Beauty

[stillbelleandme]

hi guys,

ugggh. i just had to come here and let off a little steam, as i cant sleep, and everyone else is, and i just cant get today out of my head.

today was my mil's b-day. ok, fine. so dh takes the day off work and we meet my sil, her kids, and her boyfriend at red lobster for lunch. ok. fine.

my fil has passed, and my grandparents, and i was under the impression that we were all just trying to hang together as a family in spite of our differences as best we could.

they dont approve of so many things dh and i think are good choices, and thats ok, but i thought we were all just agreeing to disagree, live and let live etc.

so enter THE DUDE, 4 years ago, preceeded by (a dude, my nephews' dad, a bad dude, AND NOW THE DUDE).

well THE DUDE, is rude. he wont speak to my daughter. that frustrates me right there. and i admit that i didnt like him pretty much when i heard the way he talked to the boys, and saw how mean he was to my sil's sweet dog. but people are different, and i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

rude dude will barely (and sometimes not) speak even when spoken nicely to. i dont know what his deal is. but one of my bff's upon meeting him at belle's birthday party jokingly smelled her armpits saying , "yeagh i wondered what was wrong with me the way he was looking at me". and she is totally unbiased, no back story.

oh my gosh, im boring myself just writing this, and there is so much i am not even saying.

anyhoo. to try to shorten things up, we were all muddling through lunch, having what i thought was an acceptable time. the dude even smiled for like seriously the first time at some joke. and while i have long since given up on him actually speaking to me, it was tolerable.

for some reason, though the place was empty, the food for 8 people took over an hour. and as time wore on my mil had to be wheeled to the bathroom. and i asked my sil, if she needed any help with the transfer. she said no. and i laughingly said, well if your not out in a little while , ill come in looking for you.

so naturally about 30 seconds to a minute later, i knock over my nephew's pop, and it goes all over the table. and the waiter asked if we could all scoot over so he could clean up.

so i thought while i was at it, i would go and check on my mil, and see if they made it on the pot (she is really really hard to transfer).

and i go into the bathroom, and my sil is practically screaming at my mil:

"he's in H@LL right now"

mil: what??

"he is in H@LL!"

mil: who??

sil: (dude's name)

mil: why?

sil: because he cant stand being around (my dh) and (me)

ok when i type it it doesnt seem so bad, seems sorta funny. but i cant even to express all the paralinguistics that went with it, or how, matter of fact it was, or how it smacked of 100's of conversations i hadnt been privy to.

we have a micro small family, and i thought my sil and i were on pretty stable and friendly ground. i didnt realize she didnt even like me. and furthermore why insist bringing the dude, all these times if he is so miserable?

anyway, i was shaking and that is always bad. so i walked outside. dh comes out, finds out why i am upset, and of course goes and tells her, then she comes out and says that it is because 'the dude's ears are sensitve because he was in the army'. (which implies that only dh and i are loud and remind him of war) and i told her that was bologna.

oh well, then she started crying, making a million rationalizaions, but never just spitting out the truth, but it was like 100 degrees out, and i just said, lets talk about it later and sucked it up and gave her a hug, and we went inside finished our meal which finally came. or by finished, i mean put it into go boxes.

what a puke fest. i wish i had never walked into the bathroom. and i know it doesnt sound like much. but sometimes you hear the truth in the smallest doeses, but you know what it means through and through.

so , oh well, i guess that lets us off the hook for christmas and thanksgiving right?? the only other times we ever infringe on his personal space. i dont want to put him through h@ll after all!!

i just feel bad and yucky and sad, i wasnt expecting anything like this.

and i thought the hardest part of the day was going to be to explain to belle why all the cupcakes were for grandma!!! (and her friends at the nursing home)

i cant go into why this all is so hurtful, without loads of tedious backstory, so suffice to say, my feelings are hurt and i know i will get over it, but it is just going to take a while. and my pride is hurt, because here i was like a total moron, thinking i was liked and that things werent so bad.

i hate feeling like an idiot!!

thanks for letting me rant/ramble

RANTAMBLE!!

belleandme