Hi girls. First let me say I have missed being here with all of you greatly. For reasons I will explain I have not been able to be here very much for awhile but I have tried {while at work} to keep an eye on the posts and keep up with everyone.
Before I begin I want to say that I'm not doing this as a "poor me" post or anything, I just feel the need to share what has been going on {at least somewhat} with me. All of you know I lost my wonderful Daddy on February 12th. While I thought dealing with this would be horrible enough, what has gone on with my family ever since then has been nothing short of H*E*L*L. The day daddy died my 19 year old niece moved in {temporarily} with me at my invitation. She had been living with her mother but there had been an argument and she threw her out of the house -- or so we were told at the time. Her mother -- my former sis-in-law -- lives 3 houses down from me and by no stretch of the imagination is a good mother. Well, on February 19th, the day we had my fathers' visitation service, things began. My niece unfortunately is a very troubled girl with addiction problems. That night after we got home from the service I discovered that the prescription nerve pills my doctor gave me was gone. The entire bottle. I had not taken a single one. Yes, she stole them from me. She admitted it and begged us to help her. We did our best -- got her into counseling {which she never went to} and even had her hospitalized for a week when she had a very serious crisis but things kept continuing on. Every day there were issues to deal with involving her. My father had a ring that my brother and I gave him years ago that he treasured and I wanted it. I discovered it missing. She stole it, along with quite a lot of my gold jewelry and sold it. We were able to recover all the items but since I refused to have her arrested {I couldn't bear the thought of having a 19 year old broken child be put into handcuffs} I had to pay to get the items back. After this I asked her if there was anyone she could stay with for a few days {both of her parents houses were out of the question} because I was near my breaking point. Every single day, instead of being able to try to deal with my grief, I was dealing with her. I was completely exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. The night I asked her if there was someone she could stay with she said she actually was wanting to try to stay with a friend and "get her head clear". She asked if she could go out for a few hours to see a friend and I said yes --we had given her a curfew time -- but she never came back. She ended up holing up in a very cheap motel for several days. During this time she had my cell phone as I had lent it to her since she didn't have one and when it became clear she had no intention of returning any time soon I told her to return my phone. This was last week. Last Thursday she came to my house while I was at work and left my phone but while she was here she stole a ring of mine and worst of all, a complete book of my checks. In a matter of 2 days she spent over a $1000.00 dollars at stores. I discovered this on Tuesday of this week when I looked at my account. I work at the financial institution where I have my account and the only way to get my money refunded was to press charges. So, I had no choice but to report her to the police. What will happen at this point with her I have no idea. For my own mental safety I can no longer worry about her. I am concerned for her and pray that she will at some point get the help she desperately needs but I can't involve myself any further. And yes, I have changed the locks on my house and she is aware that the police report has been filed.
As for me, I don't even know how to say I am. I took the 2 weeks off from work immediately after daddy died because I knew I would not be able to function and needed some time but every single moment was spent dealing with her instead of myself. I was not ready to go back to work when my sick leave time was up but was told "grief" was not a reason to be out for an extended period of time so I've had to soldier on the best I can. I've had several breakdowns at work because my nerves have been so bad. I'm so exhausted when I get home at night that tonight is the first time in 2 weeks that I've even turned on my computer. I'm having to deal with starting the probate proceedings to settle things for daddy. Unfortunately, the 20 acres of land that we have in the country never got transferred from daddy to me so my brother and I are now forced to sell it to pay his expenses. He had no life insurance . Financially things are rough for me because daddy lived with me and helped me with expenses and I no longer have that so I'm having to try to live very frugally. I will say now that I have reached an ending with all the emotional upheaval with my niece {whom I do still love} I do feel a weight has been lifted and am now trying to focus on myself. I haven't been able yet to even acknowledge that daddy is truly gone but I know I have to start facing things, as hard as it's going to be.
Please know that I am so grateful for all the love and support all of you here have given me and now that things {hopefully} will be calmer at home I truly do intend to try to be here more with all of you. Makeup buying for me now is pretty much a thing of the past except for absolute essentials so talk of any new stuff I won't be able to join in on much but I'm still going to be here and banter about when I can. I love you all and rely on you more than you'll know. Thank you all for being my shoulder
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