Akward request to attend funeral - Page 4

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

If it was local or within a couple hours drive, I'd go.

At the very least, I'd want to see my grown kids and support them in some way. Find a special way to do that. Not just a plant or flowers. Find a personal way to support the grown kids.

Losing a parent is traumatic at any age. Just because they are in their 50s doesn't mean they don't need their living parent.

Always act on the side of love and compassion.

nova · ‎03-09-2010

@Isobel Archer wrote:
Sometimes you just don't know how you will feel when a parent dies .

My mother and father divorced before I was 2. I think I saw my dad 3 times in my life after that before he died - when I was 29. He had no interest in me and never even paid child suppot.

My mother blamed me for the divorce and told me ever after that I had ruined her life by "driving my dad away." She died when I was 60.

I really didn't expect to feel sadness for either - yet I did. I even cried when my mother died - and I almost never cry.

So don't be so hard on your stepson. If I were his dad (or stepmom), I'd go and support him.

@Isobel Archer Your post touched me. Grief is such a process - sometimes how we "expect" to feel is not what happens when a death occurs. All each of us can do is put one foot in front of the other & keep going.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

My ex and I have been divorced 27 years. I'd go to his funeral to support our kids.

Why did you feel the need to trash the ex with how many times she was married? Tacky.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

"The answer is no. What part of NO don't you understand". Sorry, but dad's ill and won't be attending. 'Nuff said.

Adding: I think she's trying to watch out for her husband. (Health).

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

If your DH is physically unable to attend, that's one thing. Being stubborn is another. Attending the funeral of his ex isn't about him, it's about supporting his grieving children. No matter how old they get or we get, there are times our kids still need us. Be glad they still want him and don't chance missing this opportunity and end up maybe setting up some division that could hurt a relationship. JMO

We rescue cats · ‎01-25-2023

I can't decide right or wrong in this, only your husband can decide that. I don't know what happened to cause the divorce, he may have suffered deep pain caused by whatever the cause was and he does not want to re-open those wounds. He can support his son by listening, praying with him and being there for him with support. As long as your husband will not beat himself up over this I would encourage him to do what his heart is telling him to do.

Critter Lover! (especially cats!)

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@We rescue cats wrote:
I can't decide right or wrong in this, only your husband can decide that. I don't know what happened to cause the divorce, he may have suffered deep pain caused by whatever the cause was and he does not want to re-open those wounds. He can support his son by listening, praying with him and being there for him with support. As long as your husband will not beat himself up over this I would encourage him to do what his heart is telling him to do.

What a nice response. Heart-felt.

shoptilyadropagain · ‎03-19-2014

It's OK to ask but the sons need to respect their father's decision. They have each other for support during the funeral itself and dad can be there before and immediately after the funeral.

I have a brother and a niece who were married before. I'm proud of them for co-existing at family events (birthday parties graduations, weddings, etc.). They're not besties but they're all friendly towards one another and their respective spouses. I think if one of their kids asked them to attend the funeral for the ex, my brother and niece would do it but I certainly don't think that's true with most people and their ex.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown

ManyMeows · ‎01-11-2014

👥 Pack your bags, Dad, your boys are going to take you on a guilt trip.

walkingal · ‎03-09-2010

@Trailrun23 I don't think you're in a weird situation. I think your step-sons put their father in a weird situation and on the spot. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to go. They are divorced. End of story.