Among Friends

[CatsyCline]

just wondering if you defend your adult children?    are your boundaries drawn  to protect your family ?  do you allow others to cast negative comments about your family?

would you allow negative hearsay about your child?  would you pass on the comment to your child knowing it could be hurtful?

[skuggles]

I won't discuss my children other than the facts. I always say if you want to know more ... then that decision belongs to them.

[cherry]

I've never been in that situation. My children are independent and resourceful

[ID2]

Absolutely I defend my children, no matter how old they are. I'll always have their back. 

[CatsyCline]

my mother lives out of state and is 86 and had elective surgery at the end of Oct and is now in a nursing home for rehab.   she has a "freind" who is wealthy. i wall call Flo.  one home in the Hamptons and trust fund wealthy. my mother worked for their family for many years as a housekeeper. in fact when i was a teen, this family was her top priority because she was paid .  now, this "friend" Flo and her brother Ebb are the only friends my mother has. they are both in their 70s. the brother is a convicted felon and a level II sex offender.   my mother took him in when he was going through the legal process. she still looks after him. . i was in state for a  while during her surgery and hospital stat and the SNF,  but had to come home to take care of my own biz for two weeks.   i will have to go back and get the home ready for my mom's release.

Flo the "friend" has been sending multiple text messages to me telling me all the things that should be done for my mother before she gets out of the nursing facility including retro-fitting the bathroom. today my mother told me that Flo has said a number of negative things about me.  my mother has never defended me to any of her past friends. one comment was particularly hurtful.

i am not surprised but i thought at this time in her life she would get a clue and realize that her older daughter, the one that always took family leave (3x for many weeks at a time) when my Dad was sick  and now does all she can to help her mother, is the one who will be there for her when she comes home. just like when her hip broke and she broke a foot. my sister has not ever stepped up. she hated my father, but is my mothers favorite. still all she has done is send a bouquet of flowers.

i'm doing the heavy lifting as always, but my body can't do this much longer. i have spinal stenosis and my dics are fried.  i just guess i want that " family is #1 " feeling .  not getting that... i want to just say no at this point. how can any mother not stick up for her child?

[Tinkrbl44]

@CatsyCline

Sorry, but I'm confused ..... have you and your mother discussed this ....   does she know how you feel?

[dex]

Of course I would defend my child.I will always put him first but he also knows that if he has done something wrong that it is his responsibility to make it right.I brought him up to believe that he alone is accountable for his mistakes and there is nothing wrong with mistakes as long as you learn from them.My son is a kind thoughtful and respectful human being who has many friends.He has no problems for me to defend though but he does know that I am there for him and I know he is there for me.

i forgot to add that I would not tell him hurtful things from others...if they dared to say them to me.What would be the point.I don't want to hurt my son ever.

[CatsyCline]

@Tinkrbl44    yes, i have discussed with her.  she doesnt seem to understand why this would concern me.  but she just allows others to say whatever they want.

she has no boundaries with others but inside the home she always called the shots , big time. she did make my father miserable until his health started going downhill.   i left home at 19 because she was very difficult - but only to my father and I.

she should not have told me about the comment.  i tried not to let it ruin my day . all i can think is this too shall pass. she likes to say the reason she is like this is because she is a Scorpio. she is really into astrology

[cherry]

Don't kid yourself, astrology my eye. It sounds like your mom is into, who has money. I'm sorry you have to go through this

[happycat]

I would hope that I would defend my kids. I do think some mothers are just not good mothers. Its like some of them just didn't get the mom gene or something.

I'm sorry your mom is acting like this.