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Valued Contributor
Posts: 935
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Do you know people like this?

@CherryHugs  Oh, so you know my sister?!?!?!  😁  

Valued Contributor
Posts: 739
Registered: ‎07-12-2011

Re: Do you know people like this?

I actually dealt with this recently.  What I did was ease out of the friendship.  This was a woman I have known for decades AND who I confided in.  I did not want it to end bad because we had shared so much of our lives with each other.   Honestly, I just think there are certain friendships you outgrow.  What I noticed with her was that she lost compassion with all people and she really wasn't this way previously.  Anyway, good luck to you. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,040
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do you know people like this?

@CherryHugs -

For me I do have a friend that used to be like this.

I really value our friendship. We have known each other for decades and shared many things.

However, at one point, years ago, I told her I felt like she only wanted to talk about her problems and that she never listened or cared about what was going on in my life. I told her it wasn't really what I felt a friendship should be like.

Well, she got it. Maybe some people who do this don't even realize they are doing it.

She has become a very caring, thoughtful, compassionate person.

We each listen to each other and are there for each other in good times and bad.

This was a friendship that meant something to me and was totally worth it to save, to let her know how I felt.

I do think there are many people we will meet that have a different idea of "friendship" and maybe never develop really close relationships with others. That is when we can decide to spend time with them or not.

Plus I think they will always find someone else to listen, at least for a while. It's kind of sad really. I'm glad I'm not like that because then I would never know the rewards of having a kindred spirit for a friend!

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,457
Registered: ‎08-31-2019

Re: Do you know people like this?

@CherryHugs Yes, I have several acquaintances with such behaviors. Thing is, I don't call them friends, even though I do hang with them sometimes and by appearances, it would appear we are. I do make excuses to exit, though, when I fear my ears are going to start bleeding.   

 

Friendships take two, not one self posessed character. Value those who hear you, too.   

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,924
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: Do you know people like this?


@Sooner wrote:

What do I do?  Listen.  I know I am way more boring that most people, so I just listen.

 

It's that or sit by myself. 


 

@Sooner 

 

I believe it is called settling.. Settling for what is really there for us. For being with someone and not being alone. Not being alone is better than alone and looking around and seeing no one. Someday that person will stop being me, me and begin listening to something you saying, and repeating, and just having that individual is a comfort.

 

I do think many individuals are doing and living the same as you.

 

These chat boards are about that. The boards offer people the opportunity to reach out and be with others. It is a contact with others and a place to form friendships and have that feeling of belonging.

 

Everyone needs to have contact with others and feel belonged.

 

I thank you and others for the fellowship on these boards.

 

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,772
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Do you know people like this?


@chiclets wrote:

@Sooner wrote:

What do I do?  Listen.  I know I am way more boring that most people, so I just listen.

 

It's that or sit by myself. 


 

@Sooner 

 

I believe it is called settling.. Settling for what is really there for us. For being with someone and not being alone. Not being alone is better than alone and looking around and seeing no one. Someday that person will stop being me, me and begin listening to something you saying, and repeating, and just having that individual is a comfort.

 

I do think many individuals are doing and living the same as you.

 

These chat boards are about that. The boards offer people the opportunity to reach out and be with others. It is a contact with others and a place to form friendships and have that feeling of belonging.

 

Everyone needs to have contact with others and feel belonged.

 

I thank you and others for the fellowship on these boards.

 

 

 

 

 


No, it's not settling.  It's being interested and supportive to others.  If you aren't like that, you are like the people this topic is about.

 

My family is all gone, and I don't have a lot of choices.  I am the center of attention for fewer than 2 people by that fact.  When older people start to have kids, this is what happens to us. I have a rich and full life, but it is different than most. 

 

Aunts and uncles LONG gone, cousins gone, etc. etc.  So other people have more interetsing lives and are the centers of attention for more other people.  Friends are friends.  But they aren't family.  I understand this.  I'm ok with that, it is what it is.  Especially at this time of the year.

 

I don't expect others to invite me to Christmas, make plans with me, etc. etc.  It's a family time.  It's OK.  The world is not about ME.

 

But don't tell me I am settling.  I am doing the best I can, and isn't that what ALL of us do?  All of us have limitations and situations etc.  

 

But also, it is pretty insulting to hear some ladies on tv write books and tell us that pretends and  little cute sayings are the answer to every situation.   Life is life, get over it and get on with it and be happy as much as you are able!  I'm referring to another discussion about tv I started, and that laps over into this one!  LOL!!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,826
Registered: ‎11-16-2014

Re: Do you know people like this?

I have known many people like that through the years. Holidays used to be spent with them at my MIL's house and one of my husband's uncles would go on and on and on about his service days in World War 2.  As far as friends being verbose, I don't mind listening because that's what friends are for.

 

Even on these forums we have posters who go on and on and on about their lives to the point of knowing what they ate for breakfast. LOL. Some of them, are just verbose but they prefer talking about themselves. If you interject one word about yourself, they never respond or when they do the conversation goes back to them in a second.

Contributor
Posts: 39
Registered: ‎03-31-2013

Re: Do you know people like this?

I had a friend like this. Last January I finally told her a friendship is a 2-way street and I felt ours was not, that she had little interest in my life. I cited several instances when she had cut me off and started off on her own tangent. I had just been through a medical crisis and she had not even contacted me for 6 weeks afterward (she said she thought I might want to be left alone to heal). I told her I would be interested in continuing the friendship if we could repair it. I asked her not to respond at the time but to give it some thought and let me know her thoughts if she felt there was something to salvage. I have not heard from her and that tells me all I need to know. I don't consider it a big loss as she did not enhance my life in any way. We had been friends for about 20 years and she was not always so self-centered. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,730
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Do you know people like this?

The female half of a couple who are our friends is like that.  She is really a nice lady, who is very caring and kind.  I really like her, but she will talk to me about people named Harry and Janice  and Larry without telling me who these people really are and I have no clue.

 

I use to stop her and ask who these people are, and she might say a neighbor, a coworker or something to that effect.

 

I gave up and just let her rattle on.  I have no interest in hearing about people I don't know, so I guess it doesn't matter who they are.

 

I just listen for a while, then try to change the subject.  Using the restroom is a good excuse to go away and stop the conversation and hopefully change the subject.

 

I had an Aunt who would do that too.....going on and on about people I didn't know and No one could get a word in edgewise.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,977
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Do you know people like this?

I think there's more talkers than listeners.  No wonder every other person is on their phone using fingers for talking.