Want to see my friend but...... - Page 2

susan kay · ‎06-28-2011

Wow. Sounds as if her husband is a real gem....it's MY house, and I'll smoke if I want, even if my wife has asthma and is very ill. AAAHHHH. Guess he doesn't care and doesn't understand what smoke can do to someone. You have a few good suggestions here (as well as the smart____ comments). Skyping sounds like a good idea, as well as visiting her on her porch/patio, if weather permits. Not sure where you live, but the midwest is expecting 70 degree temps next week!! It sounds as if she is so ill that she can't physically go far so driving and picking her up might not be an option.

Worse case scenario is you talk with her on the phone frequently until the weather permits an outside visit. Since you also, have asthma, I wouldn't go inside her home. By the way, it sounds as if she has a very good friend in you.

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@aggravated wrote:
Well, I smoke inside my house too. It's MY HOUSE. Don't go to her house.

Likewise, don't come to my house and complain when you knew it all along. Smoking is not allowed more places than it is at present. It's still my house.

@aggravated Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your lungs and nasal passages burn and close up so tightly that you can't breath? That's what it's like for a person with asthma when they are exposed to heavy smoke. I am one of those people. I hope you will never have to experience that.

Laura loves cats!

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

@silkyk wrote:
You might want to head on over to Amazon or wherever and check out a travel air purifier for smokers. Just take it along with you, plug that baby in and clean air while you are visiting. Your friend might have it help her so much she might want one too!

Those don't work like that. It would take hours to clean the air in a small room, so she'd need to plug it in hours before the visit. And they don't get rid of the smell. I have allergies and asthma and if someone smokes outside the office and then comes inside and sits or stands next to me, even that triggers an atttack.

Honestly, if this woman has health issues and asthma AND her husband smokes, she's in a very bad situation. I'd even call it abusive, since he is obviously putting his own desires and addiction above her health and putting her at risk. Nearly 20 years ago I dated a smoker for a a few months and I had either a sinus infection or bronchitis almost the whole time. We broke up and it was a year before I had another sinus infection. He was literally making me sick. I haven't dated a smoker since.

I have some friends who smoke and I meet them for lunch sometimes, but when my asthma is already flared up because of pollen and allergies, I can't even meet them for lunch because the smell makes me sick.

I'd recommend visits outside on a patio. If that's not possible, then I think the person who recommened Skype/FaceTime visits had an excellent idea there.

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Karnerblue · ‎03-18-2015

What have you done up until now?

"Never water yourself down just because someone can't handle you 100% proof."

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
Do you honestly think you're going to get lung cancer from second or third hand smoke after visiting your friend for a couple of hours?

Really, go see your friend. If you can't be around the smoke, wait until the weather is nice so you and your friend can sit outside.

While that's the headline, she also stated that she has asthma and allergies. For someone with asthma, smoke is a serious issue. It could cause sinus infections, bronchitis, and even send an asthmatic to the ER. And that can happen with minutes or hours of exposure. I figure that's a more serious risk than lung cancer.

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Mmsfoxxie · ‎06-19-2010

Is your friend able to walk? If so, arrange to pick her up and take her to a restaurant. She probably needs to get out of the house.

Poor lady, to have such an inconsiderate husband.

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to be happy”. (By Nightbirde, singer of the song, It’s Ok)

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@ChynnaBlue wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
Do you honestly think you're going to get lung cancer from second or third hand smoke after visiting your friend for a couple of hours?

Really, go see your friend. If you can't be around the smoke, wait until the weather is nice so you and your friend can sit outside.

While that's the headline, she also stated that she has asthma and allergies. For someone with asthma, smoke is a serious issue. It could cause sinus infections, bronchitis, and even send an asthmatic to the ER. And that can happen with minutes or hours of exposure. I figure that's a more serious risk than lung cancer.

@ChynnaBlue apparently you didn't read the last part of my comment.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

This is my honest opinion, absolutely no rudeness or snarkiness intended---just stating my personal opinion, and why I feel this way.

If you were my friend, and I knew you were so concerned about visiting me because of the reasons you stated, and the fact you solicited advice on a message board, I would want you to stay home.

I hate cigarette smoke, and do everything possible to avoid being around it. My husband has smoked for over 50 years, but does not smoke inside our home, or my vehicle. My mother has smoked for more than 70 years, and her house reeks of stale smoke. After every visit with mom in her home, I come back to my house to shower, and wash my clothes immediately. I understand your point, as I live with the same situation, but I will not stop visiting my mom.

Everyone who knows my mother, knows she smokes like a chimney. She chooses to smoke; has no intention to quit, but leaves the choice of whether you want to visit her, up to you. My mother would never be offended if one of her friends was truthful enough to admit they don't come to visit because of her smoking. She would be just as happy with a card or phone call.

I've spent my entire life hating cigarettes and cigarette smoke, but I don't let this issue come between me and my husband, or me and my mom. I personally would not let this keep me from visiting my friend, but then again, I do not have asthma or breathing issues. I'm not worried about my exposure; my concern is with having a peaceful heart once my mother is gone, knowing I was there and did all I could.

beckyb1012 · ‎03-09-2010

Too bad you cannot set up something like a drive through window with a recliner for her on one side and a lawn chair for you on the other so you can visit in person.

It is a shame he will not step outside during visits for his wife's sake if not the guest but if it is that bad you would not be able to stand the smell.

Call her often, send her cards, do whatever and as much ever often to let her know how much she means to you.

But sadly he is probably the type of man who feels he is the "king" of his castle and that is that.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@beckyb1012 wrote:
Too bad you cannot set up something like a drive through window with a recliner for her on one side and a lawn chair for you on the other so you can visit in person.
It is a shame he will not step outside during visits for his wife's sake if not the guest but if it is that bad you would not be able to stand the smell.
Call her often, send her cards, do whatever and as much ever often to let her know how much she means to you.
But sadly he is probably the type of man who feels he is the "king" of his castle and that is that.

Smokers are ADDICTS .... nicotine addiction is a tough thing to beat ... some say it's worse than beating heroin.

Nevertheless, be a friend from afar if there's no reasonable alternative. Most of us wouldn't visit a crazy hoarder or a someone living in a home that reeks of dog and cat feces.

A little common sense is required when it comes to protecting your own health. JMO