Among Friends

[Franell]

Sometimes if you are not happy you look back on your life and question the decisions you have made.  I have a cousin who is a travel agent.  She never married because the most important thing for her was to be able to travel the world, which she did and continues to do. When she was about your friends age she became scared because she was facing getting old alone.  It seemed to pass or at least she stopped talking about it and seemed to return to her old self.

[Love my grandkids]

Tell her to find a hobby or do some volunteer work. I'd get tired of someone pestering me like this all the time.

If she asks to go someplace with you just say you need some time to yourself, alone time. And mean it.

[Mom2Dogs]

@Love my grandkids ....I told her sister to quit broadcasting everything she is doing as she then wants to tag along.  Sometimes you just want to do things on your own, and when someone constantly  invites themselves to 'go with' it gets old.

As I mentioned I don't have kids but I do have a spouse..and I understand that when you have kids, your life sort of revolves around the family..holidays, vacations, etc......I don't have that but I can keep my self occupied for the most part...of course I would think that everyone gets lonely on occasion but this has gone on quite a while.

I honestly belive she is depressed..getting her to acknowledge that is a not easy.

[Skyegirl21]

Im sorry but I agree with what everyone is saying on the boards- At that age, good luck finding your dream job- Not gonna happen. Some very helpful suggestions here, ie, volunteer and help others!
Also, May I suggest you and the sisters get together and prepare a "intervention" for her. Everyone write letters describing what you all see happening (she may not see it at all) , and what you hope she will begin to see herself . That she is not being realistic and it is difficult for you all to deal with - 

Or else, put some distance between yourself and her- 

[jlkz]

@ThinkingOutLoud @Mom2Dogs 

The points made by @Thinking Out Loud are the exact comments I would have posted.

Key:  Things and companies change over time.  Skills that once were in demand become obsolete, e.g., fixing manual typewriters, even typing on an electric one !If she persists in her " perfect job with lots of money ", she will become obsolete.  Then, more depths of depression are likely.

Perhaps her friends can create a calendar of events where she can tag along ( one-on-one ) and sample various endeavors each friend enjoys.  E.g., taking a free college course that seniors can audit, visit an art class, take in a museum or an arboretum, start a community garden that donates surplus to the needy, read books to hospitalized/ nursing home clients, help teach conversational English to others, teach youngsters how to write in cursive vs. printing, volunteer as a "grandmother" to hold newborns who need human touch to thrive, etc.

I am afraid that if she persists in your description, that health issue maybrear its ugly head again !  The mind and body connection is important.  Her fixed choice can be her undoing.  Being flexible can open doors that no one, esp. herself, can imagine !

My own career changes: telecommunications executive; entrepreneur / consultant to companies that invest in their employees' growth;  college professor ( leadership & communication skills);  partner with national outplacement firm to coach and assist former employees to look how changes can contribute to new careers;  seminar leader.

My college and graduate degrees were in French Literature because I wanted to teach.  I even studied Spanish and German to round out my background.  My first job offer was at the other end of the spectrum and it led to so many opportunities that I could never have dreamed of !!!

Interesting: While I never taught French, I showed hundreds of others how to realize and reach their potential.

Your friend may be hiding her fear of not hacking it in whatever opportunity that may come her way.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.....or maybe unsuccessful in !!!

( I have encountered this with many career searchers ! )

I wish her luck and for you her friends, I wish you the patience to support her through the most difficult door facing her as well as the blessings to have her find peace and contentment at this point in her journey.

[DSD2]

I couldn't (and wouldn't) classify what your friend is going through as depression. Although that may well be the case, she is clearly hurting.

She may be suffering from regret, from remorse for making certain decisions. But it sounds as though her life revolved around her job and when she lost that, she became lost and floundering.

She sounds as though she wants to fill every moment of her day. If volunteering isn't for her, she should try and cultivate some friendships, where she lives or perhaps at her council on aging. If she has any hobbies or interests, she could now work on them.

Sadly, 68 is considered over the hill and eventually she will realize she will likely not land her dream job. I would however reach out to AARP, her ombudsman and others to see if something might be possible.

Sometimes the kindest things we can do in life is to be there for our friends when they need us the most. I am sure you will continue to be thoughtful and supportive. She is fortunate to have you as a friend.

I wish her the best of luck.

[ninjawife]

@Mom2Dogs You said in an earlier post you don't think she needs a therapist but in another post you said you think she is depressed.  If she is depressed a therapist could really help her.  If she is not willing to do that maybe she would consent to seeing a life coach who could help her set new life goals and work towards them. 

[LuvSoCal]

@Mom2Dogs Do you know why she lost her job? She sounds like she can be difficult...and unrealistic. At this stage of life she should accept a job offer or acquire some hobbies to stay busy.

[Mom2Dogs]

Thanks for the comments/suggestions.

No easy answer, it is her life, her path....I just want to make sure I am a good friend to her, you can lead a horse to water but you can not make them drink.

[Mom2Dogs]

@LuvSoCal    Covid made it difficult for the business to stay open. It was not a high powered job...but it was the center of her life....yes, she can be difficult on a good day...I would call it 'prickly'.

She could have had a job but the pay was not what she wanted...I suggested she take it until something that paid more came along....it's her fault that she is not working right now.

It's summer there is plenty to do outside, garden, read outside but she says she is very tired, no energy.