Difference In Perception Your Opinion

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I just lost my "second mom" one and one half days ago. My best friend's mother from the time we girls were 14. She was a remarkable. A political party leader, humanitarian awards for the state as well as the county and she gave her life to service. I saw what a strong woman was and what she could accomplish.

I went to see my best friend (divorced) today, and it was clear another couple had well arrived before me. There was an antique clock in the room which was apparently broken and it would be rude to look at my watch. I finally realized that I had been there two and a half hours and was going well into bf's dinner time. She looked weary, appeared to have cried for a prolong period, and although the other couple had asked her if she needed "to rest" who is going to say "Yes, I think I'll lie down?".

I can tell you since we've been together longer than I've been married, as the daughter of a county commissoner as well as a woman who held state offices, BF would be the perfect hostess and say "No.". *Her daughters and grand children arrived for dinner, couple didn't move. BF asked them to stay for dinner stateing that that was what was to be served after the service! Couple dug right in.

My feeling was that "couple" overstayed their welcome. If you stay five hours, you need to be family or an extremely close friend, which I am, but I had to go home since DH is out of town.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

The couple may have felt their presence was comforting. There was an opportunity for them to leave when they asked if BF needed to rest. Since you know BF wouldn't chase them out, it would have been okay to say I think we should leave and let BF rest, she's had a long day.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

I don't think there could be but one opinion, they overstayed their welcome. Your friend could have said something like, "Your going to have to excuse us, but we're ready to eat." You have to be blunt to get through to some people. It probably wouldn't have fazed them.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

Gram W · ‎01-22-2013

IMO as a widow and I have since also lost both parents I would say those people's presence may have become a burden to your friend. She was in no emotional shape to play hostess and entertain visitors for an extended time like that.

My DIL made sure that I had periods of rest and quiet so that I could think and grieve alone. I needed that time alone. She said I tried to appear as if I was listening but she thought I was just going through the motions. My parents were both in their late 80s and had been sick so their passing had been expected. My husband's also was expected but that does not mean I was ready to spend long periods of time trying to visit with anyone for several weeks unless it was family.

I don't understand why her children did not thank them for their visit, say Mother needs to rest and suggest they return another day the following week. It sounds like the other people took no notice of the fragile exhausted state your friend was in. Sometimes good intentions go wrong.

judy0330 · ‎01-03-2011

My mother always told a story about cousins who came to visit shortly after I was born. They were still there at midnight and my mother was falling off her feet. And then they said -- "Since it's already midnight -- why don't we just stay till the 2:00 feeding?" As in the case you are talking about -- some people just do not know when to leave.

I am very sorry for your loss.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@Kachina624 wrote:
I don't think there could be but one opinion, they overstayed their welcome. Your friend could have said something like, "Your going to have to excuse us, but we're ready to eat." You have to be blunt to get through to some people. It probably wouldn't have fazed them.

@Kachina624,Thank you for another beautiful kind reply I always recieve from you.

DF is THE perfect host and she is the kind that would NEVER say it.

mzlg · ‎04-28-2011

@ECBG, I'm sorry for the loss of the mother of your best friend and for your loss of her as well.

May the memories you shared with your friend of her Mom comfort you and help you find peace. My thoughts are with you in this time of sorrow.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@ECBG, my sincere condolences to you for the loss of your dear friend's mother who was a "second mother" to you. It is really a shame that the couple who wouldn't leave had already imposed so terribly on the bereaved and then had the nerve to stay for dinner. It must have been exhausting for your friend and painful for you to witness. My best wishes to you and your dear friend at this difficult time.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

She didn't learn much from her strong mother. The minute the boorish guests asked if she needed rest, it would have been perfectly acceptable to say yes, and thank them while escorting them out the door.