Akward request to attend funeral - Page 9

J Town Girl · ‎06-13-2011

I've read all of the responses and I guess I am seeing things a little different. Their father hasn't been married to their mother for many years and has made a life with the woman to whom he is now married.

I think the adult sons are being disrespectful to the OP. My husband has not been married before but I have been and I know he wouldn't really want me to attend the funeral of my ex-husband. He wouldn't stop me but I know it would bother him.

If these were children or even teenagers then I could see them possibly wanting their Dad there with them but these are mature men and it's childish to think that they need support from their father. We have to face the facts that unless we pass first we will all have to deal with the loss of one or both of our parents. Many of us have lost a parent while we were still young. I lost my Dad when I was 18 years of age.

These men are well past the age where they need someone to hold their hand and I assume they have their own families.

Making their father feel guilty for not wanting to attend his ex-wife's funeral is just pathetic, Instead of pushing him into something that he doesn't want maybe they should just be grateful that they still have him. Many people who reach the age that these men are no longer have either parent still living.

It sounds like this gentleman is not in the best of health and he certainly doesn't need to be harassed like this by men who are well past the age of acting like children.

VanSleepy · ‎10-05-2010

When my husband died, his ex-wife flew 900 miles to be there. I found out that my stepdaughter was trying to discourage her mom from coming because she thought it would be awkward. I told her that her mom was looking at it as her children had just lost their father; of course she wanted to be there for them.

If anyone is acting immature in this scenario, it isn't the grieving sons.

DottieBlue · ‎03-11-2010

Do these grown "children" have wives? Shouldn't their wife be there to hold their hands in support, why does it have to be their elderly father? Time to loosen the apron strings.

I think the OP mentioned the woman's numerous marriages just to show that she didn't let any grass grow under her feet after their divorce and had certainly "moved on" from that marriage.

I feel sorry for the sons, it hurts to lose a parent no matter what your age. But dragging your elderly father into it when they themselves didn't have much to do with their mother confounds me. Why so much pressure? Their motive is suspicious to me.

Just my take on just this specific scenario as posted by the OP. Every family is different and every situation is different.

santorini · ‎03-09-2010

@kitcat51 wrote:
He should go & support his sons, it's about them not his ex....they will never forget if he doesn't.

I feel the same way. I would encourage him to go.

ManyMeows · ‎01-11-2014

👤 👤 👤 👤 👤

The ex-wife Has Been Married 5 Times ......

Are the other 4 exes planning to attend along with their family members to support them?

PickyPicky3 · ‎10-22-2018

@Love my grandkids I am surprised to see that @Cakers3 pointed out your error about my question. I saw it last night and thought nothing of it. We all make mistakes, especially late at night.

What's important to me is that the OP did NOT answer this question. I couldn't leave an opinion without knowing if the stepsons' spouses, children and friends were attending the funeral.

Lakelife62 · ‎05-09-2023

@chrystaltree wrote:
@CalminHeart wrote:

My ex and I have been divorced 27 years. I'd go to his funeral to support our kids.

Why did you feel the need to trash the ex with how many times she was married? Tacky.

Her entire post was tacky but that unnecessary jab at the widow said a lot. It's likely that she is the problem. She's pressuring her husband not to go. He knows if he goes for his sons, they'll be heck to pay at home.

I agree. I believe its the OP who doesn't want her husband to attend and is spinning this to make it appear the grown sons are wrong for asking their father to be there. I wonder if the sons have any children- the OPs step grandchildren- who might have also requested their grandfather be there.

A shame to put a wedge between an old man and his sons.

JaneMarple · ‎05-23-2011

When John McCain and Edward Kennedy died, both of their ex wives attended their funerals. Both widows were very thoughtful to have them attend.

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson

Toppers3 · ‎10-25-2016

@kaydee50 wrote:
Why should he go to a funeral of someone he has been divorced from for 30 years? The sons have a relationship with their mother, he doesn't. If your husband is not well, he should just tell his adult sons he is not physically able to travel. I think it's odd that the sons expect him to attend. They should be able to handle the situation on their own.

I read the OP. It's mentioned in there that the Dad/husband is ill/not well.

It can be that when someone is not feeling well, it's very difficult for them to drive, travel, and be around others, family or otherwise, because they're feeling that unwell.

Sometimes others can have a really difficult time understanding this. They still expect the other person to carry on as if nothing is going on.