funeral arrangements

dotdddd · ‎09-08-2011

my 93yo adv. alz. mother lives w/me,She has 5 older children, most living within walking distance, don't even visit,some for years. I pre arranged her funeral,not the most expensive nor the least,$9800. for hour viewing then cemetery. my problem is. I'm not sure who will show up for the service,she's the last of her family,no friends, and I've been told some of my sibs. may not. I can have a graveside service for$3500. less,BUT I feel really guilty about it. Any suggestions??

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

ABSOLUtELY do not feel guilty! We had a graveside for my grandmother for the reasons you note and it was lovely and appropriate. I've been thinking about the same thing myself. My mom is the last of her family and her generation of friends. I don't see a point in doing otherwise. Also, I don't want to deal with other people anyway, so even that may be not announced.

I have come to the conclusion that a funeral is mostly a get together for the living and I don't think you are necessarily obligated to provide that. A short memorial service is all that is really necessary and more can sometimes be uncomfortable for many.

Snicks1 · ‎07-28-2012

Graveside services are entirely appropriate, it seems to me. I have been to several of these services in the past few years and they were lovely.

"To each their own, in all things".

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

I would also go with the graveside service.

We did that for my aunt. She died unexpectedly in her sleep at age 76. but she had pre-planned everything.

She had told me she wanted to be buried in a nightgown and robe she had bought for the occasion. She had them stored in a place where I could find them, with the tags still on them. She didn't want notice in the paper either and no Mass. So we did as she wanted, her BIL lead prayers and it was just those closest to her.

That's what I want too...quiet and private.

You are honoring your mother by caring for her while she is alive and needs you. That is way more important than any ceremony after she is gone.

tulips · ‎03-10-2010

I am so proud of you for taking your responsibility as a daughter seriously. Your mom is very fortunate to have you by her side. This is something you'll never regret as I speak from a similar experience.

Under the circumstances, I would plan a graveside service. I did that for my Dad & my sister never even came. Someone read a poem that he loved & the minister read the scriptures that I know he treasured. The only thing missing was a hymn or 2 that I wished I would have arranged to have played.

Again, I give you so much credit & hope that can take time for yourself.

hsawaknow · ‎03-15-2011

A graveside service- we had that with my Dad and it was very nice and appropriate being he served in the Korean war and they did the 21 gun salute. He is buried in Golden Gate Cemetery in S. San Francisco next to my Mom and it is a military cemetery.

Sleep sweet Bo 3/19/08 8/4/18

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

A cemetery service is nice. When my father passed, that's what my mother chose.

ilovedaisies · ‎07-20-2010

I would plan a graveside service and not worry about it at all. A prayer can be said, a song can be sung, a eulogy can be said and then you could host a small gathering back at home. It will be a nice service. Most who live to her age, unless they are close to their grandchildren and great-grands, will not draw much of a crowd. Don't put yourself through a long service.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

I just did the same for my Mother. We had pre-planned the funeral before (which was the best thing we did) The graveside service can be just as meaningful as any other. Given that you are planning now you can decide the content of the service.

Please do not have any guilt over spending less. I know I wouldn't want my children to feel that way.