Oh Cherry/MarielG (I am unsure which of you wrote the second paragraph), how tragic. I stayed with my mom up in north Jersey the last four months of her life. I was living in VA at the time and brought my two youngest babies with me (two months old and 16 months old). I had to leave my four-and a half-year old and three-year old babies with their father. I missed them so much and they would cry when we talked on the phone. They were too young to understand why I had to be away from them.
My mom was able to talk the first two months, and I was able to give her baths. I had to disguise my devastation at the sight of her. She knew she was near the end (lung cancer) but she never complained.
The final two months were terrible when it had spread to her brain, so I can empathize. But I'm sure you will agree, we will never regret it. I was with her in the hospital sitting next to her bed when she finally passed. I will never regret that either. No one else came, they waited for me to come home and tell them she was gone. No cell phones in those days, plus I didn't want to tell them over the phone anyway.
One never forgets such times, as I know you don't either. I am now the sick one. I know all the illnesses I have, but I don't know what this is now. However, I am still grateful for my long life.
My heart hurts for what you went through with your mother; and for what you are suffering now. With my parents, logistically, it was easier for me in that my parents lived close, and I did get to kiss my babies every night, even if they were sleeping when I got home (and yes I cried if I didn't make it home before they went to sleep); and I had support from DH (no siblings). What my parents went through, was torturous; mom got sick first and was suffering two years with colon cancer. (There was a point during Mom's treatment that Dad got a prosatate cancer diagnosis - which turned out to be treatable, and I doubled over screaming uncontrollaby.) For Mom, there were seven surgeries and radiation burns. She would still smile the moment I walked into her room. After she was hosptialized, I seemed to cause her less pain than the nurses, so I took over a lot of her care. I could move her better. (By that time there was a colostomy bag.) The doctors told me there was nothing more they could do and we were planning to take her home. We were at the hospital until 11:00 p.m.; I kissed her and hugged her. She kissed me and put her little hand in my hair. She told me she loved me. I got a call in the early am that she was gone. Dad got really bad the last year of his life which was excerbated by a botched surgery. I felt as if I was engulfed with a cloud of grief. I suffered because they suffered. And I do agree, I will never regret being there for them.
Do the math.
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