Among Friends

[debic]

Sorry for your loss, as the executor of my parents trust here's my opinion.

Lawyers eat up money and fairly fast.  Unless it's a lot of money.

Being in control is not a lot of fun.  I constantly had a couple of my sisters telling me how I should be doing things.  I offered to let them take over, they declined.  They also didn't come and help me clean and sell their house.  I spent 3 months there trying to get it cleaned and ready to sell.

Then I had a brother threaten to tie the money in lawyers, I told him to go for it as it was stipulated in the will that anyone contests it, loses their share.  I won't need a lawyer for that. LOL, then the state ended up garnishing it for past child support.

I don't know where your sister's at as far as controlling, but she was given the task, support her whether you agree with it or not.

[jlkz]

Having been through this situation recently as oldest daughter and executrix for my dad's estate, the best advice is to spend some money and talk with an attorney who handles estate work in the state where your dad lived.    

Your sister, although with a history of control issues, may be trying her best to do everything legally and is overwhelmed.  Knowing how you perceive her, she may be walking on eggshells to keep the peace.  Your lawyer will be the go-between and protect your rights. When the final distribution is done, you will receive a detailed itemization of expenses and distributions.  Take this to your lawyer.

 I was lucky that my dad entrusted all his and my mom's legal stuff to him all their life.

 Main life point:  How do you want the relationship to be with your sister when all is said and done ???

[qualitygal]

Get an attorney for you!!!!

[Suziepeach]

To make a long story short, when our Dad passed away, we had no idea he'd had another will drawn up and made me executor.  My sister was almost fit to be tied- she's 7yrs younger than me.  Anyway, my Dad had had the house put in our names and everything was to be divided equally.  We didn't have to go into probate and I didn't ask for a penny more.  He made it so easy for us that things after his passing just fell into place. 

[SisterSisto]

Your sister is the executor of your Dad's will so all of the information about his estate will be addressed to her.  It is up to her to share all information with you.  The job of executor has alot of responsibility and requires alot of time and energy.  I would suggest getting a lawyer involved in this process.  My dad passed away and I was appointed executor of his will because I was the only girl and the oldest.  I have two brothers and they are my best friends and always have been.  I wanted to make sure that this process wouldn't interfere with my relationship with my brothers, so I involved them in the legal proceedings.  I had both of them with me when we went to the lawyer.  The lawyer did all of the explaining of the will, what my job would be, the notices that he would be responsible for, etc.  The will stated that everything physical would be liquidated and split into thirds after all bills were paid and obligations met.  My dad had a very large stock portfolio and I had the two brothers accompany me when I went to Edward Jones, the financial advisor explained things and how he would divide the portfolio into thirds and then each party could decide what to do with their third.  This whole process of liquidating, paying bills, selling the house, cleaning out the house and dividing up who wanted what, etc. took about a year.  This was the hardest job I've ever done.  What I did, to let my brothers know what I was doing was to start a running account of what I did every time I worked on this.  The "report" was quite lengthy but it detailed who I talked to, what decision was made, who I paid, what monies I received, what monies I deposited into the special account I had opened at the bank, etc.  I then would email the "report" to both brothers every other week, just so they knew what was going on.  This "report" was invaluable to me because it let me know where I had left off and what else needed to be done.  Once everything was said and done, I then emailed that I was sending them a check for a third.  Both brothers agreed and everyone was happy. 

Good luck on this venture but just remember, it's just you and your sister now.  Please don't let this ruin your relationship.  Your sister might be controlling but she is slogging through this process and is learning while she does.  Just keep your eyes open and be aware and ask questions.

[qualitygal]

@SisterSisto you're right on.