HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS? - Page 6

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@ncascade wrote:
Yes, you are being petty. About your jewelry: when my Mom passed no one wanted any of her things. No matter what anyone tells you think twice about this.

No, I don't think she's being petty about the jewelry. I do think she's fooling herself about it. Jewelry is just jewelry. We're fortunate if we have 2 -3 pieces that have genuine sentimental value to our daughters, nieces, granddaughters. That vast majority is stuff that WE love and value. Not necessarily anyone else. But the young women we love and saddle with the stuff can't tell us that. They have pretend that they are over joyed with the gift and even wear in our presence. That is just plain wrong and somewhat shelfish. My own mother was a lifelong jewelry lover and she had things from her mother. I would say that my sisters and I wanted about 20% after she passed. My girls and my niece only wanted a piece of two to remember her by. Not to wear. We gave away or sold the 80%. When I pared down my own jewelry collection a few years ago, I had a party and put all of the things I didn't want out on display and invited all my friends and they daughters and let them take what they wanted. Let me say....there was stuff left over...lol My girls didn't want any of it because their tastes differ from mine. And it will always be that way.

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

@bootsanne, maybe next year instead of an upscale restaurant you should plan on a spa day when/where the establishment is having a ladies only event.

The eyes through which you see others may be the same as how they see you.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Marp wrote:
@bootsanne, maybe next year instead of an upscale restaurant you should plan on a spa day when/where the establishment is having a ladies only event.

He'd still go and horn in wherever and whenever he could. I doubt that any spa ever has a special when all men are banned from the premises.

Imadickens · ‎06-15-2016

Well, well, well! Strange! Either he's feeling his feminine side or he's controlling, possibly abusive. Reminds me of Housewives of NY when Alex's husband insisted on going to the all girl parties! Anyway, if it's out of town, he may just want to travel with his dw. If not, she needs more than you might imagine! Any man who insists on going with his wife to an all girl party has major issues!

For her sake, let him come. She needs to get out and have fun. If you are sure he's not abusive, I have an idea. Make the conversation as uncomfortable as you can for him. Discuss female issues in detail! Ask him his opinion about the issues and sit silently until he answers. I doubt he'll want to come again!

But, like I said, I'd be mostly worried she is in an abusive relationship. All the men in my family would do anything not to go!

Ok, I just read many of the other posts. I regret my comments, or at least some of them. Yes, yes, and yes, always be polite and do the right thing. Just because he's being an ignorant boor doesn't mean everyone should be! I stand by my thoughts that he may be abusive. I hope someone looks into that carefully! If he comes, have a separate table for him, as far from the girls as possible. I was a bit surprised to hear the few gals who did not find this odd. I love to do things as a group as well, but there is something wonderful about having the occasional girl only night out (or weekend, for my dd and her friends). It's not that men aren't wanted, it's just fun to let loose with the girls once in a while. Those who didn't agree, may not have ever been part of one.

As for the jewelry, I think that's a lovely thing you are doing! When my mother was near the end, my dd and I divided her jewelry. We told her who took which pieces and why. It made her happy to know we loved them. I didn't want to remember I got the jewelry because she died. Your nieces will enjoy being able to show off the lovely items you give them without tearing up!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

Imadickens · ‎06-15-2016

@chrystaltree wrote:
@ncascade wrote:
Yes, you are being petty. About your jewelry: when my Mom passed no one wanted any of her things. No matter what anyone tells you think twice about this.

No, I don't think she's being petty about the jewelry. I do think she's fooling herself about it. Jewelry is just jewelry. We're fortunate if we have 2 -3 pieces that have genuine sentimental value to our daughters, nieces, granddaughters. That vast majority is stuff that WE love and value. Not necessarily anyone else. But the young women we love and saddle with the stuff can't tell us that. They have pretend that they are over joyed with the gift and even wear in our presence. That is just plain wrong and somewhat shelfish. My own mother was a lifelong jewelry lover and she had things from her mother. I would say that my sisters and I wanted about 20% after she passed. My girls and my niece only wanted a piece of two to remember her by. Not to wear. We gave away or sold the 80%. When I pared down my own jewelry collection a few years ago, I had a party and put all of the things I didn't want out on display and invited all my friends and they daughters and let them take what they wanted. Let me say....there was stuff left over...lol My girls didn't want any of it because their tastes differ from mine. And it will always be that way.

Am I the only one who finds these comments strange? First of all, I don't recall reading about what any of her pieces were like! For all we know, they may be exquisite pieces with extraordinary monetary value as well as sentimental value! Even if they aren't and are hideous, I don't think there is any reason someone shouldn't feel comfortable passing on items they love to people they love. What those people do or do not do with the items is up to them. I'd love to have family members love me enough to want me to have something they loved! I think giving her nieces her jewelry is a very lovely idea. Please, don't stop doing it, I'm sure you are making the girls happy.

I also dont understand the posts telling OP it was not her place to fix anything. I don't think she asked that, unless I didn't read the post correctly. I think she was simply venting about the thing she had not control over.

I'm so happy your nieces loved the items! I knew they would, how could they not? I'm sure your pieces are lovely, but I'm even more certain it was the love behind the gifts that made them exceptionally beautiful.

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

@qualitygal

i remember that show. it was very awkward. why in the world did he have to be there.

her name was alex. i can't remember his, but he was extremely weird!

ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

@VaBelle35

jesus christos!

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Imadickens wrote:
Well, well, well! Strange! Either he's feeling his feminine side or he's controlling, possibly abusive. Reminds me of Housewives of NY when Alex's husband insisted on going to the all girl parties! Anyway, if it's out of town, he may just want to travel with his dw. If not, she needs more than you might imagine! Any man who insists on going with his wife to an all girl party has major issues!

For her sake, let him come. She needs to get out and have fun. If you are sure he's not abusive, I have an idea. Make the conversation as uncomfortable as you can for him. Discuss female issues in detail! Ask him his opinion about the issues and sit silently until he answers. I doubt he'll want to come again!

But, like I said, I'd be mostly worried she is in an abusive relationship. All the men in my family would do anything not to go!

Ok, I just read many of the other posts. I regret my comments, or at least some of them. Yes, yes, and yes, always be polite and do the right thing. Just because he's being an ignorant boor doesn't mean everyone should be! I stand by my thoughts that he may be abusive. I hope someone looks into that carefully! If he comes, have a separate table for him, as far from the girls as possible. I was a bit surprised to hear the few gals who did not find this odd. I love to do things as a group as well, but there is something wonderful about having the occasional girl only night out (or weekend, for my dd and her friends). It's not that men aren't wanted, it's just fun to let loose with the girls once in a while. Those who didn't agree, may not have ever been part of one.

As for the jewelry, I think that's a lovely thing you are doing! When my mother was near the end, my dd and I divided her jewelry. We told her who took which pieces and why. It made her happy to know we loved them. I didn't want to remember I got the jewelry because she died. Your nieces will enjoy being able to show off the lovely items you give them without tearing up!

I'm one of those who didn't see this as a major problem. It's not common, but I don't see the point in making a big deal about it.

And yes, I have been part of many, many girls-only events. The fact that I don't agree with you doesn't mean I've never been to one. Or that anything is wrong with my opinion. I've had a lot of fun at girls-only evenings, weekends, etc, and in fact some friends and I are currently planning a big one. It's perfectly possible to have attended and enjoyed those kinds of events, and still feel that a man being included doesn't mean the event is ruined.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Imadickens wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
@ncascade wrote:
Yes, you are being petty. About your jewelry: when my Mom passed no one wanted any of her things. No matter what anyone tells you think twice about this.

No, I don't think she's being petty about the jewelry. I do think she's fooling herself about it. Jewelry is just jewelry. We're fortunate if we have 2 -3 pieces that have genuine sentimental value to our daughters, nieces, granddaughters. That vast majority is stuff that WE love and value. Not necessarily anyone else. But the young women we love and saddle with the stuff can't tell us that. They have pretend that they are over joyed with the gift and even wear in our presence. That is just plain wrong and somewhat shelfish. My own mother was a lifelong jewelry lover and she had things from her mother. I would say that my sisters and I wanted about 20% after she passed. My girls and my niece only wanted a piece of two to remember her by. Not to wear. We gave away or sold the 80%. When I pared down my own jewelry collection a few years ago, I had a party and put all of the things I didn't want out on display and invited all my friends and they daughters and let them take what they wanted. Let me say....there was stuff left over...lol My girls didn't want any of it because their tastes differ from mine. And it will always be that way.
Am I the only one who finds these comments strange? First of all, I don't recall reading about what any of her pieces were like! For all we know, they may be exquisite pieces with extraordinary monetary value as well as sentimental value! Even if they aren't and are hideous, I don't think there is any reason someone shouldn't feel comfortable passing on items they love to people they love. What those people do or do not do with the items is up to them. I'd love to have family members love me enough to want me to have something they loved! I think giving her nieces her jewelry is a very lovely idea. Please, don't stop doing it, I'm sure you are making the girls happy.

I also dont understand the posts telling OP it was not her place to fix anything. I don't think she asked that, unless I didn't read the post correctly. I think she was simply venting about the thing she had not control over.

I'm so happy your nieces loved the items! I knew they would, how could they not? I'm sure your pieces are lovely, but I'm even more certain it was the love behind the gifts that made them exceptionally beautiful.

The title she chose is "How Should I Have Handled This?", so clearly she was not simply venting. She was asking what she should have done.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@ladyroxanne wrote:
@qualitygal

i remember that show. it was very awkward. why in the world did he have to be there.

her name was alex. i can't remember his, but he was extremely weird!

@ladyroxanne, Google helped me...it was Simon.