Community Chat

[goodstuff]

Just needing to vent. It's hard to get into the holiday spirit this year, as DH's mother, who turned 96 this past weekend, is having so many difficulties. She fell a few weeks ago (one of a series of falls in her assisted living home) and broke her pelvis in two places, which resulted in a hospitalization and several weeks in inpatient therapy. She was already showing increased signs of memory loss, confusion, and emotional problems, and all the trauma and changes of locale have really pushed her around a not-very-good corner. She has been uncooperative and sometimes combative in the nursing center and has managed to fall several more times there in spite of bed rails, a bed alarm, a room right across from the nurse's station, etc. I don't think she can remember that she can't safely get up without assistance.....and she doesn't want to cooperate anyway! She was becoming increasingly isolated and complaining in her assisted living home and is even more so in the nursing center. It's hard to know what to do, but she really doesn't have the money for the increased level of care that would be required if she returned to the assisted living home, and frankly we think she needs the medical/psych supervision she can receive in the nursing home. She'll just spend down to Medicaid eligibility, which won't take long, as she has almost outlived her funds.

We think she is exhibiting "sundowning", as she is often agitated and difficult in the evenings. DH and I are the only family to look after her, and we are weary from the constant crises and complaints, middle-of-the-night phone calls, and ER visits. We had another of those last night in the wee hours, as she complained of chest pain which turned out to be related to a UTI. DH spent hours in the hospital as she was being checked out. Again. We hate to hear the phone ring.

I feel for her, and I feel for us. We visit her just about every day -- a twenty mile round trip, but we can't live there, and we can't handle her here. Poor DH gets the brunt of it. He is so conscientious and tender-hearted, but no one can do enough to make her happy. Not a holly-jolly Christmas season, for sure.

Just needed to vent.