Among Friends

[Mom2Dogs]

@Greeneyedlady21....I recall for a full year after my mom died I felt very sad...some days I cried, others I managed to make it thru the day, but one day almost a year to the day after she died I was driving home from work and  just a feeling of happiness came over me..... for lack of a better phrase, I just get felt good, that dark cloud seemed to lift off my shoulders and heart.

I never went to a group, I am to shy for that sort of thing and would not have felt comfortable speaking out loud...probably what helped me the most was my best friend, we talked a lot about our moms, her mom was sick at the time, mine had already passed away......it is a horrible time, and I still miss her terribly.  Holidays are not the same.....take care of yourself...you can always come to these boards to talk.

[hayseed00]

I'm sorry for the sadness and lonliness you are feeling right now.  I don't know you or your situation, but I have experienced grief and loss and know first hand how deep and seemingly endless the heartache can be.  If you aren't sure a grief support group is something you would be comfortable with, maybe talking one on one with a grief counselor would be easier to start with. 

[RedTop]

Without any doubts whatsoever, I will say that the Grief Share program thru 2 local churches saved my friend from work after she lost her adult child.   

She went from depression to flat out losing her will to live; we had to go to her house, and physically pull her out of bed and push her into the shower, to get her functioning again.   

My friend continues to work, and still goes to Grief Share.   She absolutely found the support she needed, and goes to the meetings now to give support to others.  

Best wishes to you.

[shortbreadlover]

i feel that each person had to decide just what they are comfortable with.  for some groups are the way to go, others just have to work it out for themselves.

[Greeneyedlady21]

@hayseed00I talk to a grief counselor from the hospice on the phone. He's just always so busy and I'm feeling clear signals that he doesn't want to be bothered with me anymore. The last time I texted him he said he had ten minutes to talk to me. So I said nevermind, that's ok. Ten minutes is not enough. The hospice support didn't turn out to be what I thought it would be.

The person I see once a week, grief counseling is one of her fields.

[pigletsmom]

I haven't been to one but I would think you could go an feel it out. There's no commitment that you keep going.

I don't know your story but I think sometimes people are hoping to stop the grief. Most likely whatever you are feeling is normal unless it's been a very long time. I've found even a few years later things can still strike you out of no where. Three years in and I have more awful dreams now than I ever did.

I would ask the person you're dealing with weekly for a referral to a group. Then maybe get there a little early and if there is a leader you can say you just want to listen for a while and not talk. I would think these groups are good at welcoming people.

[hayseed00]

I also didn't find what I was looking for in our hospice support person, but I had become friends with a Catholic Deacon who was there for me and actually gave me great insight.  I have a very loving husband but he just didn't know what to say sometimes when I would ask him why I couldn't move on after the death of my Dad and actually was the one who suggested I talk with my Deacon and I'm so glad I did.  I'm not saying I felt better very fast but over time the pain and loss softened and I hold steadfast to all my wonderful memories of him.  Keep serching for the right person or group that can help you through this, they are out there.  Stay strong friend !!!!

[geezerette]

First, I would like to extend my condolences for the loss of your mother.  It’s a cliche, but everyone really does experience grief in different ways and for different lengths of time.

When my husband died earlier this year (it still freaks me out to write those words), I briefly considered a grief support group.  Not because I wanted to, but because I felt I should.  I think sometimes when we lose someone so very close to us, we do as @pigletsmom said, we just want the pain to go away.  I sure did.  (And still do, if truth be told.)  But I didn’t want to talk to just anyone, I wanted to talk to someone who knew my husband, and what a wonderful and unique person he was.  I have just one such person, but one is enough for me.

I would also suggest you speak with the person you see now for a recommendation.  You’re not locked in to anything, so if you find a group is not for you, you don’t have to continue.  If your mother had close friends, perhaps speaking with them might help.  Or clergy.  I also used email a lot, as my family is all out of state.  Often writing is easier for me than speaking to someone face to face.

I would also consider online support, as has also been suggested.  There are many options available.  I found a lot of support right here in the Widows thread.  In fact, I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t start your own Grief thread.  There is always someone around here here that will listen. 🕊🙏

[Zhills]

Maybe it is just me, but I don't understand how knowing someone else is grieving makes it any easier to bear your own loss.  Enlighten me!

I am truly sorry for your loss.   Hope you find something that helps.

[PamfromCT]

I am so sorry for all the grief you are going through.  One way or another, don’t stop your search for someone to help you get through this very difficult time.  Is there someone else affiliated with Hospice you can meet with?  Any religious-affiliated groups?  I think when we are grieving, it is essential to talk with people who completely understand where you are coming from.  I did have support when my mom died, and then afterward I found doing some volunteer work very helpful.  It’s different for everyone, and yet the same for everyone.  Losing your mom is like losing your anchor, I know.