Among Friends

[LTT1]

if you are a caregiver for someone, would you please post ideas here?

Topics that come to my mind include:

“hiding the keys”

maintaining sanity

taking care of oneself❤️

managing personalities

I am sure that our forum members have numerous other ideas, so please feel free to post these. ❤️

[cherry]

It is also useful, if you share things, you have discovered ,about meds, and tips to sooth people, in a way that might calm them down, without resorting to pills

One thing I can suggest for mild agitation is peppermint.. It can be given in tea form, or as an aroma therapy type  form

[BirkiLady]

@LTT1Ask questions about the person's life. Be interested; listen to their history.

Give them a manicure and pedicure. Apply lotion to arms and legs. Touching is healing.

Read to them. Find a book. Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer were favorites!

Give them an easy plant to grow. Try a Christmas cactus, marigolds, ivy, etc. 

Play chess, canasta, a board game. Anything to keep the mind sharp.

Teach someone to knit.

Take someone on a tour of your City. Show them the sights and sounds again. Ice cream!

Laugh . . . good belly laughs are healthy.

Keep medicines in a daily dose box.

Grab bars in bathroom

High toilet

No tripping hazards

Emergency call button

Plenty of water to avoid dehydration

[LTT1]

@cherry

I have left my story out (about my parents and specifically my mother) because i am ashamed of specifically my mom’s behavior.

My parents have now passed.

I will write about it here when the time is right.

Suffice it to say, I did not realize what was happening because I lived out of state. Maybe it was better that way.❤️

[LTT1]

@BirkiLady

What wonderful ideas!

I am going to begin implementing these!

[cherry]

Sometimes mom embarassed me @LTT1  but, I had to remind myself ,she was ill ,and not responisble for some of the stuff she said

A dear friend of mine ,told me ,her mother popped out with language ,she didn't even know, she knew

Most of us have been there, and won't judge

[BirkiLady]

@LTT1I just added more (in an edit). My mom was a dementia patient for 14 years. There are so many things and so many areas to address. I don't know where to begin! If you give me a clue, I'll be happy to elaborate. I was mom's best health care advocate. She lived in Independent Living, Assisted Care and finally, Skilled Care. She had the best health care available in our City and I visited daily to keep her mind active. She passed away last July at 94. How I miss her! Yet, I know she's in a much better place and is no longer confused or searching for words to express herself. She was ready. 

It's painful to hear of anyone going through a similar experience with a loved one. Sending thoughts and prayers for a loving experience as you walk the journey together. I found it to be an incredible experience to share with mom. We became closer than ever during those years. Her pallative and hospice care was amazing. Death was beautiful, gentle, peaceful and in God's hands.

[RetRN]

I just wanted to say that taking care of someone with dementia in a professional, work setting is much different from being a caregiver at home of a family member. Until you are the one doing it, you have no idea of the toll that 24/7 care takes on a person. 

This thread is going to be an excellent tool for so many. 

[Yardlie]

Other problems that make life difficult for dementia patient caregivers are:

How to get siblings to pitch in and do their part of taking care of the parent...even when they live across the country. My siblings never call to see how I am doing. When they call, my mother is on the extension. If I call them or email them to tell them what is going on, they either don't answer my email or tell me that they have their own problems. Never once have they offered to come stay with our mother so DH and I could get a vacation. I've been taking care of Mom (and Dad before her) for over 8 years. I'd like to scream at them: "She's your mother too!"

My two sisters visit once a year. They both come at the same time and spend all their time visiting all the little tourist trap towns near us and going out to eat. One of them takes at least 10 cruises a year. When I try to tell them what I am going through with Mom, they tell me that they do not notice those problems. When I see people in town, they tell me that they bumped into Mom at the doctor or somewhere, and she seemed fine. When people talk on the phone to her, she chatters away like crazy. Well, guess what? You have to LIVE with someone to see what is really going on. Half of what she says or tells people on the phone is untrue, and the other half is either inaccurate or a figment of her imagination. 

[NickNack]

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@Yardlie wrote:

Other problems that make life difficult for dementia patient caregivers are:

How to get siblings to pitch in and do their part of taking care of the parent...even when they live across the country. My siblings never call to see how I am doing. When they call, my mother is on the extension. If I call them or email them to tell them what is going on, they either don't answer my email or tell me that they have their own problems. Never once have they offered to come stay with our mother so DH and I could get a vacation. I've been taking care of Mom (and Dad before her) for over 8 years. I'd like to scream at them: "She's your mother too!"

My two sisters visit once a year. They both come at the same time and spend all their time visiting all the little tourist trap towns near us and going out to eat. One of them takes at least 10 cruises a year. When I try to tell them what I am going through with Mom, they tell me that they do not notice those problems. When I see people in town, they tell me that they bumped into Mom at the doctor or somewhere, and she seemed fine. When people talk on the phone to her, she chatters away like crazy. Well, guess what? You have to LIVE with someone to see what is really going on. Half of what she says or tells people on the phone is untrue, and the other half is either inaccurate or a figment of her imagination. 

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@Yardlie  I am very sorry for what you're going through with your mom and your siblings.  I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to tell you I'm sorry.

My father is getting dementia.  He will be 90 years old in a couple of months.  He lives in an Independent Living facility and is doing fine there for the time being.  He goes to a lot of activities and everyone there likes him.  He's very sociable, although he doesn't remember anyone's names.  He can get to the dining room on time by himself. 

He's getting more and more forgetful though, and I know the time will come when he has to go to an Assisted Living with an Alzheimer's wing.  I think that will be an extremely hard transition for him.  Going from his home to the Independing Living was very hard on him.

My sister and I visit him frequently, and we pretty much divide the chores of doing his laundry, taking him to doctor's appts. and whatever else might come up.  We both visit him frequently.  He usually spends a few days with my sister at Christmas.  Everything is going on at her house, so it's much more interesting than staying at my house would be.  This year it stressed her out so bad I was really worried about her.  He shouldn't be going up and down stairs, and she has steps up to the bedrooms.  He also is very demanding of what you have to do for him--not in a mean way but he just is because it's hard for him to get up and do for himself.  He also wants her to sit and talk with him the entire time. I can't imagine how hard it would be to really be a full time caregiver.  I admire the strength of those of you that do it and hope you find ways to take care of yourself at the same time.