Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,586
Registered: ‎03-09-2010


Today marks 3 weeks since my brother died. He suffered terribly for 3.5 years. I know he's no longer sick and in pain. He saw Mom right after we took him off life support. His last word was calling out to Mom. I trust that she helped him transition to a better place.


I spent the last 3 weeks helping his spouse, who is a mess. We had his celebration of life Saturday and it really feels like the end now.


I'm beyond devastated. He was my best friend. I took care of him from the time he was born and held him as he died. We were in some of the same social groups. We talked/texted several times a day. I spent a lot of time helping him while his spouse was at work the last few months. 


I'm really struggling. Other friends and some of our siblings move on and forget about those who are struggling. I'm feeling so lost and alone.


It's going to take time to recover and I need to allow time to help heal. I trust God. I cry every time I go to church. 


The deacon at our Church invited me to a grief support group. I had to leave half-way through it last week. I couldn't handle it. It's a 5 week program and I'll go back but am not sure I can handle it yet. I'll try.


I got some great counseling after Mom died 5 years ago. I'm still using the EMDR techniques which have been a lifesaver the last 3 weeks. I'll continue using them. 


My SIL is dying of brain cancer. My dad is 91. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. 


It's called life. It'll be me someday though sooner rather than later given my age. 


But darn it all, it's tough.


Thanks for listening. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,782
Registered: ‎01-04-2015

@CalminHeart @Oh my goodness. I am heartbroken for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you light and love. Blessings to every heart connected.💕💕

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,229
Registered: ‎11-03-2018

@CalminHeart   I am so very sorry for your loss.  If I could hug you I would.  I will pray for you and wish you the strength you need to keep moving.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,911
Registered: ‎10-11-2017

My heart breaks for the pain you're going thru. I know what it is to have a sibling that you are very close too and I know it will be very hard for one of us when the other passes. We are, also, best friends. You have a lot on your plate. I will pray you find comfort soon. Know I'm thinking and praying  for you, as others on this board are doing.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,198
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

So sorry for your loss.  Prayers for you and your family.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,530
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. I never had a sister, but 2 years ago I lost a friend who I  loved like a sister.  I still pick up the phone sometimes when I have something to share. I don't know where this came from, but I think it is true, 

Grief never ends

It's a passage not a place to stay

Grief is not a sigh of weakness , nor a lack of faith

It's the price of love. 🌺


" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,525
Registered: ‎01-25-2023

I'm so sorry for your loss, losing such a big part of our daily life leave a hole that is hard to fill. Have you thought about seeking one on one counseling? Being able to let go and talk about him, your love and your feelings-whatever they might be? I found that when I have had a loss that I  am not good at letting things out in a group setting, that I need to have a one to one connection. Just a thought for you to consider. You have so much sadness going on, I will keep you in my prayers for guidance and peace. What a beautiful experience your brother shared with you when he greeted your mother, I hope that brings a bit of solace.

Critter Lover! (especially cats!)
Valued Contributor
Posts: 592
Registered: ‎06-02-2010

Where there is grief there is a great love that can no longer be shared. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,543
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

@CalminHeart  Oh my, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear brother.  It's really a long process, and having gone through it last year with my Dad, you never really get over it and it just continues on.  I still cry out of the blue, when I'm reminded of my Dad, it hurts so much when we lose someone because we love each other so much.


Please go easy on yourself, it's only been a few weeks since you lost your brother and you are right, he is with your Mom and she will take care of him now.  You are a good sister, and although with someone sick for a long time, it's still a shock when they are gone....gone in body only, but he will live on with all your good memories.

......You look like I need a drink.....
Valued Contributor
Posts: 841
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

@CalminHeart i was crying as I read your post.  He is not in pain and will be with you in spirit.  Sending prayers your way.