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Super Contributor
Posts: 413
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia


@151949 wrote:

I go into the bathroom to clean and find both toothbrushes are exactly the same and both are green. I ask DH how we come to both have the exact same toothbrush and he said he got them from the dentist yesterday. I sigh. I throw them both in the trash and go to the drugstore and buy 2 identical toothbrushes only one is pink and one is blue. When i come home I explain to him that his new toothbrush is blue and he should always use the BLUE toothbrush. He wants the green one from the dentist. I explain that I could not tell them apart so I had to throw them away and buy the new ones, and his is blue.He says he wants the same exact one as me - I show him that they are exactly the same except the color so we can tell which one is which. He is still not satisfied. We had to drive all the way to the dentist ofice to get new ones from there - his is green and mine is pink , but I decided to be safe I put mine in a case and in a drawer instead of the holder in the BR. When he is having good days - most of the time - no problems at all but when he isn't - oh my - it is really a challenge.


As a retired nurse, I am surprised that this was such a big deal for you. Let him have his toothbrush and put yours somewhere else. In the Grand scheme of things this is a very small issue as far a dementia goes.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,600
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

[ Edited ]

My very best to both of you.  People on this board have been so kind to me during times of stress, I offer to you the same.

 

I deleted the rest of my reply  as I perhaps didn't truly understand the purpose of your opening post.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 530
Registered: ‎06-06-2016

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

I have worked with the disabled for many years.  The mind is a wonder and this person is locked in it one day this small issue will bring tears to your heart.  The illness is a sad one, laugh and cry life is short and the tooth brush is shorter.

I have been taken care of an abused woman for a month. Someone took a baseball bat to her mouth that is right.. no teeth, selfesteem.  We will take your small problem. My new friend is now eating it is liquid/ground food and Ensure.  I have not had a family member step forward! What has the world come to?  This forum helped me and I want to thank everyone.  I was able to get her on disability and so much more.  

It began with a help recipe question.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia


@1jenniferjuniper wrote:

@151949 wrote:

I go into the bathroom to clean and find both toothbrushes are exactly the same and both are green. I ask DH how we come to both have the exact same toothbrush and he said he got them from the dentist yesterday. I sigh. I throw them both in the trash and go to the drugstore and buy 2 identical toothbrushes only one is pink and one is blue. When i come home I explain to him that his new toothbrush is blue and he should always use the BLUE toothbrush. He wants the green one from the dentist. I explain that I could not tell them apart so I had to throw them away and buy the new ones, and his is blue.He says he wants the same exact one as me - I show him that they are exactly the same except the color so we can tell which one is which. He is still not satisfied. We had to drive all the way to the dentist ofice to get new ones from there - his is green and mine is pink , but I decided to be safe I put mine in a case and in a drawer instead of the holder in the BR. When he is having good days - most of the time - no problems at all but when he isn't - oh my - it is really a challenge.


As a retired nurse, I am surprised that this was such a big deal for you. Let him have his toothbrush and put yours somewhere else. In the Grand scheme of things this is a very small issue as far a dementia goes.


I think you completely missed what she was attempting to share.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 530
Registered: ‎06-06-2016

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

[ Edited ]

I also have to help with 2 family members w/ Cancers and 1 member in the final stage of Dementia.  My hands are full.  I lost one of my uncles to cancer a few months ago.  Is life fair?  Smiley Sad

Contributor
Posts: 73
Registered: ‎06-02-2015

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia


@willdob3 wrote:

@1jenniferjuniper wrote:

@151949 wrote:

I go into the bathroom to clean and find both toothbrushes are exactly the same and both are green. I ask DH how we come to both have the exact same toothbrush and he said he got them from the dentist yesterday. I sigh. I throw them both in the trash and go to the drugstore and buy 2 identical toothbrushes only one is pink and one is blue. When i come home I explain to him that his new toothbrush is blue and he should always use the BLUE toothbrush. He wants the green one from the dentist. I explain that I could not tell them apart so I had to throw them away and buy the new ones, and his is blue.He says he wants the same exact one as me - I show him that they are exactly the same except the color so we can tell which one is which. He is still not satisfied. We had to drive all the way to the dentist ofice to get new ones from there - his is green and mine is pink , but I decided to be safe I put mine in a case and in a drawer instead of the holder in the BR. When he is having good days - most of the time - no problems at all but when he isn't - oh my - it is really a challenge.


As a retired nurse, I am surprised that this was such a big deal for you. Let him have his toothbrush and put yours somewhere else. In the Grand scheme of things this is a very small issue as far a dementia goes.


I think you completely missed what she was attempting to share.


 

I totally agree. She needed to share and get some hugs, it was not about a toothbrush, not really.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,415
Registered: ‎11-25-2011

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

[ Edited ]

OP...just be patient w/ him.

I totally understand.

Today, when I visit my more for 4-5 days, every time I see her she asks the same questions:

"When did you get here?"

"What's the weather like outside?"

Over & over & over & over.

I can leave her room, come back 5 minutes later.....same questions.

At first, I can't lie, I would get upset with her.  I cringe now how I was sharp with my words several years ago, but today...I see it as endearing.  I know my mom will never be "Mom" again, but it was a transition. She's someone different, but I still love her.  My advice is to love on him as much as you can & give in to the Small Battles. 💛

 

@willdob3

Your post makes me smile!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia


@sidsmom wrote:

OP...just be patient w/ him.

I totally understand.

Today, when I visit my more for 4-5 days, every time I see her she asks the same questions:

"When did you get here?"

"What's the weather like outside?"

Over & over & over & over.

I can leave her room, come back 5 minutes later.....same questions.

At first, I can't lie, I would get upset with her.  I cringe now how I was sharp with my words several years ago, but today...I see it as endearing.  I know my mom will never be "Mom" again, but it was a transition. She's someone different, but I still love her.  My advice is to love on him as much as you can & give in to the Small Battles. 💛


 

Ths is similar to conversations I have with my mom every day. She repeats the same questions repeatedly in the same conversation. She has no clue she is repeating herself & there is no point in telling her because the memory is not there. She won't suddenly remember what we discussed already. It is l difficult. But there are still days that are better. 

 

She talks about wanting the car so she can run some errands. I just agree and say we will arrange it. She is never going to drive again but there is no point in arguing with her about it. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 530
Registered: ‎06-06-2016

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

A network, family and friends is so important with the wellness for both patient and caregiver. Heart

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia


@63Chev63 wrote:

A network, family and friends is so important with the wellness for both patient and caregiver. Heart


I agree. I recently had a long conversation with someone from Alzheimer's Ass. and they emailed me a list of local support groups. I'm going to start attending some. I need to do it for myself and for my mom.