How Would You Deal With Situation? - Page 3

eadu4 · ‎06-14-2011

@patticakes I will be honest, I have mixed feelings on this. So this app can track how fast she is going when she is in a vehicle even if someone else is driving? Just wondering how you know he is speeding and how fast are you uncomfortable with? Assuming it's accurate (which even police radar can be off somewhat) just how much over the speed limit is he going? If you have to pass someone you have to speed up.

I understand you are worried about your daughter but it sounds like you don't trust her judgement. They are both adults. If you bring it up I can guarantee there will be a conversation between her and her BF on how you know how fast he's going. And if she has to tell him she has an app on her phone that allow her parents to track her I doubt that will go over very well.

On top of which I believe there will be a "trust" issue that then develops between everyone. See by default you are tracking everyone she is with. He will probably begin to wonder what other "apps" are on her phone. I don't see a happy ending to this. I'm sorry. I understand your fear and concern. There is a big scary world out there but unless your daughter has exhibited poor judgement in the past I don't see the need for this.

KathyM23 · ‎11-20-2010

Tracking your 19 year old daughter? I assume she has already graduated from high school and perhaps will be starting college this fall.

My goodness, if it were me being tracked I would be incensed. You said she reluctently agreed to this. Was it perhaps because you would get her a car if she agreed. What inducement did you use, it would have to be something for a 19 year old to agree to be tracked.

I cannot even imagine. Helicopter parentlng for sure.

But since you are tracking her and she knows it, I would tell her that the boyfriend is driving too fast for her safety. She should be the one discussing this with him, not you and she should be telling him to slow down, if he is speeding. If he does not listen to her, she should rethink her boyfriend choice. Wouldn't want one who ignores a reasonable request. Does not bode well for the future. That could be something you can discuss with her.

I am assuming he does not know about the tracking and that could be the end of that relationship.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

My opinion without mincing words...

Stop tracking your adult child. You raised her to set her free and stand on her own two feet. She knows if he's driving too fast and if she's dumb enough to put her life at risk in order to be with him, that's on her. He's obviously not valuing her enough to care about her safety. For your sake, I hope she wises up and tells him to knock it off or the relationship is over If not, the cops will eventually get their chance to intervene and he will suffer the consequences. I sincerely hope she doesn't have to pay the price for his arrogance and breaking the law in the process.

The other side of the coin is that maybe your daughter doesn't think he's driving too fast and this is only your problem. If the guy is ok otherwise, butt out. Take the tracking app off your phone, for Pete's sake, and stop spying.

FancyPhillyshopper · ‎05-02-2017

WOW! Is this the way some parents are today? Talk about micromanaging!

In my time, there were many guys I dated that my parents never met.

My parents had no idea how fast my boyfriends drove, or even how fast I drove!

Thank goodness apps, cell phones and tracking abilities did not exist, so I could enjoy my youth and my privacy.

By the way, I went off to Europe alone for many months when I was twenty--it took several weeks for letters to arrive, and the only way to call to the USA was to find a pay phone and feed in coins until the time ran out.

If the boyfriend gets a speeding ticket, maybe the pain in the wallet will make him more cautious much more than the girlfriend's mommy wringing her hands and monitoring his every move on the app.

nycalady · ‎02-16-2018

If the car is in her name & she's not living under your roof & you're not financially supporting her, there's not much recourse for you imo. If she still lives with you & you support her & the car is in your. name, you can set up some guidelines & discuss liability, insurance issues & consequences of speeding.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@nycalady wrote:
If the car is in her name & she's not living under your roof & you're not financially supporting her, there's not much recourse for you imo. If she still lives with you & you support her & the car is in your. name, you can set up some guidelines & discuss liability, insurance issues & consequences of speeding.

The boyfriend is driving his own car.

wifey2qt · ‎06-10-2015

What can you do? At 19..... not much. You can voice your concerns, that's about it

wifey2qt · ‎06-10-2015

@rms1954 - really ?

Quse · ‎09-05-2014

Never apologize for being a parent. Kudos to you. Too many parents want to be BFF's with their kids and then act shocked if a tragedy happens.

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about the boyfriend's driving, other than voice your concerns. Young people tend to drive too fast. Not an excuse, just an observation. I'm not sure how much over the speed limit he is, but if it's significant, you might want to have your daughter drive places, instead of the boyfriend. We did that with our kids, as their friends' driving wasn't up to our standards. Our kids grew up driving go-carts, dirt bikes and tractors. We also paid a private driving instructor just to be sure . He was amazed at how well they drove and told us kids that grow up driving are far better drivers. By the time they took their driver's exam, they had already racked up hours of situational driving.
Just be honest about the situation, that you're concerned for her and that you love her. If she gets mad, she gets mad, it's part of parenting.
If she lives at home, and isn't fully supporting herself, she isn't an adult. NineTEEN is a teenager.

LuvSoCal · ‎07-18-2010

@patticakes I don't blame you for being concerned. We all know speeding contributes to deadly accidents. Have an honest conversation with her. Yes, she's technically an adult but she's still your child.