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07-13-2015 11:08 AM
07-13-2015 02:48 PM
Maryanne,
First, how is your pond coming along? Just had to ask.
***
I totally agree with house_cat. Am very embarrassed to say that over the weekend when we were out-of-state for a wedding, my husband became very, very inebriated and we had to leave the wedding early, with me dragging him to the car. I cannot tell you what it's like to be married to an alcoholic...
***
Back to your situation. You know what I'd do? I'd take a good look at the % of drunk members versus total number there, the object being to get a handle on how many members of this social club simply go to functions to imbibe. If, in your thinking, this number is too high, I wouldn't hesitate to approach the Board of Directors with a letter of concern; or, you could ask to be given a few minutes time at a monthly board meeting. The BOD needs to know that you and/or other members and being accosted by members who should have been escorted out of the club. Frankly, if someone lays hands on you without your permission, it's considered "assault." Just sayin.'
And, I agree with others that a practical move on your part to tastefully arrange your beautiful hair off of your shoulders and up would probably be a wise move at this time.
Good luck!
07-13-2015 06:06 PM
Sfnative, you don't have to tell me what it's like to be married to an alcoholic. I am married to one. Fortunately, he saw the light and went for treatment 7 years ago. For many years, no one knew. He never missed work or his responsibilities as a husband and dad. However, I could never, ever enjoy a party, worrying and watch dogging so we wouldn't have a scene. It's an awful way to live.
Now that he is sober, he doesn't like to be around drinkers, either. It's not that he's afraid he'll fall of the wagon. Instead, he thinks they are obnoxious and he's right, they are.
I know that I am biased for having lived so long with this family situation. I never learned to drink, if for no other reason than that I was always the designated driver.
There seem to be people who can enjoy an occasional cocktail, but honestly, I know way too many who are alcoholics and won't admit it. I choose not to spend time with them. Sometimes there are parties that we are obligated to attend. We've learned to leave before everyone is drunk.
In my opinion, if the people you are with can tell you've been drinking, then you've been drinking too much.
I'll step off my soapbox now.
07-13-2015 06:55 PM
many years ago i had a BF who i felt drank too much. since it bothered me and he did nothing about it, i went to an al anon meeting.
they said to me if his drinkinhg bothers ME, then his drinking is a problem.
so if their drinking bothers you. listen to your heart. you can't change theri behavior, only your own.
07-14-2015 08:53 AM
There is a casual attitude about drinking in some circles that I think is sad and asking for trouble.
If you can't have a good time and enjoy yourself without getting loaded, something is wrong.
Personally, I like to be in control of myself.
07-14-2015 01:17 PM - edited 07-14-2015 02:40 PM
Sfnative, thanks for inquiring about our pond! Yes we are getting ready to start moving things around in anticipation of our big project. I hope my koi are as excited as we are! Did you find a new home?
Thank you all for you open honest answers. I grew up with a bully alcoholic for a father. He only beat me . only liked to abuse woman.I was very glad when he passed, unfortunately I have a older brother who is an alcoholic as well. My mother will turn him on me for reasons unknown. Yesterday she gave him my phone number after I have changed it 2 times before. He threatens to kill me shoot me. I spent yesterday upset because of this .he only stopped because my husband called them both and threatened police. He was the first person that ever protected me from this. I hate drinkers don't feel sorry for them they hurt everyone around them and walk away unharmed. These woman that drink like this go through the usual drunk steps happy crying and by the end of the evening blaming everyone else for their behavior. Do you know I have been ashamed of being an alcoholics child an abused. child until the past few years .never even told my husband till recently been married 23 years. Not my shame anymore! Maybe this is why I find this drinking thing with woman so repulsive... I thank God everyday for my wonderful husband .he would never destroy our family or abuse me the way it has been in the past. He is a true Gentleman...Maryanne
07-15-2015 01:54 PM
@keeper of the koi wrote:Sfnative, thanks for inquiring about our pond! Yes we are getting ready to start moving things around in anticipation of our big project. I hope my koi are as excited as we are! Did you find a new home?
Thank you all for you open honest answers. I grew up with a bully alcoholic for a father. He only beat me . only liked to abuse woman.I was very glad when he passed, unfortunately I have a older brother who is an alcoholic as well. My mother will turn him on me for reasons unknown. Yesterday she gave him my phone number after I have changed it 2 times before. He threatens to kill me shoot me. I spent yesterday upset because of this .he only stopped because my husband called them both and threatened police. He was the first person that ever protected me from this. I hate drinkers don't feel sorry for them they hurt everyone around them and walk away unharmed. These woman that drink like this go through the usual drunk steps happy crying and by the end of the evening blaming everyone else for their behavior. Do you know I have been ashamed of being an alcoholics child an abused. child until the past few years .never even told my husband till recently been married 23 years. Not my shame anymore! Maybe this is why I find this drinking thing with woman so repulsive... I thank God everyday for my wonderful husband .he would never destroy our family or abuse me the way it has been in the past. He is a true Gentleman...Maryanne
The part of your post that I underlined is the only thing I disagree with. They do not walk away unharmed, not in the long run. I have known many alcoholics who have paid the price, ruining their own lives, certainly their health.
My beloved sister died unnecessarily from 60 years of smoking and at least a six-pack (very often more) of beer every day. She lived with me for almost four years. I had to watch her slowly killing herself. She got colon cancer first, which metastasized to lung cancer in both lungs, huge stage four tumors. She knew too, but would never admit it. She would buy her habits instead of her meds. She would lie and say she went to the doctor, when she did not. There were a lot of personality changes too.
My sister was a strong, healthy, very beautiful woman who I know would not only still be here, but would have outlived me by many years. Neither of my parents nor my brothers, and certainly not me (alcohol and cigarettes make me sick) had this "illness" if one wants to call it that.
The other alcoholics I know destroyed others' lives, as you said, but they have all paid in other ways, one with his health, the rest with losing their families, children, and friends.
I was very happy to read that you have a wonderful husband who protects you from your dysfunctional family.
07-15-2015 03:09 PM
Now with Facebook.....some women like to post pictues/selfies of themselves and their friends at bars "four sheets to the wind" and are proud of it. 60 yrs old and stil partying like that is something to be proud of........in the meantime the rest of us post pictures of our families and grandchildren
07-15-2015 04:46 PM
Believe it or not, we had several teachers in my district get disciplined for doing this. One was an assistant principal. You would think they would know better.
07-15-2015 05:39 PM
You are right on.onelady at our club brings her 2 late 20 something daughters to events. They show up drunk with her! She is a kindergarten teacher,her husband works for the railroad.They show up drunk before the event . get a friend to drive them to and from. They complain enslessly to any one that their daughters still live at home with boyfriends and steal from them ,swim all day going out all night. Nice example example how embarrassing! They only hang with other drunks until they wonder to the bathroom and feel the need to spread"their love around"! Sorry if it offends drunk is a choice if you makes yourself Ill so be it.no right to ruin others lives .ruinchildrens childhoods. We all choose our path.reck your own life not mine!Maryanne
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