Re: How Would You Deal With Situation?

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

@patticakes wrote:
My 19 year old daughter has a boyfriend who seems to be a nice guy and we like very much; however there's one problem and we don't know how to deal with it. He's 21 so not fully mature either, and he drives too fast. Considering that she finally relented, when started driving, to letting us put Life 360 on our phones; we don't want to aggravate her and cause a bigger issue; but, we can see when he's driving entirely too fast with her in his vehicle. How would you address the situation in a way to defuse a bad situation rather than aggravate her?

@patticakes You say boyfriend is nice and you and your husband like him. Have you thought of sitting down together with both your daughter and her boyriend and discussing your concerns over his driving and your concern for both him and her? I would try being upfront before sneaking behind your daughters back unless there have been ongoing trust issues.

RollTide2008 · ‎02-14-2017

My kids are 18 and 23. We all have Life360 on our phones. I don’t use it to track them or snoop on them. I use it for legitimate safety reasons, to see if they’re going to be on time if we’re meeting somewhere or if I know my younger son will need a ride. If you need an electronic leash on your almost grown child, you have bigger problems than how fast her boyfriend drives.

Trailrun23 · ‎05-31-2022

If you like her boyfriend very much, just remind him when he picks her up to drive carefully and be safe. Maybe if he hears it enough it will sink in. I would either disable or remove the Life 360 app. She is old enough to not be tracked by her parents. I would be more concerned that there is no drinking involved. I would mention that as tactfully as possible. You don't want to slam the door on your good relationship with her or her boyfriend.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

'Gee', this is a tough one.......

I'd probably mention seeing speeding cars driven by late teens/young men with their girlfriends around town, and say something like:

'Gee, I hope your boyfriend (his name) drives carefully when you are in his car. If he speeds up, make sure you ask him to

slow down'.........

Also, add in:

'It's a sign of respect to those girls and maturity to not speed around town or anywhere. Too much danger which can end up a life of physical misery and even death."

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Posh Poodle · ‎06-27-2011

@patticakesI can suggest exactly what to do! It's a bit unconventional.

Recalling an incident distinctly, I was on a date with very nice guy at the exact same age as your daughter. He was 23 at the time.

When I got home, my mother was not happy. She said I just got a phone call saying "she saw you 2 at the mall and blah blah blah blah."

I immediately demanded who called with the big mouth tattling on our goings on.

I will NOT repeat the "blah blah blah blah" part because it's nobody's business on this forum. It was gossip anyways.

My mother refused to name WHO it was.

So my point is this: do the same with your daughter. It worked for me. Next time she is at the house, tell her "so and so [insert name here] called VERY concerned about seeing your boyfriend driving his car speeding down this particular road or interstate at a very fast rate. [Gertrude] reported it worried her and called me out of worry for your safety." Don't name anybody you actually know. Keep that person anonymous. If they ask who it is, say it is confidential or they wish to not be identified.

Your daughter might be upset, but such is life. I was upset, but I got over it.

That nice guy I dated has been my husband for many happy years. I choose wisely. And he didn't have a lead foot!!

katie1859 · ‎06-25-2022

I raised 5 kids alone. 3 daughters. Here's the deal. She lives under your roof but at 19 she's an adult. At 18 the rules changed. Adulthood means choices and responsibility. Her own. Who says he drives too fast? So you either have that observed conservation next time he comes calling or you hold your mouth. You're not in the car. You can't be her umbrella her entire life. If she's going in the car, and not getting whiplash or car sickness then it's her choice.
I learned a long time ago that all 5 would one day be adults.
It wasn't a surprise so hands up, mouth shut, and let them adult. Otherwise, we have a generation of 20 somethings being catered to by Mom and Dad. That to me is a tearjerker.

GoneButNotForgotten · ‎03-29-2020

My mother tried that--attempted to control me and keep me under her thumb. All that got her was that I refused to speak to her for the last 5 years of her life.

I decided I'd had enough of her, and for those last 5 years it was like a heavy weight had been lifted off me. And I wasn't the last bit sorry when she died and I finally got her malign influence out of my life permanently.