Mom to Mom

[Sooner]

Edited to add:  I am posting this after reading my thread about families.  It is hard so often.  And so oftenwe have to swallow what we would like for those we love.  Following is simply an observation from my life. NOT directed toward the OP here.

I will say sometimes it is difficult for a mother, especially one with a close relationship with a son, to see the wife come first.  And yes, often one family does more, gets together more, etc than the other one.  

And I will say that I have seen a number of cases when the marriage failed over this issue.  And I'll ask the question:  What would it be worth to see this woman gone from your son's life?  Would he be happier?  Would you be happier?

Because I can say there is a good chance of this happening when this kind of conflict.  Like her or not, when she is married to your son, your son's happiness may not coincide with your own.  

I am not saying this about this poster and family.  I don't know them.  I just know a couple families and this is how it played out.  One marriage lasted 6 months because his mother was unhappy, one a little longer.  In my extended family.

Not saying anything here and declaring right or wrong. Just giving personal experience.

[occasionalrain]

Mother's of sons sometimes feel replaced when their son marries, especially if they are a single parent.

In this case, the wife has been disrespectful to her husband's family and, in turn, has disrespected her husband. She has treated his mother like unpaid hired help. Being banished to the kitchen was outrageous. That his family accepted it, unbelievable.

[Hoovermom]

@Coastalcarolina :  I am just reading this saga and cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing with your DIL and also DS.  I think I would choose not to go to any events they invite you to until there is a change in her behavior.  Don't know the whole situation but I do know that DIL's can be jealous of relationships with DS and DM.  Maybe she will wise up and grow up.  I'm sorry and wonder how your Christmas was.  

[Coastalcarolina]

@Hoovermom , thank you for thinking of me, so kind!  

This year has been a learning experience for sure, and I am happy to report that since the baby was born (he is six months old now), things have been so much better!

 I have seen a maturing in my DIL now that she is a mom.  I believe there is no better teacher than life itself, in that you start to see things from a different perspective.  I believe she has experienced this now and sees that moms of sons love them deeply and just want to be part of their lives.  

Our Christmas was great, and I hope yours was as well!

[hkrgrl]

OP:  just reading this long thread now and i am happy that things are going so much better!!  good for you, your son and DIL.    you are wished all good things!!

Enjoy your grandchild to the fullest!!