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Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,835
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

If you really want help, you have to see what is out there...does insurance cover rehab? Ask, find out, don't just assume it may not. You have to be willing to bend a bit and accept help to get help.  It is not always going to be perfect, but if it takes some of the burdens off your shoulders then it is worth it.  As the saying goes.....Keep doing the same thing.....you get the same thing.  If you want change then do something.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,648
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

When a person is the caregiver, and they have no help  it is really too much , you must look into getting some help,what about visiting nurses?

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,579
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

As I said before we do not belong to a church and we have no friends

 

 


@noodleann wrote:

@I am still oxox wrote:

I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment, a little background I have Firbomyaliga and other muscular issues as well as A fib, my husband had hip replacement in March and a fractured his femur on week post op, I also shop for and make dinner for my 94 year old day every other night, I do not drive.

Hubby had surgery this past Tuesday to correct the issue with the femur, he was in the hospital one night.. Since he has been home I have been taking care of him basically waiting on him hand and foot.

I am physically and mentally exhausted, as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area. I was in therapy for a few years and it did nothing to help me deal with these situations.

We had a shouting match earlier today regarding putting together a shower chair.

I am weak and weary and not sure I can deal with him any longer

Rehab is out of the question since it is very costly and not sure it is covered by insurance.

 

He and I are both sad and annoyed with each other. 

 

He is not allowed to drive for at least 4 weeks and most likely will be home until the end of August.


If you're a member of a church, they  may have a committee that helps in just these circumstances, for instance, bringing over cooked meals a few times a week. 

 

A neighbor could help with things like assembling a shower chair. Having a "shouting match" over something like this isn't good for your or your husband, who is the patient here. You're both dealing with a lot, but you need to back out of altercations and keep them from escalating. I am assuming he's pretty stationary at this point, either bedridden or has limited movement, but you can put a couple of doors between you. 

 

I'm not clear on the "94 year old day" and the meals, but apparently someone else is covering half of them. See if they can cover more. Insist on it.

 

You say "as far as I know there are limited resources," etc. So you don't know. Find out. Make a list of places to call on Monday, starting with the hospital and local office of the department of aging. Recognize that you can't handle this job of caring for DH by yourself, that you need support and breathers, and you have the right to seek them.

 

Don't be afraid to ask for favors of people, but be specific. "Can you come over and help me assemble this shower chair?" is an example. "I need suppers for 2 people 3 nights a week, delivered between 6 and 7 p.m. We prefer X menu and are allergic to/don't like X foods." If this is hard to do, pretend you're doing it for someone else who really needs this help. If you get "no," ask for suggestions. Ask what others in your circumstances have done. Those questions can lead to helpful ideas.

 

This is not forever! Even when there are complications, healing is happening. Focus on getting the help you need and changing the terms of volunteering you were doing for others.  Best wishes to you during this very hard time.


 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,735
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Sadness abounds

[ Edited ]

In addition to home health services that I mentioned above, if your husband truly is unable to be safe at home or is declining, he should be eligible for direct admission to a rehab or skilled nursing facility. Were options/needs discussed at all before he came home? Again, these are covered services by Medicare. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,531
Registered: ‎11-08-2014

I am still oxox, hugs.  I know when depression sets in, everything can seem overwhelming.  You have gotten such good feedback from these caring posters-- try to tackle one of the positive suggestions, that make sense to you, one at a time, until there is some improvement in your situation...

 

Thinking of you and sending prayers...

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,579
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

VNS was here on Thursday all they do is take his vitals etc

 


@goldensrbest wrote:

When a person is the caregiver, and they have no help  it is really too much , you must look into getting some help,what about visiting nurses?


 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,484
Registered: ‎09-15-2016

Please call your insurance company & explain your situation, they can check your coverage along with any low cost services that are locally available. Call your doctor's office as well & speak to the nurse, they may know of volunteers in the area that help with home care. The Health Dept in your county may have resources as well. You can't get help if you don't speak up & if you're anything like me that is difficult to do. I wish you & your loved ones all the best. Take care of yourself. Hugs.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,520
Registered: ‎03-04-2012

I think some of us think our lives are tough until we realize what other people are going through on a daily basis.  Our area has a 211 phone number that you can call for seniors or people in need.  Check with your local hospital or fire department to see if there is help in your area.  Take a deep breath, go in another room and get away from it for awhile.  Just tell your husband you need a break.  I'm sure he's just as frustrated with his situation.  Dealing with an injury or recouperating from a surgery like that can be depressing. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,579
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Never said I was on Medicare, we are 62 and not on it

 


@tucsongal wrote:

Were home health care services offered before he came home? They certainly should have been. All you need is a referral from your doctor and he can have skilled nursing if indicated, physical therapy and occupational therapy(they will evaluate for needs) Also bathing assistance as long as the other disciplines are coming.

 

These are covered services under Medicare.


 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,735
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@I am still oxox wrote:

Never said I was on Medicare, we are 62 and not on it

 


@tucsongal wrote:

Were home health care services offered before he came home? They certainly should have been. All you need is a referral from your doctor and he can have skilled nursing if indicated, physical therapy and occupational therapy(they will evaluate for needs) Also bathing assistance as long as the other disciplines are coming.

 

These are covered services under Medicare.


 


------------

 

You did not, my apologies. At any rate, if you have medical insurance, chances are they cover home health. It sounds like a nurse may have come out and initiated care? If so, I would think that therapy would also be ordered. Most home health services also have a social worker who could come out and talk to you about community resources. Again, sorry for my assumption.