Wellness

[LilacTree]

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@shy bobcat wrote:

My DD is sick with an incurable disease.  I am so sad.  I want to do what is best for her. I don't know if I should force a brave face and intellectual conversation when my heart is breaking.  I do not want to add to her worry if I were to let my feelings show.  I would be a sobbing mess.  I would appreciate your wise advice.

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@shy bobcat

I have four daughters and six grandchildren, four of them girls.  I am so sorry to hear this.  One of my daughters is chronically ill and we live together, both of us with chronic illness.  No cures on the horizon for either of us.

I can certainly empathize with you . . . I would never want to outlive her or any of my children or grandchildren.  I can hardly cope with the loss of my dear sister.  I don't know how, but we learn to live with these tragedies somehow. 

I think sometimes it's not a bad thing to cry together and let your feelings show when the situation arises.  I wish you strength and your daughter many peaceful times. 

[2blonde]

@shy bobcat  I'm so sorry for what you and your DD are about to experience.  My best advice to you would be to think about what YOU would want or what would be important to you if YOU were the one who was terminal.  For me, it would be just knowing that a close loved one was there for me and available whenever I needed them to go through it with me.  She may cry, you may cry at times.......I don't think that's important.  The important thing will be that YOU are there.

[dulwich]

@shy bobcat  This is very hard for you.  When our granddaughter diagnosed with incurable disease few years ago I cannot express how we all felt - still to this day it is awful - now I am crying too.

Not sure how old your daughter is but it depends on her - in our case gdaughter very stoic, to this day does not want to talk about it whereas my daughter - her Mom - and I have to "disappear" sometimes just to cry at the unfairness of it all.  We know by her face how she is doing

Be guided by her - sometimesjust being there, holding someone is all that is needed - at least we can do this.  So sad my prayers and thoughts with you.  Hang in.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@shy bobcat wrote:

My DD is sick with an incurable disease.  I am so sad.  I want to do what is best for her. I don't know if I should force a brave face and intellectual conversation when my heart is breaking.  I do not want to add to her worry if I were to let my feelings show.  I would be a sobbing mess.  I would appreciate your wise advice.

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@shy bobcat

SO sorry about this development.  I'm not clear if this is a chronic condition or a terminal illness. 

If it's chronic, you can offer support on how to manage this illness in her every day life. 

If it's terminal, there's a lot of insights online.  Google "what to do when a family member is terminally ill" and see what applies to your situation.

I wish you the best ....  

[wagirl]

I am very sorry about what you and DD are going thru. It is a horrible situation and ,of course, you are overcome with sadness and grief. That is perfectly normal.  You should take your cues from your daughter. But then----I would research what her disease is and get as much information as possible-----as  information is power, good,  bad and ugly. Then maybe offer to go with her to appts/drs/ tests/scans and be her 2nd pair of ears. Ask questions that you have that she may not even think of. If needed, suggest 2nd opinions and be pro active, if she wants you to. All depends on her if she is an adult, of course.

Good luck!!

[lynbeechwood]

You are both in my prayers.

[Carmie]

I am so sorry for your daughter and for you too.

i know how you feel.  I only have one daughter and she suffers from an incurable disease  too.  She was diagnosed with MS soon after her only child was born.

she took it okay, but I was a mess.  What did I ever do that caused this disease?  I looked for blame in myself and wondered what I could have done differently.

Well, it has been thirteen years, and she is still okay with it.  In fact, too okay in my opinion.  She doesn’t take care of her health the way I want her to.  She wants to live normal the way she always has and I want her to be more cautious.

I have learned to relax about her condition.  I can’t change it and I know now that I didn’t cause it.  Life happens and sometimes life is ugly.  I pray a lot, for her and her daughter.

i just let them know that I will always be here to help in any way that I can.  

May God bless you and your family.

[meallen616]

shy bobcat,

[corita]

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@shy bobcat wrote:

My DD is sick with an incurable disease.  I am so sad.  I want to do what is best for her. I don't know if I should force a brave face and intellectual conversation when my heart is breaking.  I do not want to add to her worry if I were to let my feelings show.  I would be a sobbing mess.  I would appreciate your wise advice.

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       My heart is with you.  I have been thru two terminal illnesses of my children.  Spent hours at doctors, hospitals, Hospice etc.   It will be the most difficult time of your life.  You want to cry, but not always in front of your children.  You want to be up and happy, but is so hard to "act".   

      My suggestion -- just roll with the feelings of the day, the hour, the minute. Let your child lead the way.

     Another trick --- I used my shower time to really let myself cry out.  It was cathartic!  Good wishes.....

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[LilacTree]

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@corita wrote:

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@shy bobcat wrote:

My DD is sick with an incurable disease.  I am so sad.  I want to do what is best for her. I don't know if I should force a brave face and intellectual conversation when my heart is breaking.  I do not want to add to her worry if I were to let my feelings show.  I would be a sobbing mess.  I would appreciate your wise advice.

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       My heart is with you.  I have been thru two terminal illnesses of my children.  Spent hours at doctors, hospitals, Hospice etc.   It will be the most difficult time of your life.  You want to cry, but not always in front of your children.  You want to be up and happy, but is so hard to "act".   

      My suggestion -- just roll with the feelings of the day, the hour, the minute. Let your child lead the way.

     Another trick --- I used my shower time to really let myself cry out.  It was cathartic!  Good wishes.....

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@corita

OMG, corita.  My heart goes out to you.  I cannot imagine the pain.  You seem to have great strength.  Please accept my sincere condolences.  I hope life has and will continue to give you great gifts in the future.