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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,889
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Anxiety in the elderly

[ Edited ]

My mother is 95 years old. She admits to suffering from anxiety all her life. I’ve witnessed it first hand for 70 years. Now that she is less mobile, and long-ago retired, her anxiety has worsened and now it is affecting her health in dangerous ways.

 

 Here’s a recent example. I told my mother I had a PT appointment for 9am Tuesday. I had knee replacement surgery followed by an intestinal infection but I am doing fairly well now. Mom had broken her hip in November and, thankfully, she is recovering well for someone her age. She started calling me three times a day (we used to talk once a day) to reassure herself that I was doing OK. However, she forgot about my PT appointment and as soon as she got no phone answer, she went into full panic mode. Her aide could not calm her down. She called my land line and my cell over a dozen times within a span of 20 minutes. I had shut my cell because I was doing PT. 

 

My mother called my daughters, my brother, and my neighbor, who all guessed correctly that I was probably at PT. Mom assumed something dire had happened to me, that I was at the hospital (even though her call to the hospital proved her wrong). She assumed I had not yet been processed at the ER. All this happened between just before 9 am until I returned home at 9:45 am.

 

Since that day, Mom has not been feeling well. She has already suffered several mini-strokes over the past few years and confessed on Weds that her hands were feeling tingly. Her aide and I both recalled previous instances where Mom panicked uncontrollably and irrationally and was ill for days afterwards. She would never go to a therapist and simply repeats her mantra, «I can’t help it.» She had several panic attacks when she was at rehab for her hip and they did medicate her, but 95 year olds should not regularly be given anti anxiety drugs.

 

This is not a new phenomenon. When my husband and I took our kids out to a later-than-usual dinner because we were on vacation, my mother called the local police to find us. That was 45 years ago. After the most recent incident, she begged me for my February schedule. I did send her my PT and doctor appointments but reminded her that I’ll be returning to the Y for workouts and that I may be having lunch or dinner out. I know what will happen. She will panic if she thinks I should be home. It’s driving me crazy but it is making my mother physically ill.

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 582
Registered: ‎08-26-2017

@Vivian  It sounds as if you've helped your mother a great deal over the years because she relies on you to be there.  That's a wonderful gift to her and has probably helped her anxiety level.  A couple of things that come to mind are to not shut your phone off but only answer it if it's your mother.  Could you then talk to her for a couple of seconds, tell her where you are and when you will call her back?  Also, could a psychiatrist come up with some type of medication that would help her anxiety and be okay for her age?  If so, that could make a big difference.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 139
Registered: ‎05-03-2010

My mom is 94 and we are in a similar situation. I try to always answer her calls. I quietly answer that I’m in with a dr and will call her back as soon as I’m done, then hang up. Never had a dr not understand the stress we are under while dealing with an aging parent. 

 

My mom was a busy working woman in her earlier years, but now her world is much smaller and I’m her only family left. It must be very frightening to be in that situation. I try to remember that daily. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,356
Registered: ‎01-03-2012

Thank you Vivian for posting this.  I came here to post the same thing.  My mom is doing the same thing to me.  She’s 82 and has been texting me for years and as her anxiety has gotten worse, so have her texts.  If I don’t answer my texts within minutes, she thinks something horrible has happened to me.  My brother and sister don’t receive those tests because my brother is always in a different country and my sis flat out doesn’t text.  I’m the only one who doesn’t work, so she feels she can text whenever.  My brother’s wife, won’t acknowledge the changes in my mom because she told me that my brother thinks my mom is too needy and won’t respond, that leaves me feeling all alone with no where to turn.  

 

I’ve told my mom that she needs to give me time to text her back.  We live thousands of miles from her.  I feel alone in my family, since my brother and sister don’t see this behavior and they accuse me of wanting to put her in a home.  None of us live close to her. When we had snow the other week, she texted me and when I didn’t answer right away, she called my husband at work.  I reminded her again last night to give me time to respond.  She said well I guess I will just stop texting you and calling you then.  She takes anti anxiety pills and forgets how many she takes and when I call her she sounds loopy.  Again,  my family doesn’t believe me.  Bless you for opening this thread.  I fear it will only get worse with our moms. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,356
Registered: ‎01-03-2012

Re: Anxiety in the elderly

[ Edited ]

wrote:

My mom is 94 and we are in a similar situation. I try to always answer her calls. I quietly answer that I’m in with a dr and will call her back as soon as I’m done, then hang up. Never had a dr not understand the stress we are under while dealing with an aging parent. 

 

My mom was a busy working woman in her earlier years, but now her world is much smaller and I’m her only family left. It must be very frightening to be in that situation. I try to remember that daily. 


My sis-in-law said that I let my mom control me when I do this.  The family just ignores her.  My mom won’t remember me telling her to give me time to text back or call back,  so what food does it do when I remind her.  I feel alone, since my family lets me deal with it. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 582
Registered: ‎08-26-2017

Re: Anxiety in the elderly

[ Edited ]

wrote:

Thank you Vivian for posting this.  I came here to post the same thing.  My mom is doing the same thing to me.  She’s 82 and has been texting me for years and as her anxiety has gotten worse, so have her texts.  If I don’t answer my texts within minutes, she thinks something horrible has happened to me.  My brother and sister don’t receive those tests because my brother is always in a different country and my sis flat out doesn’t text.  I’m the only one who doesn’t work, so she feels she can text whenever.  My brother’s wife, won’t acknowledge the changes in my mom because she told me that my brother thinks my mom is too needy and won’t respond, that leaves me feeling all alone with no where to turn.  

 

I’ve told my mom that she needs to give me time to text her back.  We live thousands of miles from her.  I feel alone in my family, since my brother and sister don’t see this behavior and they accuse me of wanting to put her in a home.  None of us live close to her. When we had snow the other week, she texted me and when I didn’t answer right away, she called my husband at work.  I reminded her again last night to give me time to respond.  She said well I guess I will just stop texting you and calling you then.  She takes anti anxiety pills and forgets how many she takes and when I call her she sounds loopy.  Again,  my family doesn’t believe me.  Bless you for opening this thread.  I fear it will only get worse with our moms. 


@GSPgirl  You are an angel for looking out for your mother!  Call her doctor and tell him/her about this.  The doctor will know what to do.  It is especially concerning that she's taking too many pills sometimes.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,356
Registered: ‎01-03-2012

Re: Anxiety in the elderly

[ Edited ]

wrote:

@Vivian  It sounds as if you've helped your mother a great deal over the years because she relies on you to be there.  That's a wonderful gift to her and has probably helped her anxiety level.  A couple of things that come to mind are to not shut your phone off but only answer it if it's your mother.  Could you then talk to her for a couple of seconds, tell her where you are and when you will call her back?  Also, could a psychiatrist come up with some type of medication that would help her anxiety and be okay for her age?  If so, that could make a big difference.


That’s interesting what you said that about the meds.  My mom’s doctor prescribes Ativan, which you take as needed.  I asked her to talk to her doctor to put on a depression medication and she said those make her sick.  She also said asked the doctor if she was taking too much Ativan and he asked are you falling down the stairs?  I can’t believe that’s his litmus test.  Mom is very lonely and her best friend just died in her little town.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,356
Registered: ‎01-03-2012

Re: Anxiety in the elderly

[ Edited ]

wrote:

wrote:

Thank you Vivian for posting this.  I came here to post the same thing.  My mom is doing the same thing to me.  She’s 82 and has been texting me for years and as her anxiety has gotten worse, so have her texts.  If I don’t answer my texts within minutes, she thinks something horrible has happened to me.  My brother and sister don’t receive those tests because my brother is always in a different country and my sis flat out doesn’t text.  I’m the only one who doesn’t work, so she feels she can text whenever.  My brother’s wife, won’t acknowledge the changes in my mom because she told me that my brother thinks my mom is too needy and won’t respond, that leaves me feeling all alone with no where to turn.  

 

I’ve told my mom that she needs to give me time to text her back.  We live thousands of miles from her.  I feel alone in my family, since my brother and sister don’t see this behavior and they accuse me of wanting to put her in a home.  None of us live close to her. When we had snow the other week, she texted me and when I didn’t answer right away, she called my husband at work.  I reminded her again last night to give me time to respond.  She said well I guess I will just stop texting you and calling you then.  She takes anti anxiety pills and forgets how many she takes and when I call her she sounds loopy.  Again,  my family doesn’t believe me.  Bless you for opening this thread.  I fear it will only get worse with our moms. 


@GSPgirl  You are an angel for looking out for your mother!  Call her doctor and tell him/her about this.  The doctor will know what to do.  It is especially concerning that she's taking too many pills sometimes.


Thank you.  You are the only person that has said this to me.  I’m in tears.  I can’t talk to her doctor because I don’t have the medical of attorney.  My brother does and he doesn’t care. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,755
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

My mother is 92 and she sounds very similar. One day I had an important call at work with the company VP's. When it was time for my call there was a very bad thunderstorm going on. I put my office phone on speaker and began my call. During the call, my cell phone kept lighting up with calls and I could see it was mom. I tried to keep my cool because I was not sure that something did not happen to her. The calls were constant throughout my call. When I finally called her back, she was panicked because of the thunderstorm that I was OK. She even went out in the thunderstorm to drive by my house. I explained to her that I was at work at the hospital. Her anxiety makes life very difficult for her and me. It continues to this day. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 582
Registered: ‎08-26-2017

@GSPgirl  Why don't you call the doctor's office and see whether you can speak to them?  Health power of attorney means you direct their medical care.  I don't think it means no other family member can call the doctor to discuss the patient's condition.  Maybe the doctor can't give you all the info about your mother's care because of HIPAA regulations, but he/she likely would desperately want to take in this information.  It is crucial to your mother's medical care.  Call Monday morning and tell the receptionist that you have critical information you must give the doctor.  You could ask whether it is best to arrange a call back or to send the doctor an e-mail.  You are indeed an angel on earth to your mother!