Among Friends

[software]

Sorry for the loss of your dad.

His friend sounds like a manipulative drama queen.

Unless you have some "business" with her, I'd keep my distance.

@Thrive

[libbyannE]

You are asking the right questions. In her neediness, she may be fishing for information or awkwardly trying to create intimacy with you. Your family is kind to invite her for holidays, but I would not give her information or encourage her to tell you more. I would be suspicious of anyone asking me to keep such info from the rest of my family and would tell her that your family does not keep secrets from each other, or words to that effect, to discourage her and to let her know politely that the behavior is not allowed.

[Kachina624]

I'd say she's a busy body and potential trouble-maker.   I'd start distancing myself from her and certainly wouldn't "check in"  on a monthly basis.   Sound like she's trying to ingrate herself and become a family member. 

[Gayle2]

I was in a family situation where I was approached about "some dirt" about another family member.   The person came across as being "concerned" "caring" etc.  Anytime, IMO, someone tells you to keep it to yourself etc...they are automatically putting you in an awkward situation.  I would stay clear or at the minimum, if you continue a relationship, I would short stop her next time she wants to "share".   I am sorry for your loss but you don't need anymore drama either

[ECBG]

There's no way to understand her motives without having a prolonged relationship with her.

A number of people will "pass something by you" in order to gain understanding or advice on how to handle the percieved problem.

 Some people just talk.

I try to need to "freshen" my plate, drink, whatever.

[Allegheny]

@Thrive  May I ask how old is this person?

[VaBelle35]

My first call would be to my sister to see if she had a similar conversation with this woman and compare notes.

My take is she's fishing and you are not the only one she has called.

[viva923]

this is my personal opinion

RED FLAGS went up for me.  something is not right here. She has to much information for just a short time girlfriend of you late dad.  

I have a feeling she is phishing for more information. something about that money left to you by your late mom.  I have a feeling she wants something (money is first thing that popped up for me).  she may begin to hint about money so she won't tell other people about personal family info your late dad told her.

I think she is also trying to drive a wedge between you and your sister.  

I may be all wrong about this, but something just sent chills up my spine about this whole thing.

[Mrsq2022]

.

[MsLomo]

@Thrive, I think your instincts are solid -- that she should not have shared the information that she learned from your Dad, and that she should not have asked you to keep anything secret from your husband and sister or any other family member.

She was close to your Dad, and it feels like she is using that connection with your Dad to emotionally manipulate you ... only she knows why: To try to develop a closeness with you? For control? For curiosity about money? Because she wants to be #1 with you and is jealous that you might be close to your husband and sister? 

Because what she said would be hurtful to your sister, I wouldn't share that information with your sister. I would share it with your husband if you feel like it.

I think your instinct is right to keep your distance from her. If she tries to tell you anything else, I would let her know that you do not keep secrets from your husband and family members, so if there's anything she doesn't want everyone else to know, she shouldn't tell you. 

I agree with @viva923 and other posters about feeling very uneasy about this person.