever and photos help too.

[sarahpanda]

Thank you all so much for your advise - I am 'taking it to heart', for sure !  I've made a few attempts to start the job of downsizing my 'stuff' and every time I do, I feel such a strong sense of depression - then before I know it, I'm slowly walking away from it all.  It's obvious I'm going to need some of my family to come help me with this..maybe over the holidays when they are all home again.