Community Chat

[vermint]

Only your DH can make this decision...and if he cannot go because of health problems, then his sons should understand--though I do understand them wanting him there.

My brother's first wife was/is a nightmare of mental health issues, made his life miserable for years before their divorce. They had 3 sons (my nephews). When her parents died, my nephews were all in their late 20's-early 30's.

BOTH of my brothers, their wives, DH and I, and even my dad went to the visitation to support our sons, nephews, grandsons. We did not attend the funeral services, and honestly, I think once you speak to the family, you can leave if you want to. I couldn't tell you who attended my parents's funerals for the most part--but I remember who came to the visitation.

My nephews were appreciative that we all came to the visitations.

[Greeneyedlady21]

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@Grade1Teach wrote:

I personally don't think there's anything to question about this.

This woman was his sons' mother.  They are grieving over their mother and want their father there to support them.  I understand that he doesn't want to go, but as their only surviving parent, he should be there for his sons.

I know you said they are 52 and 46 years old.  Age doesn't matter.  They are still two sons who have lost their mother, even if they weren't close with her at the time of her death.  He should go and be there for his children.

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I agree 100 percent with everything you said. I also think the stepmother should stay out of it, and not call them needy and immature? I think she said. Inappropriate. I think op's husband can and should make his own decision, even about his health issues as far as going .

[Sooner]

Sometimes you go and do something you don't want to do because it is easier than living with the fact that you didn't do it.  

Go.  Give your kids hugs and have empathy for them.  And I can attest that it is about the kids.  And what you do or don't do stays with kids forever--no matter how old they are.  

[RetRN]

These are adult middle-aged men with families. I do not understand why they are calling your husband asking him to attend and calling four times is ridiculous. I hope your husband stands firm and does not attend.

Sounds like there are plenty of others exes to attend.

[NicksmomESQ]

Your husband has been divorced from her for 30 years.His sons are in their 40's, they need to respect their dad's decision.If they choose to attend,good for them. Your husband has a right to his feelings about his ex & they should be respected. She may have died but that doesn't negate his feelings about her, to which he's entitled. The sons need to grow up,period.

[Jacie]

Send flowers to acknowledge and stay home. The sons are grown and can deal with it. I have always said that weddings and funerals bring out the best and/or worst in people. There is no winning.

[Mindy D]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

it sounds to me like the sons want to make peace with their mother and maybe the family and that they would appreciate it if their dad showed up with them in support. i honestly dont see anything wrong with asking for this type of support. they are sad and want/need someone to lean on.

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@Trailrun23 I agree with most of what is said above, however, if your husband is not feeling well, then he should consider his health and tell the sons he does not feel well enough to attend with them. Your husband can provide support to his sons just by listening to any feelings they express to him. 

[reiki604]

Who doesn't support their child's needs regardless of age? He was asked and if at all possible, be there for his children and provide whatever support he can.

[beckyb1012]

I divorced my son's father in 1999 after 18 years of marriage.  It was a bad marriage and horrible first five years after the divorce with stalking ect....  I told my son a couple of years ago with his father in bad health and aging I would go with him when the time comes if he needs me to.  I still am extremely close and have contact with all my former in laws on almost a weekly basis so for me it would not be hardship and I would be welcomed. 

Now going to end of life bedside with my son I would have to think about, but not the funeral.

[occasionalrain]

Whatever the ex wife was or wasn't, did or didn't do, she gave the father his two sons.

My child is grown and married, but there is nothing they asked of me that I would not do for them.