Sadness abounds

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment, a little background I have Firbomyaliga and other muscular issues as well as A fib, my husband had hip replacement in March and a fractured his femur on week post op, I also shop for and make dinner for my 94 year old day every other night, I do not drive.

Hubby had surgery this past Tuesday to correct the issue with the femur, he was in the hospital one night.. Since he has been home I have been taking care of him basically waiting on him hand and foot.

I am physically and mentally exhausted, as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area. I was in therapy for a few years and it did nothing to help me deal with these situations.

We had a shouting match earlier today regarding putting together a shower chair.

I am weak and weary and not sure I can deal with him any longer

Rehab is out of the question since it is very costly and not sure it is covered by insurance.

He and I are both sad and annoyed with each other.

He is not allowed to drive for at least 4 weeks and most likely will be home until the end of August.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

Yeah, you ned some help. Try to remember this won't last forever, even if it feels now like it will.

Do you have any family or friends who can help?

*********************
Keepin' it real.

CareBears · ‎08-30-2015

@I am still oxox I feel your pain, I am so sorry that you both are feeling this way!

I too have my share of physical and mental ailments that prevent me from leaving the house for weeks at a time, and last night I was looking forward to just running to the Dollar Tree so I could be out among people and not stuck inside the house lonely and depressed, and then my husband called and told me he was going to be late getting home because of work, my heart sank!

Today I am just exhausted physically and mentally, and have no way out of our situation either due to insurance limitations and lack of family.

I wish we lived closer to one another so we could have each other to lean on for support, I find when my husband and I spend too much time together (never leaving the home) we tend to get on each other's nerves when there seems to be no escape.

Hang in there, you are not alone, and please know that I care if that helps any?

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@I am still oxox, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Is there anyone who could give you a hand? I hope your DH has a good recuperation. Try to take it one day at a time and do the best you can. LM

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

"not sure it is covered by insurance."

Why haven't called your ins co & asked? Or get a friend or family member to do so for you?

"as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area."

Call your local Social Service Department or get a friend or family member to do it. If you and/or hubby are seniors call your local Senior Citizen Services.

You should consider "Meals On Wheels" for your aging parent.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

tucsongal · ‎03-10-2010

Were home health care services offered before he came home? They certainly should have been. All you need is a referral from your doctor and he can have skilled nursing if indicated, physical therapy and occupational therapy(they will evaluate for needs) Also bathing assistance as long as the other disciplines are coming.

These are covered services under Medicare.

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

My Dad would never eat meals on wheels he has a very limited diet and that would still not change my shopping for him and visiting him

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

We have no friends and everyone here is a busy body but never offeres to help.

@Lilysmom wrote:
@I am still oxox, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Is there anyone who could give you a hand? I hope your DH has a good recuperation. Try to take it one day at a time and do the best you can. LM

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

hoosieroriginal · ‎03-04-2012

All it takes is a phone call to your insurance company - maybe there is some in-home coverage if you are on Medicare - you won't lose anything making the call. Sorry you are going through so much, sometimes it feels good just to vent.

noodleann · ‎06-10-2015

@I am still oxox wrote:
I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment, a little background I have Firbomyaliga and other muscular issues as well as A fib, my husband had hip replacement in March and a fractured his femur on week post op, I also shop for and make dinner for my 94 year old day every other night, I do not drive.
Hubby had surgery this past Tuesday to correct the issue with the femur, he was in the hospital one night.. Since he has been home I have been taking care of him basically waiting on him hand and foot.
I am physically and mentally exhausted, as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area. I was in therapy for a few years and it did nothing to help me deal with these situations.
We had a shouting match earlier today regarding putting together a shower chair.
I am weak and weary and not sure I can deal with him any longer
Rehab is out of the question since it is very costly and not sure it is covered by insurance.

He and I are both sad and annoyed with each other.

He is not allowed to drive for at least 4 weeks and most likely will be home until the end of August.

If you're a member of a church, they may have a committee that helps in just these circumstances, for instance, bringing over cooked meals a few times a week.

A neighbor could help with things like assembling a shower chair. Having a "shouting match" over something like this isn't good for your or your husband, who is the patient here. You're both dealing with a lot, but you need to back out of altercations and keep them from escalating. I am assuming he's pretty stationary at this point, either bedridden or has limited movement, but you can put a couple of doors between you.

I'm not clear on the "94 year old day" and the meals, but apparently someone else is covering half of them. See if they can cover more. Insist on it.

You say "as far as I know there are limited resources," etc. So you don't know. Find out. Make a list of places to call on Monday, starting with the hospital and local office of the department of aging. Recognize that you can't handle this job of caring for DH by yourself, that you need support and breathers, and you have the right to seek them.

Don't be afraid to ask for favors of people, but be specific. "Can you come over and help me assemble this shower chair?" is an example. "I need suppers for 2 people 3 nights a week, delivered between 6 and 7 p.m. We prefer X menu and are allergic to/don't like X foods." If this is hard to do, pretend you're doing it for someone else who really needs this help. If you get "no," ask for suggestions. Ask what others in your circumstances have done. Those questions can lead to helpful ideas.

This is not forever! Even when there are complications, healing is happening. Focus on getting the help you need and changing the terms of volunteering you were doing for others. Best wishes to you during this very hard time.