Wellness

[dotdddd]

brief history...93y.o. mom died while away....I haven't posted much, while I have sincere feelings for all the posts, I just can't handle the lone negitive one right now.It has been 3 months today since mom died and I still have deep grief.As one Dr.put it I simply have a broken heart. As for my sibs, which I had a problem with, I have found peace with all that anger, I realize that my mom missed them,but they were the ones that lost by not seeing her. I still regret the impatience I has w/her, I now know how much she needed me and what I gave her in return even tho it was never perfect. Thanks!

[Gayle2]

I am sorry for your loss! Be kind to yourself and know that we are thinking about you.

[aprilmom]

my mom passed away on march 31 at the age of 89, 3 weeks before her 90th birthday. i miss her terribly and also think that i could have done more, said more, been more attentive, all of those things,,the guilt is what is the most difficult to deal with. i keep needing to reassure myself that i was the best i could be and my mom always knew that i loved her. as much as you can prepare yourself, you are never ready for this. everyone grieves in their own way, i have 3 sibs and each of us is handling this in our own manner...and that is ok...we are all different. try to be gentle with yourself....none of us is perfect....we just try our best. be well

[hckynut]

I added to your original post on the loss of your mother. There really is not anything more I could add that might help you dealing with such terrible grief. I will say 1 thing I "did not do" and that was keep track of "day of week/week of month or any type of numeric way of time, since"!

My mother died on a special day of the year Valentines Day, so it is one that is hard not to know when it comes around. I've told the story of how her mother and her father died on Valentines Day also and each was exactly 13 years apart.

We married on Valentines Day for a purpose and that was to give this particular day of the year a happy memory for myself and my family.

Do what you think might help you. I have and was into exercise and fitness during the worst of times after my mothers death and that did help me. Also drank way too much for a few years and that did nothing but possibly exacerbate an already deep gried.

Sorry for everyone that losses a close family member that they loved and also saw as their best friend. Very few humans leave this earth without having to suffer the loss of someone they saw as the most important person in their lives, and for some, their main reason for wanting to live and exist.

Thoughts go with you.

[Tissyanne]

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient with yourself, and hopefully you can come to realize that your mom is in heaven, if you believe. She lives on, in a beautiful place now free of all the pain of this world. You will see her again someday.

[Bird mama]

Dotddd - please be patient with yourself. The first 4 seasons are going to be the hardest. There will be things each season that remind you of your Mom and the grief will surge. I know from experience that when I felt down sad, I'd try to do something positive or life affirming. I'm talking about basic things - like watering the grass or flowers, buying dog food for my dog. I understand the guilt about being impatient with a sick loved one. That will take a bit longer but I promise you it will get better. Perhaps you can do things in her name? For example - say you want to donate used books to a library or something. You can tell her (I believe they can hear us even when they are in heaven) that I'm doing this because you loved to read mom. It can be the simplest things that help you through the grief.

[qualitygal]

dot, there are 5 stages of loss it is said that we go through. You may want to research that to help you through this time. Believe me, everyone grieves in different ways and who knows for how long. If you do get worried about it, there probably are people you can talk with to help you through it. It's not easy, so go easy on yourself.

[adoreqvc]

Dear dotdddd,

I am re-posting this on this thread now so you will see it, as I feel it may be of valuable help to you, during this very difficult time.

Of course you have a broken heart......all children suffer when they lose loving caring parents.

Please I hope you will read the information below, and it will help you secure a better understanding of what the grief journey entails, what to expect, and what feelings are perfectly normal. I know you will be enlightened and feel much comfort reading what we all experienced. Hope never dies it is alive, and there is purpose for everything, please keep that in mind. Soon the burden will become a bit lighter to bare and understanding will play a role towards your healing which will slowly occur.

As stated before I am now the sole survivor of my clan, and know from personal multiple grief journeys exactly what sorrows are felt, and what the grief journeys actually entail.

Meanwhile I am at home for a short while before going abroad again, and would be more than happy to reply if you would like to reply here, or on the Health & Fitness thread I created earlier today to help others who also are experiencing grief and their own grief journeys.

Dot this is from the thread I posted earlier today....

Delayed Grief Information..... New Thread For anyone who wishes to learn and receive support.

Posted by adoreqvc 06/04/2014 at 8:04 AM

adoreqvc4856 PostsJoined 10/6/2004

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For many reasons I have just decided to start a very much needed delayed grief thread since the original thread posted by Ravgirl is still available to read and offers a wealth of hope, compassion, caring, and understanding relative to the grief journey, but now I see that the comment period was closed.

In view of that I am now posting another delayed grief thread for those who may feel the need to find a shoulder to give them support, and also better understanding the 5 steps of the grief journey they will encounter.

For anyone who is already grieving or just entering their own grief journey please find the delayed grief thread by Ravgirl, as it will bring you comfort, hope, and a better understanding of what grief entails.

Locating it is easy:

On the top left side of this page there is a search bar. In the search area click on the drop down arrow and choose the word All Community. In the next empty area beneath that type in the words delayed grief.

That will bring you to the original delayed grief thread Ravgirl posted under Health and fitness, and many of us have outlined very specific information about our personal grief losses relative to our own grief journeys, as well as our experiences, and hopes, in addition to what the 5 steps of the grief journey entail.

The delayed grief thread has helped me, and I can only pray my interactions and contributions, as well as that of others, and of Ravgirl's thread in general, will still be available to continue to help those who are in need and grieve even though the commenting period for that thread is now closed.

No grief journey should be solo......there should be support and shoulders to lean on along the way from kind compassionate people who care, and have experienced the same grief journeys, in their travels in life.

Even though QVC decided to close the commenting period for this delayed grief thread...... all the information is still available to be read......which will indeed answer many unanswered questions.

It will also give hope where it seems hope is now forever lost to those who are grieving. I do believe it will help anyone who has lost someone in their life, and now embarks or has embarked on their own grief journeys.

I also pray Ravegirl is well and also hope that she may decide she can return to the bb's as I recently did, but until then I pray she finds love and understanding as she walks God's path of earthly life....may we all find it.........and with that I enclose my Blessings and pray God holds us all in the palm of his protective hands, and blesses every step we take along our own individual grief journeys and earthly paths in life.

Please help each other who may need your compassion and input, and please remember even though I recently got engaged and we travel extensively abroad, we do return periodically and each time I return I will post again. I also post on the kitchen bb and usually post my continued recipes when I come home for a short time between trips abroad.

Until I again return please do take care of each other and remember all we have in our earthly lives is each other.

What we take with us to eternity is our love for others, our memories, and all of the acts of earthly kindness, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness, relative to all the good deeds we have performed for other Human Beings here on Earth.

From what I have read all these acts will eventually indeed be accounted for, and most definitely judged and remembered.

My first post now is for my dear QVC pal Jules5280 who lost her dear Dad a while ago.

My dear friend I pray God grants you the wisdom to understand the reasons for your grief journey, and know that hope for redemption and reunion awaits us all.

May you find inner peace, strength, and understanding during this very difficult time in your own grief journey.

Also Jules please do remember you are loved by many, and please never forget that my friend.

May God also hold you in his protective healing hands and enable you to accept what you cannot change, and receive the endurance and inner peace of mind and strength to forge ahead.

Jules please remember that your Dad has now received his blessing and eternal life where pain no longer exists and your Dad is proud of all of your earthly accomplishments.

Please Jules do remember that even when the grief clouds dull your senses.....inner peace and acceptance with understanding will eventually appear, and your earthly footsteps will lighten, and your load will not be as heavy to bear as it is now my dear friend......God Bless You Always dear Jules!

[MoJoV]

I'm sorry about the loss of your,Mother. Mine has been gone for 17 years and I miss her every single day. Like you, I have regrets about my impatience with her and the things I could have done and didn't. I try to just satisfy myself knowing that she loved me completely and I her. I hope you find peace soon.

[chrystaltree]

My deepest sympathies. Of course, you have broken heart. You lost your mother, there is no pain like losing our mothers. It's ONLY been three months, your loss is still new. No doubt everything you do, everything you see, every place you go to reminds you of her. That's natural. I lost my mom 10 years ago and still think about her every day. To this day, I reach for the phone to tell her something funny or to ask her a question. Trust me, it does get better. But it takes time and you cannot rush the grief process. Just be good to yourself and take it day by day.