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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,633
Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Preparing emotionally for surgery

In two weeks I go in to have the bone cleaned out in my tmj joints and have spacers put in. I then will go back a few months later to have the new joint put in. I am scared to death. I just want to cry. Any advice on how to stay calm and not get anxious before surgery. I have so much to look forward to after it's over. We should be breaking ground on our house shortly after my surgery. I just can't calm my self and am so scared. 

 

 

Three years ears ago I ended up in the hospital for three months with a infection. You would think that this would be a piece of cake. I will be in the hospital for one to two nights.  But the thing about that is it happened so quick I didn't have time to worry about it. I have to much time to think about this and I am freaked out.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 612
Registered: ‎12-03-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

I sympathize. Fear is normal when facing these serious procedures. Sometimes though, we have to endure them. That's where courage comes in. 

 

I don't know if relaxation techniques would help or going to your "happy place" mentally (if you have one) would calm you at all.

 

When I faced medical challenges, I just put one foot in front of the other and step by step I made it through. But I had few choices. I guess it was a form of mind control for me. Try to imagine yourself on the other side of all this, how much better your quality of life will be. And when the fears rear up, as they will, reimagine your future happy self.  I truly hope this helps.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,519
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

@ccassaday,

I too am weeks away from surgery; 5 years after my first joint replacement, my other knee is ready for surgery.   Things are very different this time, as I'm ready to just have the procedure now, and not let myself get into the very painful stages I suffered through the first time.   I'm retired and want to live this stage of my life on my feet, not sitting in a chair because of the pain and discomfort.   

 

I am busy cleaning my house, stocking the freezer and pantry with food, and getting my bag packed to do this again.   I well remember the pain, the sleepless nights when I just couldn't get comfortable, and the PT sessions that took up so much time, but yet I'm ready to do it all over again, because I remember the wonderful feeling immediately after surgery when I realized the stress and tension in my knee was gone.   

 

I worked 27 years in the hospital where I'm having my surgery.  I well know the risks, the what ifs, and what can happen, but I also know this bad knee stands between me and what I want.  Attitude is everything, and my attitude is that I will do my very best to have another good surgery and recovery experience.  

 

I come from a family of anxious and nervous people.  I choose to face my issues, deal with my challenges, and keep moving forward living my life.   I'm sorry you are scared and worried about your upcoming procedure, and hope you find a way to find the confidence you need.   If you choose to spend the next 2 weeks worrying, you will only have wasted time that you can't get back.   Focus on getting this done and moving forward.   Best wishes to you with your procedure!    

Valued Contributor
Posts: 612
Registered: ‎12-03-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

Good luck to both of you! Nice post @RedTop. Well said. ITA.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,633
Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

Thanks. Those post really help. There is a slight chance it still may get postponed. As a few weeks ago it was still pending with the insurance. I will be calling tomorrow to see if it has been approved yet. I have a checkup at the doctors tuesday so I also need to find out what I need from him Tuesday. I have such mixed emotions. I am ready and anxious to get it over with and move on to getting moved in to our new house. It's a exciting time but also a scary time.  Then the next minute I am scared to death.  I need to focus on all the fun things that will be happening after surgery. Because it is going to be a very fun summer.

 

Kind of a funny story. We are taking out the shower room we turned our dining room into when I  moved in. It will be going back to a dining room to sell the house. We have decided to stay while the house is for sale. We have a hot market so we fully expect it to be sold within a couple days. But that means I have no shower and I have to go to my sisters to shower. So it's kind of good timing because I am sure I won't be wanting a shower very often after surgery.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,476
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

[ Edited ]

 

          @ccassaday,  I really can understand because I was a champion worrier for years, and I still have to work at calling a halt to it when I feel the worry machine start up in my head.   When I was a child, I had a couple of difficult medical experiences and became unreasonably fearful of doctors and all medical settings...  if I can turn around such worries, I know you can. 😊  I've had surgeries and procedures along the way.   And, ironically,  I've ended up working most of my life in hospitals.    Taking the Dale Carnegie course opened my eyes to the destructive nature of worry and the fact that we truly can learn to control it, and one of the books we read is a practical guide:  "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living."   It's old... but still popular because it's effective and wise.

 

          The anticipation of most things is far, far worse than the actual event.   And our mind is powerful...  so it's essential to learn how to use it for the positive, and make it work for us instead of against us.    Methods such as biofeedback, positive imagery, and breathing techniques can be life-changing, and a good therapist can help you make these a natural part of your daily life -- please ask your doctor about these.   I know some people dislike quotations, maxims, dismiss the value of "platitudes," but the fact is that many of them are still with us because they are true and applicable.    I found they often were the inspirations or the "light bulbs" I needed to awaken my brain and change my destructive thought patterns.   So keep your eyes open for inspirational quotes and positive affirmations.   

 

          Here are some practical statistics about worries that can help us to see them more clearly and realize they're not serving us well:

 

"~ 40% of the things we worry about never actually happen.
  ~ 30% of the things have already happened and there is nothing we can do about it.
  ~ 12% are needless worries about health.  Worrying actually counteracts the efforts we put into good health.  It creates internal chemical reactions that result in negative physiological maladies over time.
  ~ 10% are trivial and miscellaneous issues.
  ~ 8% (if that) are real worries, of which only half are something we can do about, while the other half we can only do a little about."

 

          Also, I love this quote and I've learned that it's true:

 

"Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength -- carrying two days at once.   It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time.   Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ~Corrie ten Boom

 

          Sending you good wishes.   My faith is a significant component of overcoming worry...  so I send not only positive thoughts but also prayers for you and for your health care team.    All will be well...  I just know it.❤️

 

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery


@ccassaday wrote:

Thanks. Those post really help. There is a slight chance it still may get postponed. As a few weeks ago it was still pending with the insurance. I will be calling tomorrow to see if it has been approved yet. I have a checkup at the doctors tuesday so I also need to find out what I need from him Tuesday. I have such mixed emotions. I am ready and anxious to get it over with and move on to getting moved in to our new house. It's a exciting time but also a scary time.  Then the next minute I am scared to death.  I need to focus on all the fun things that will be happening after surgery. Because it is going to be a very fun summer.

 

Kind of a funny story. We are taking out the shower room we turned our dining room into when I  moved in. It will be going back to a dining room to sell the house. We have decided to stay while the house is for sale. We have a hot market so we fully expect it to be sold within a couple days. But that means I have no shower and I have to go to my sisters to shower. So it's kind of good timing because I am sure I won't be wanting a shower very often after surgery.


 

@ccassaday

 

Your excitement and enthusiasm about your new home is obvious and maybe that's your ticket?

 

When you find yourself worrying about the surgery, replace that worry with thinking about all of the plans you have for your new bedroom and new home!

 

You'll be able to have things much more accessible to you, what will you put where? What color scheme do you want in your room? What wall art/pictures will you choose and where will they go? New bedding? What kind, what color?

 

I wish you the best with your upcoming surgery!

 

 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,587
Registered: ‎09-22-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

Crying and/or worrying won't change the outcome of the surgery.  Just let go.  There's nothing you can do about it.  Worrying creates stress and that is not good for the body and especially the mind. 

 

Good Luck

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,010
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

[ Edited ]

The discussion of religion is not permitted in these forums. The conversation in this thread is about conquering an evil crippling fear. Faith, as I understand it, is about connection with an energy we call Love. In that vein I offer this advice and hope it does not get skewed along the way by another energy, the one we call Hate.
_____

 

I once had to face a monster in my life. I heard a sermon just prior to its arrival, before I knew it was coming. It is decades later and I still firmly believe this message is what got me through the ordeal: In the story of David and Goliath, when little David had to face the giant, he went out and deliberately selected five stones to hurl. The first one he used got the job done. When you have a giant in your life, choose five verses, “stones,” to hurl at it every time it raises its ugly head. Hurl them as often as you need.

 

So that this post does not get deemed as ‘religious,’ by all means, choose your stones from whichever source you find wisdom and strength, whatever bolsters your spirit. Mine came from the Bible. There are several that talk about faith making you well/whole, but the one verse that killed my giant was Philippians 2:10.

 

I wish you peace of mind and health, @ccassaday

 

Edited to correct a typo.  

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: Preparing emotionally for surgery

I was in agony before my gallbladder removal surgery, and while surgery scared me some, the pain I was in made that fear pale in comparison.

 

So think about why you're doing they surgery and what the benefits are. If the benefits don't outweigh the risks and the fear, then reconsider the surgery

 

And talk to your surgeon. He or she should have fully explained every step of the procedure to you. If he didn't, make an appointment and make sure that happens. I did a lot of research on the surgery in between my diagnosis and my meeting with the surgeon, including watching some videos that walked through the entire process. That helped me get a better understanding of what would happen and prepared me to ask better questions when I met with the surgeon. He explained everything that would happen and what he would be doing and what might happen if there were complications and it matched everthing I'd read and heard, so that made me feel better, too. And before I left, I asked him what would happen if I didn't do they surgery. In my case, he said that if I didn't have scheduled surgery, I would likely wind up having emergency surgery that would mean more cutting, bigger scars, more pain, and a much longer recovery time. I also talked to a friend who had that emergency surgery for a galbladder removal and it sounded as bad as the doctor said. I scheduled the surgery that day.