Advice needed please - Page 3

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@Dignity wrote:
My father passed away December of last year. He had a female friend for a year or so prior to his illness. As a result of them becoming close, he shared a lot of information with her. She shared that information with me over the phone recently and said that it was information that should not be shared with my husband or my sister's husband.

One thing that she stated to me was that my dad told her that I more than likely still had the inheritance that my mother left me. However, my sister probably spent all of hers. She told me some other sensitive information that my dad had already shared with my sister and I.

She said that she was not going to share it with any of the other family members on my dad's side. She said that it would be kept secret. The reason why I am asking for advice is because I don't think she should have made that statement about my sister to me.

I don't think it is any of her business and she didn't need to share it with me.
She is a very emotionally needy kind of person. As a result, my sister invited her for Thanksgiving dinner and I invited her for Christmas dinner. Obviously she was close to my father.

However, I don't feel that she is close enough to me or my sister to have that kind of conversation. I also feel that her suggestion about not sharing the information with our husbands is strange.

In fact, my husband and dad were close and my husband is already aware of the information she shared. What do you think? I am starting to feel uncomfortable with her.

She asked me to call her once a month to stay in touch. I didn't share my feeling with my sister. However, my husband said that he thought it was out of place and he was the one who wanted me to invite her for Christmas dinner. Should I keep my distance?

hckynut(john)

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I would forget the conversation happened since you knew the details already. If she were to start a similar conversation, I would stop her in her tracks and tell her you are uncomfortable keeping secrets and won't. If it can't be talked about, don't tell me. It sounds like she is lonely and wanted to get this off her chest. It's not something she could talk to someone outside the family about.

If you don't feel comfortable keeping in contact, cut it off. Don't do it out of obligation or you feel bad for her. Keep her on the Christmas card list and send her a nice note at Christmas time.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

I think I would have just told her that my husband - and sister - already had the "secret" information she was sharing. So then if she had some ulterior motive about later asking for money to keep "other secrets" she'd have realized I wouldn't be interested.

If she reacted badly to my response, I'd also warn my sister.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Who even knows if what she said is accurate. I'd file it under garbage and not say anything to anyone. And if she tries to tell you such info in the future, let her know you don't want to know. It sounds like hurtful gossip to me.

Thrive · ‎08-03-2011

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KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

I would have told her that this supposedly secret information that your father told her was no secret as your father had revealed this same information to you. SInce your father had not requested that you keep the information from your husband and sister when he told you you saw no reason to keep the information private and they were aware of it. She sounds like a busy body who likes drama. I would feel no obligation to her. DOesn't she have any family of her own? A year's relationship with your father hardly qualifies her to remain especially close with your family.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

I would keep my distance but still be friendly unless something else should happen.

It's true that she sounds either needy or is fishing for more information....maybe both.

Why did she bring this up to begin with? I would have asked her. Even now you could ignore it until she starts a sensitive conversation again. You could ask "why are you telling me this?" It might reveal a lot in what she says.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

It's just my opinion - if she told you, she told others.

What your sister did with her inheritance is her business as long as she's not asking others to pay her bills.

If it were me, I would have to tell my sister about the conversation and I personally would cut ties with her.

She seems to be a pot stirrer.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Thrive IMO keep your distance. It seems she's attempting to play one family member against another and worse come between wives and husband's by asking them to keep secrets. I see nothing but trouble by remaining close to her. If your father was still alive, you would have to tolerate her meddling. Since that's not the case, stay clear. She's no longer your responsibility.

Susan in California · ‎06-02-2014

I must admit, I agree with everyone who suggests distancing yourself from this woman. Her comments were inappropriate and potentially trouble making. Her relationship was not long with your father. I would gradually let her go.