Bah Humbug - Page 6

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

Let me see if I have this straight. You decided that you would cook a ham and a turkey and bought all the fixings and then told (not asked) her that you would be bringing dinner. She had already discussed the dinner with her daughter and made plans to prepare something else. Am I missing where she needs to approve her menu with you? You didn't ask for approval with yours? I realize you're just venting but it seems from the outside that there is a whole lot of anger unrelated to the dinner. This is your husbands elderly mother. Who knows how many more holidays he will have with her. Embrace the spiritual meaning of the season. If it upsets you that much, let DH goes see his family and you go to Florida to see your. Or sit at home and be miserable without bringing everyone else down.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

Keeper of the koi · ‎12-14-2015

Perfectly said. Sad ....Maryanne

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@reiki604 wrote:
Let me see if I have this straight. You decided that you would cook a ham and a turkey and bought all the fixings and then told (not asked) her that you would be bringing dinner. She had already discussed the dinner with her daughter and made plans to prepare something else. Am I missing where she needs to approve her menu with you? You didn't ask for approval with yours? I realize you're just venting but it seems from the outside that there is a whole lot of anger unrelated to the dinner. This is your husbands elderly mother. Who knows how many more holidays he will have with her. Embrace the spiritual meaning of the season. If it upsets you that much, let DH goes see his family and you go to Florida to see your. Or sit at home and be miserable without bringing everyone else down.

I did not decide anything except to make the turkey & ham both so my MIL would not have to mess with either. I thought I was helping out. We always have turkey & ham except the times she changed things of course without notice so how am I supposed to know what's going on. I'm not the bad guy I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it would be easier on her if she only had to make a few side dishes. It would also help if the SIL would offer to help instead of sitting on her duff during the cooking & cleaning. Don't worry if I decide to stay home alone I won't be miserable. Just the opposite.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Sorry you're taking such a beating, Nightowlz! Some of us read your posts in this thread and understand how the scenario went down.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Nightowlz wrote:
@Q4u wrote:
Bless everyone's heart! It can be hard.....

As a matter of fact, there would be NO Christmas if it weren't for women and it wears us out! And some of it can be a power-play between the women.....

I read the noodle part and thought... well, that would leave me out, I can't eat noodles, they shoot my sugars through the roof... chicken yes, noodles no.... I'd have to bring something I could eat even if I had to tuck it in my purse.....

You have every reason to be frustrated because it sounds to me like it's been a power-play between the two of you for too many years .... hang in there and I hope things work out for you so you can enjoy your holiday with your husband's family....

Noodles are not for diabetics. That's another reason my MIL should not make this meal. Her daughter is diabetic with weight of at least 400 lbs. but she will eat the noodles & 2-3 pieces of pie. She would be better off with some turkey & veggie dishes.

So, really, it's the family that's the problem. You despise them, period. Got it.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Nightowlz wrote:
@Another new name Sue wrote:
Wow. There is a lot more going on here than noodles as you seem to be harboring a lot of anger. How sad that you would miss a family dinner because don't like the food.

Think about it--Christmas is a holiday when we get together with family. What is eaten is relatively unimportant. You can eat the food you like ANY time, so do a little attitude adjustment and go along with the plans. If you stay home, it will just create more hard feelings, more negative family history. Everyone will remember the year when Nightowiz didn't come to Christmas dinner and went to FL!!! Seriously, rise above this, smile and go. Or start thinking about what is really bothering you and why you anger so easily over food.

My 2 cents.

It's not about the food. I'm happy with a turkey sandwich & a piece of pecan pie. I'm not eating a bowl of noodles. The anger is with the MIL that decides to do these things without including me. It's happened over & over again. After 39 yrs. I have had enough. I hate buying all this stuff to find what we normally used to do has been changed again without any kind of notice. If DH had not called his mom to tell her we would make the ham & turkey we would not have heard from her until 1-2 days before Christmas. It's ok for her to make changes but not me. One year I took a red velvet cake instead of pecan pies & everyone got ticked off. They did not like the change & I don't like the change.

It certainly sounds as thought it IS about the food if you feel so strongly about not eating "a bowl of noodles". You also said in your OP, "I'm all for a Traditional Christmas dinner so I will be staying home on Christmas."

Holidays are about the people, not the food. Yes, the food part is great and traditional foods are wonderful. But I can't imagine refusing to go for a reason like that. She is entitled to serve whatever she wants in her own home. And you can have your own traditional foods in your home that night or the next day. For the sake of your DH, it would be nice if you could show some respect to his mother even when it's not easy to do. Let the power struggle go.

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

If your MIL has been doing this for 39 years, you should not be surprised and still ticked off. Just roll your eyes and go over.

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

Make your Christmas meal the day before and have a nice dinner. Then eat before you go over and when you come home. If you want bring a few slices of ham and some vegetables with you as "sides."

Do the math.