What to do about "supposed friend?" - Page 3

gizmogal · ‎05-09-2014

@Wsmom wrote:
...you should just laugh and say "girl, I am not your personal baker. I'll let you know when I have extra time to bake you a pie". As far as the cookies, easy peezy, just don't make them for her anymore.

Exactly this! Add the words : "I don't bake to order". What @Wsmom has really put so perfectly is the laugh and the simultaneous serious words. Return the supplies with the delivery of your resistance. I'd keep the tone light, even a momentary chuckle is fine, but my face very serious, looking her right in the eye. She will understand she has overstepped.

You keep your dignity and your enjoyment of baking and sharing on your terms, at your own desire. She may apologize, she may get defensive, she may say she was "joking"--she was not "really" giving you orders. Oh, she was only asking. Only supplying you so as not to get her pie for free!! See, but it isn't "her" pie--it's yours!

You don't have to answer to any of it. And, if she is not chastened by her misstep, she's off your list of sharing your creations with. You can maintain a friendship without gifts of your baking. If she seems to be aware of her intrusive expectations and is chagrined or sincere to make it right, and you enjoy the friendship, you can decide to offer a pie occasionally. Cookies: never again!

Another example of people with odd notions: I once mentioned to my neighbor that I enjoy ironing and don't mind it as a chore, it's kind of relaxing. One weekend she brought me 4 of her husband's shirts! She thought I would like some extra relaxation! I corrected her impression and sent her home with those wrinkled shirts. I remained polite to her and her family, living right next door, but I never took in a package, or watered plants, or moved her trash cans, etc, for her ever again.

It's not the same as baking skills, but it's an example of people who are tone deaf and mistake what you enjoy for yourself as an invitation for them to request or demand the same as a service to them. Not evil, but really out of line!

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

She has a lot of nerve! I would say that I'm glad you enjoyed the pie, but I really have to be in the mood to make them and lately I just haven't been. Then I would give back the apples & flour.

SurferWife · ‎12-12-2010

@Bubby Mommy

What tacky behavior your "friend" has! She should bring along some cash with those apples and perhaps ASK if you would be willing to bake a pie. It's amazing the arrogance of some people to expect others to do things for them on command.

I have a friend who is a baker. In fact she just brought us some coconut cupcakes, so the timing of this post is perfect! She knows how much I love desserts and she often has a little surprise she likes to drop off. I have asked her to bake for birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc., but I pay her when I ask her to bake something. I know what her going rate is for cakes & I gladly pay it; I never expect anything for free. Sometimes she won't accept money so I gift her a beauty gift, most often, which is worth more than her cake charge, but I don't care. She is a master at her craft and worth every penny.

Now, off to eat another coconut 🧁!

Time is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. It isn’t how long you live that matters; it is how well you are prepared to die. ~~Colonel Robert B. Thieme, Jr.

Frenchlop · ‎06-11-2021

@SurferWife I agree 100 percent. The friend should have offered to pay her. My wonderful neighbor will send over baked goods and I'll pick up stuff from the store she needs and give it to her.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

Boy, she's got big ones! No more baked gifts for her!

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

@GenXmuse wrote:
@Love my grandkids wrote:
@Glittergal If you read the other responses, you are the only one who thinks the apples and other stuff was a "thank you". NO way.

It was "here, make me some more pies as I consider you my personal pie shop."
That doesn't mean she's wrong. I was thinking the same thing myself. Why assume the worst of people?

@GenXmuse When people show you who they are, believe them.

I wouldn't waste another minute on the woman and I certainly wouldn't give her cooking lessons. She's not worthy of the OPs friendship.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

Etoile308 · ‎01-04-2014

@Bubby Mommy, you asked what you should do. I suggest you do nothing. If your friend's intentions were for you to bake her a pie, I suspect she'll get back to you questioning what happened. To me that would be the perfect opportunity to explain that you bake when the spirit moves you, which I sense is the truth, and you're just not feeling it.

And be prepared to hand her back the ingredients. I would also have your pie recipe available to give her. Perhaps suggesting it could be a bonding time with her daughter if they tried baking one together. (She may come to realize that baking, while a labor of love, can also be labor intensive.)

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

@Kachina624 wrote:

@GenXmuse wrote:
@Love my grandkids wrote:
@Glittergal If you read the other responses, you are the only one who thinks the apples and other stuff was a "thank you". NO way.

It was "here, make me some more pies as I consider you my personal pie shop."
That doesn't mean she's wrong. I was thinking the same thing myself. Why assume the worst of people?
@GenXmuse When people show you who they are, believe them.

I wouldn't waste another minute on the woman and I certainly wouldn't give her cooking lessons. She's not worthy of the OPs friendship.

I certainly wouldn't end a friendship over this until after I talked to her and see how things go. It could be she has no idea how her actions have affected her. I'm assuming since the word "friends" was in quotation marks, this may be more of a casual connection then jusf say, no and move on.

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@Glittergal wrote:
Here's another possibility. Your friend knows you bake at this time of year and to her it seems like it's something you love to do. She thought she was being kind by bringing you the ingredients you would need to thank you for all the times you gave her baked pies in the past. The critique about the sprinkles on the cookies was plain rude, however.

I agree with you @Glittergal. @Bubby Mommy - I think it's nice that she took the ingredients to you and that her daughter offered you a gift. If her daughter is 8, she's probably younger. Maybe you could ask her if she would like to learn to make them sometime.

I had a similar situation when my children were younger. Every Christmas I made full loaves of pumpkin-raisin bread for gifts for teachers, coaches, instructors, etc.

The head of the studio where DD danced, and later taught, raved about the bread. She was an 86-year old widow whose daughter was one of DD's instructors. The first time she told me how much she enjoyed it with cream cheese during the holidays. The third year I made blueberry soda bead instead. She was so disappointed and told me how much she missed the other bread. She asked me if I could make it for her. From then on I made her two loaves every year, one she would enjoy during the holidays and one she would freeze for later.

She was 86. I didn't mind. We kept it up until she died the summer after DD's freshman year in college.

I also gave the bread to DS' three male church youth group leaders. The second year one of them came to me and asked if I would use chocolate chips in his. So I did.

Maybe some would say they took advantage of me, but I honestly think some people don't think. I think your neighbor just doesn't realize she is taking advantage of you. I was happy to do what I did to put a smile on some faces.

But even I would draw the line at the criticism of your cookies!

Bubby Mommy · ‎03-10-2010

Hello Ladies,

I am done with her. Like many of you said, you can only be taken advantage of if you yourself allow it. You know, she once said to me that she has wonderful friends because of "all the things they can do for her." Some cook, some bake, some sew, and some are always available to watch her kids for her. She continued, that her husband has terrible friends because none of them have any particular talents and can do nothing for him. If that is how she measures a friendship, I don't want to be on her list of "friends." It's sad how some people think and act.