Re: Am I being too over sensitive?

Etoile308 · ‎01-04-2014

I come from a large close family. To me the only obituary it matters if I'm mentioned is my own.

newjerseygirl · ‎03-09-2010

@frenchie wrote:
@newjerseygirl wrote:
@frenchie I don't think you are being too sensitive. You should have been mentioned.
I would feel left out if that happened to me.

Who made the arrangements? Who gave the information for the obituary?

I believe a nephew did. I am his aunt. I know he knows I'm still alive.

@frenchie My guess is that the nephew didn't realize that your name should have been included. The funeral director should have asked if there was a spouse when your husband's name was given.

~Jersey Girls don't pump gas~

eadu4 · ‎06-14-2011

@frenchie I am sorry for the loss of your BIL. I wouldn't be too upset. Sometimes the funeral home gives you a form to fill out and some people are just ignorant of social protocols. They see "family" and think just of the immediate direct family and don't think to include "in-laws". Then there are some who list just about every relative the deceased had. I don't think it was deliberate just someone not very good at what to put in an obituary.

River Song · ‎03-15-2010

Sometimes in-laws know exactly what they are saying and grief has nothing to do with it. They are showing you who they are...believe them.

I met my first husband at university, we were together 10 years, got married. A year and a half later he died in a car accident. I was told by his oldest brother that I was no longer a member of my husband's family. None of his family members have spoken to me for the last 35 years and I'll be darned if I'm going to make the effort to reach out to them. They showed me who they are.

War is not a video game others play to entertain us. “Gamifying” war strips away the humanity of real people and is a profound moral failure.

walkingal · ‎03-09-2010

@frenchie My condolences on the passing of your brother-in-law. I don't think you're being too sensitive. The funeral director or whoever took the information from your family for the obit should have asked questions and double checked everything. I have buried a lot of family members, and the funeral home we have always used works very closely with the family. They understand you can't possibly know or remember everything to do. What does your husband think? Are you going to say anything to his side of the family?

conlt · ‎03-16-2010

@frenchie I would let it go. Whoever wrote the obituary was under a lot of stress. When my mom died, I left out the fact that my sister was a doctor. My sister was upset, honestly, I did not think about her being a doctor when I wrote the obituary. When someone dies, everyone is under duress.

Kardi · ‎05-20-2010

Maybe you're not being too sensitive and you could and should have been acknowledged, however, I would urge you to move past this and not comment on it to anyone in the family. When my mother died my sister and I handled all the arrangements and her estate. It was stressful and we were mourning our loss. My aunt, our mothers sister criticized the obit because we neglected to mention our mothers maiden name. Our mother was 90 when she died. It was an oversight perhaps, but she was married to our father at 19 years of age. People who knew her by her maiden name are mostly all dead. Same aunt criticized the picture we chose for the newspapers death notice. On top of everything else we were dealing with, we didn't need that. In the scheme of things, it's not really important.