Wellness

[x Hedge]

Another one here.

  It was unspoken, but simply 'understood' that telling mom something was wrong with me was a bad idea.

I learned it was better to avoid bringing anything involving pain or compromised functioning to mom's attention, since it wouldn't result in being seen and treated by a Doctor anyhow.

[RoughDraft]

I suffered from mirgraines in my young adulthood and know how debilitating they can be, so you have my sympathies.  You say you still suffer from them to a lesser degree.  Have you sought medical help for them?  There are various medications and botox injections which help.

That said, when you say "no one can tell me just why I was not medically treated" I have to assume your parents are no longer alive.  That does't negate the fact that you never confronted them on the issue after you reached adulthood.  That in itself indicates that there was a barrier or non-communicative sort of relationship in the family and that is unfortunate and the fact that the issue is still bothering you could mean that you should consider  counseling.

[Desertdi]

I have had the same experience with my parents.   I was seriously ill when I was 9 years old.   Bedridden, and missed attendance for most of the 4th grade.  My lessons were dropped off at the house by a neighboring student. (I recently found my report cards among my mother's effects.)    As a result of this "illness", I developed childhood arthritis, so I suspect that I had rheumatic fever.

My parents always said I pretended to be "sick" to get "sympathy and attention".   I still have acute migratory arthritis.

In my 40's, (and married),  I had a serious accident resulting in 24 broken bones.   My mother  claimed I "caused it myself, to get sympathy".    

My parents were born in this country, and both educated.   It was not a "religious thing", either.    I still wonder............

You are not alone @this is my nic   di

[this is my nic]

@sidsmom 

Yes, Munchausen by Proxy does make sense, but in the case of migraines I don't know how someone could cause them in someone else.  I will say that  migraines can be caused by stress and I was under lots of stress.  People think being an only child means the child is spoiled.  However, when there is only one child in the family as I am, and Mother is a perfectionist, well you get the idea.  I don't think I ever relaxed. 

[this is my nic]

@Desertdi 

How awful for you!  I'm so sorry you had such terrible experiences.   Wow, broke 24 bones to get attention and sympathy!?   I hope you are healed from that ordeal!  All I can do is just shake my head.  I know you still have to wonder why. 

[Big Joanie]

Yes .. certainly being an only child means all the focus is on you ...

when there are other siblings it gets spread around ... at 11 when

my mother .. after a divorce married who she called the love of her

life ... they had 2 babies and she pretty much abandoned us older

3 children ...

Oh and by the way .. I was never introduced to this man until the

day she brought him home and announced this is your new

step father ....fortunately he and I hated each other .. so I spend

the rest of my childhood in a house filled with hate ...

In therapy .. I expressed that I would hate to think that I had to go

through what I did to become the person I am today ....But I

think I did ...

[Big Joanie]

I meant to say unfortunately .....

[CAcableGirl2]

@this is my nic   I'm so sorry you had to deal with those migraines.  I used to get them, my vision was zig-zag, and I would vomit and any light or sound was just excruciating.  I was an adult and feared the worst and finally went to a doctor, and got a prescription to take it when the vision started to go.

They eventually went away, but if someone has never experienced a bad migraine, they have no idea of how debilitating it can be.  Your life is completely on hold until you feel better and even after it was over (I usually just went to bed for the rest of the day and the night), the next day, I had a lingering headache.

I'm not sure why someone would let their child suffer.  Maybe due to lack of medical knowledge or insurance or the fear that the doctor would tell them that there really was something serious with their child. 

And then there are parents that think if something is wrong with their child, it reflects on them as parents in some sort of twisted way.

I think many years ago, most everyone just suffered through whatever ailment they had, and thankfully today, we are much more proactive in our own health and the availibility of information available on line helps.

[ValuSkr]

Perhaps your current doctor has an insight into the situation - i.e. can explain why your mother chose to dismiss your concerns.

[RedTop]

@this is my nic,

I am in WV, and was born in the mid 50’s.  I have had similar conversations with my mother about “not taking us to the doctor”.    While I don’t remember going to the doctor that often, my mom feels she was always there with one of us 3 kids.  In fact, mom would never pay the doctor bill in full, because every time she did, one of us would get sick or hurt and we’d be back in the office shortly after the payment.     

I remember how different doctor visits were in the 60’s here.   Our doctor was in 6 days a week; his small office was one block from the hospital, and there were no appts.   Mom had us waiting in line at the door when the nurse unlocked it and let us into the waiting room that probably had 8-10 seats at most.   Nothing back then was like it is now; we had medical care for vaccines, broken bones, hernias, and high fevers which were mostly strep, everything else was a home remedy.   My oldest brother had a blistering burn on his leg; it was treated with a salve, and he has no scar.   Younger brother had a puncture wound; mom knew his tetanus was good, slapped a poultice on it, healed him and showed the doctor the scar later.   My mom only saw the doctor when she was pregnant and for an anxiety issue after my youngest brother was born.

My food allergies were not diagnosed until my early 30’s, despite the noticeable issues I had from elementary age into my teen years.   I am allergic to corn, wheat, tomatoes, potatoes, milk, citrus, and egg whites.  We lived on a farm, so I ate most of this stuff every day!   My parents were shocked by my allergy diagnosis in the 1980’s, as they had never heard of anyone being allergic to food!   My issues were never mentioned to my doctor, as my parents just thought I had a nervous stomach, and gave me paregoric or pepto.

3 members of my family had migraines; the females tied scarves tightly around their heads and went to bed for days at a time.  The male was never without packets of BC headache powders.   It was simply their “affliction”, and they never saw a doctor for it.   

Running to the doctor just wasn’t done in the 60’s and early 70’s.   I really noticed the change in medical care when my Papaw got sick in 1974.  That’s when my family learned the ropes with “testing and test results” along with other medical terminology, maintenance prescriptions, physician referrals, etc.,