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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,170
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

I was fortunate. Never had any of this. I just stopped cold. This post reminded me of a a funny incident. I thought I would share.

My hubby always wanders off in stores. No clue where he hides... any kind of store, grocery, box store.. anywhere. I often go down one aisle and up another looking for him. Ready to leave one day I was rather in desperation so in jest I asked a sales clerk stocking shelves if he had an aisle for husbands. A nearby lady customer responded.... yes they do.... THE RETURNS. We all got a good laugh.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,158
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

I have to laugh because what comes to mind now is, if you thought PMS was rough, hang onto your seat. But it's not that bad. I didn't choose pills, I was lucky as I look back and I think it went pretty fast. It's a temporary thing, part of life. He'll get used to your fanning yourself during your personal heat waves, I'll bet. When you cry, just explain, you don't know why it's happening. I think the body cries, because, once again, it has to change. That's all it really is. So, bear with it and you'll come out the other side.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,390
Registered: ‎09-22-2011

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

I had a total hysterectomy when I was 24 years old. Started taking hormones at that time (compounded hormones, not Premarin or anything like that). No complications.

About two years ago, at 57, I decided to stop the hormones. And nothing happened. I was fine. No night sweats, no mood swings. (DH has said that he thought I was moodier when I was still having periods all those years ago. But I had endometriosis and was in a horrific amount of pain. The best thingI ever did was have the hysterectomy; I have never regretted it.)

I guess I was lucky. I don't understand what all the hoopla is about.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,648
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

I went through it at 28 and, as for husbands, well you probably have to come up with some comparison that they can relate to - something that affects THEM - for them to 'understand'. Good luck with that.

One bit of advice, which relates to something I went through with my husband (at that time), is to not let him use it against you. I remember one time, way back then, when there was some kind of argument or something. He spewed out 'I think you need to take your hormones'. OH NO you didn't!! I made it clear that he would not say something like that to me again.

I took the hormones for about 18 years and, in retrospect, I wish I never did. they had to do something because, within a day of my hysterectomy, I bottomed out really bad. Back then I didn't know about the profound animal cruelty involved in manufacturing these hormones so I blindly went along. When I learned about it I stopped immediately, but I still feel guilty about participating in that for as long as I did. I've talked to others who just don't care and say they would never stop. In good conscience, I could not continue and wouldn't change that for anything. I felt the difference for a short while, but it wasn't that bad. Here we are many years after that and I don't feel any effects for not taking them.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 7,597
Registered: ‎12-17-2012

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

On 1/1/2015 poshmini said:

I guess I am blessed to have a husband to truly understand what I am going through. We have a lot of talks about things and one is going through menopause. While I have a bit of the hot flashes, I do experience mood swings at times as well. I guess open communication works best for me, he realizes it's just a stage in life we women have to go through. I feel as he does, that men seem to go through a stage in their lives as well. We've been married 36 years and we've been through a lot, I think just keeping them informed of how we feel while going through this change in our lives keeps us closer in touch with our feelings for one another.

Mine is very understanding too! ... thanks poshmini, I couldn't have said it better!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,304
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

I kept all that to myself altho I had very, very mild symptoms compared to other women. Husband never knew I was going thru meno. He never wanted to know anyway. But....I took HRT for about 4-5 years during meno and in 2012 was dx with breast cancer so please DO NOT go that route!!!! I take 400 iu of Vit E everyday for tiny little hot flashes I may have due to taking tamoxifen.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,754
Registered: ‎05-08-2010

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

On 1/1/2015 Wadzlla said:

Women do not talk about menopause much, except for the hot flashes. The hormones that make you a sensual woman are no longer being produced. Your ability to naturally reproduce is over. The effects of these changes are VERY hard on some women, some breeze through it.

There is not a lot of specific information about menopause. I will be 10 years into menopause in May. Still have hot flashes, intimacy is not the same, but it is better than 5 years ago.

I find it very difficult to accept that my body is no longer young.It makes me embarrassed. I keep fit and look good, but heads no longer turn when I walk into a room. It is hard to navigate not being youthful. There is a fine line between looking good at 60 and looking foolish.

You can't turn back the clock, but you can accept what is, and count your blessings, and love your husband. He still wants you to love him. He is still attracted to YOU. It's not about how you look anymore. Don't forget that. Took me 5-6 years to figure out how important that his attraction to me is. I don't know how long until one of us will be gone, and I am not going to spend my days being miserable or worrying about the past.

Bless you and I hope this made sense.

Beautifully said. You have written my story, except, I take bioidentical hormones and it has helped the intimacy part 100%. Of course, it is not the same as when you are in your 20's. But then again, in many ways it is better.......sweeter.

Your post made perfect sense......at least to me. Thank you.

Fear not Brothers and Sisters! I have read THE BOOK..........we win!!!
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,415
Registered: ‎11-25-2011

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

My BFF wanted to know what hot flashes felt like...I told him, for me, it's like having a high fever for about 20 minutes. Nothing external, like a fan, ice on the neck or less clothes, will lower the heat until it dissipates naturally.

wagirl: I started taking Prempro 1.5-2 yrs ago since I wasn't getting an ounce of sleep. The detriment of no sleep was outweighed by any other condition. My hormone/cortisol levels were @ their peak of 'wonkiness' (!!) then, but it's getting better now, I'm slowly trying to wean myself from Prempro this year...every 2 weeks reduce a day. Hopefully my sleep won't be affected. Does this sound like a do-able plan?

Super Contributor
Posts: 1,861
Registered: ‎09-14-2012

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

Perimenopause ( especially the 4 years prior to The End of my periods) was hard for me to deal with...I had PMS every month, although my periods were coming every other month, and the periods were extremely heavy, and 2 days longer than before. I gained around 30 pounds and I it seemed I had no metabolism. The night sweats were the worst part (waking up soaked) and I could never get "warm enough" during the night so my sleep was disrupted. My first hot flash happened at work, after lunch - a drug rep brought Mexican for us - and I felt like a volcano was erupting inside of me. A co-worker noticed my flushed face and soaking wet forehead and she told me what was happening, thankfully! She also told me about HRT ( she developed breast cancer from it and had a bilateral mastectomy) and advised me to avoid that if possible. I had problems taking BC Pills when I was young so I decided to take OTC Estroven as my replacement therapy. So glad it works for me - no more hot flashes or night sweats since I started it 10 years ago. {#emotions_dlg.thumbup1} Even Mexican and Italian food (another hot flash trigger) haven't caused any flashes, so I was happy about that too. Smile

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,073
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Tips on dealing with MENOPAUSE and husbands

On 1/1/2015 debcakes said:
On 1/1/2015 Clover29 said:

I'm 53. My last period was in June (went from normal monthly to just stopping dead). I haven't had any other symptoms. I don't have anything to explain {#emotions_dlg.mellow}

Same here. No symptoms and I am 10 yrs. older. I have known some people who really suffered.

You 2 are lucky. Mine has been pretty horrible, but I have a few friends who have it even worse than me. My DH is pretty good about it, although he has told me he is tired of trying to predict my mood swings.