Wellness

[alliswell]

[alliswell]

[Naneen]

Moonchilde,

I totally agree with you. I, too, would designate myself a realist, and your outlook is almost exactly like mine, and I couldn't say it better myself.

PS:   I'm also a "moonchild."  

[Moonchilde]

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@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

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@Moonchilde wrote:

I don't believe one's outlook on life should (or can be) "created." If it is, I don't think the person ever truly buys into it deep down, and knows they're faking it.

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@Moonchilde  I can see what you're saying, but I also think that life experiences affect how we see things.  And I think we can change some of our experiences, or find positives in a bad situation.

I'm kind of all over the place.  I think I'm usually realistic, but I'm often pessimistic and sometimes optimistic.  And the way I see things has been altered when I've crossed paths with certain people, or had certain experiences.  When it has caused positive thinking, it has been because I've been open enough to allow myself to see something new.

When my dad was sick I noticed that he never complained about it (well, not until the end, anyway), and I thought it was inspiring.  He would say that he was lucky he had access to good healthcare, and not everyone has that.  He was in denial about how sick he was, and that was part of the reason he wasn't complaining, but I chose to see it as a lesson I could learn from him about being strong and being thankful for what you have that is good.

It can be really hard to see the good in things though, so I don't blame people for having difficulty with that.  I often have difficulty with it myself.

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I see what you're saying as well, @mistriTsquirrel. Being open to something and allowing yourself to see something a new way is wonderfu. I was more referring to "putting a face on it" when one didn't really feel that way, and/or because others wanted or expected you to - trying to force yourself to feel a certain way based on the expectations and wishes of others, not yourself. I don't think that "works."

[blueroses47]

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@house_cat wrote:

Negative self-talk is one of my worst habits. I would never talk to anyone the way I talk to myself.  I'm working on it, but it's a tough habit to break.  I've made enough progress at least to recognize when I'm doing it.

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I'm just the same.  If anything, I am getting worse with age.....you would think that life's experience would give me some wisdom at this point, but what I know on an intellectual level doesn't translate with me on an emotional level.  I beat myself up constantly.

I have often thought that I would NEVER feel about my friends the way I feel about myself, or say to my friends what I say to myself.  I tell myself that I should be as good and as kind to myself , as accepting, but I just can't maintain that.

[mistriTsquirrel]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

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@Moonchilde wrote:

I don't believe one's outlook on life should (or can be) "created." If it is, I don't think the person ever truly buys into it deep down, and knows they're faking it.

---

@Moonchilde  I can see what you're saying, but I also think that life experiences affect how we see things.  And I think we can change some of our experiences, or find positives in a bad situation.

I'm kind of all over the place.  I think I'm usually realistic, but I'm often pessimistic and sometimes optimistic.  And the way I see things has been altered when I've crossed paths with certain people, or had certain experiences.  When it has caused positive thinking, it has been because I've been open enough to allow myself to see something new.

When my dad was sick I noticed that he never complained about it (well, not until the end, anyway), and I thought it was inspiring.  He would say that he was lucky he had access to good healthcare, and not everyone has that.  He was in denial about how sick he was, and that was part of the reason he wasn't complaining, but I chose to see it as a lesson I could learn from him about being strong and being thankful for what you have that is good.

It can be really hard to see the good in things though, so I don't blame people for having difficulty with that.  I often have difficulty with it myself.

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I see what you're saying as well, @mistriTsquirrel. Being open to something and allowing yourself to see something a new way is wonderfu. I was more referring to "putting a face on it" when one didn't really feel that way, and/or because others wanted or expected you to - trying to force yourself to feel a certain way based on the expectations and wishes of others, not yourself. I don't think that "works."

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@Moonchilde  I get what you mean.  People have tried to push me into believing certain things before, and it hasn't worked. 

I try really hard to not allow negative self-talk to take over, and frankly I'm tired of being told to be more positive.  I'm doing the best I can, and people telling me to smile or telling me how I should feel or how I should look at things is getting pretty old.

But I do see value in the concept of trying to be more positive, so as long as someone's not trying to jam it down my throat or act like I'm not trying hard enough, I think it's a good thing.

[dooBdoo]

          Great thread and insightful posts, everyone.     I agree that for most people it's not a simple division of optimist vs pessimist vs realist.    A "Pollyanna" is unrealistic optimism -- I think the Stuart Smalley SNL sketches were a reaction to that, and they were hilarious...  but they also in small part encouraged people to minimize the value of the tangible, concrete help and actual physiological changes we achieve by using positive affirmations and self-talk when we have serious depression or anxiety.   The anti-Pollyanna, the unrealistic pessimist, expects everything to go wrong.   Both of these unrealistic types can be a drain on the people around them.  

          My goal is realistic optimism -- hoping for and expecting the best but being logical, pragmatic and prepared for all eventualities.  

          We actually can train ourselves in a discipline of positive thinking, and we can change.    I've seen it myself and others.   It's easier if we're guided by someone trained in this, but unfortunately there's still such a stigma about going to counselors and therapists that some will need to find the resources and pursue this on their own.   As a young kid I was a major pessimist, always negative, anxious, wondering when the next bad thing would happen.   I would worry over things and actually make myself physically ill.   The brain can do that...  it can sicken our body and also can heal it.   As a young adult,  I fell into the dark abyss of depression, sought help, and slowly found there were ways to retrain my thought processes.  

          I was astonished the first time I discovered I could slow my heartbeat and lower my blood pressure, quickly, with biofeedback and positive imagery...  the power of the mind over the body.   One example, I flew a lot during part of my career and I was thrilled when I learned to overcome my claustrophobia on airplanes, and completely stop the tension when a flight was turbulent, simply with my mind and not with medications.   

           I took the Dale Carnegie course to face my paralyzing fear of public speaking and serendipitously was introduced to the book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.    I learned practical things to do when I allowed my mind to cycle into negativity...  when I allowed myself to catastrophize and go into downward spirals.  

           One of the best things I learned from the book was to recognize the catastrophizing, then think about what the worst thing was that might happen, then research and forumlate specifically what I would do if the worst thing did happen.   It was/is very, very effective.   (Great book, old but still popular because his principles work and have been "borrowed" by many newer authors.)

          So, that's my realistic optimism...  I do hope for and expect the best but try to identify the potential for the worst and be prepared for it. 

[dooBdoo]

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@cotton4me wrote:

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@catwhisperer wrote:

As far as the "glass half full" vs. the "glass half empty", IMO, it's BOTH. Why does it have to be one or the other?

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@catwhisperer

Ha - your post reminded me of the following.

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             Actively practicing gratitude can have incredibly powerful positive effects.  

          It's not just conjecture or anecdotal.    Brain imaging studies have found that listing 3 things we're grateful for, every day for 21 days, actually physically and measurably "rewires" our brain and generates positive feelings both short-term and long-term.    It "stimulates the hypothalamus (a key part of the brain that regulates stress) and the ventral tegmental area (part of our “reward circuitry” that produces the sensation of pleasure)."  

          Counting our blessings, no matter how small, in a systematic way significantly and measurably increases our feelings of optimism.  

[software]

For me, self-talk is a habit and in my case usually a bad habit.

I am the queen of the "worst possible scenario" - oh woe is me!

I often think the worse of people, situations, just about everything.

I don't walk around with blinders or rose colored glasses, but it's much better on my mental state to think positive thoughts over negative ones.

What helps me in this is the success I've had by doing it.

For example, if I'm faced with some chore, either alone or with others, I'm the biggest Debbie Downer, I'll find 1,000 things that could go wrong and it if goes right, 1,000 ways I'll make myself miserable over it.

I had to quit that, I was so unhappy.   So now I stop it, right away and replace the bad with the good.    It's a process.   But it has certainly changed my outlook for the better.

Every day is a new day, another chance for success.    Self-talk can eventually become positive with a little practice.

[CANDLEQUEEN]

For me this is hard. I can be so optimistic when it is about some one else, my daughters, my mom, or my husband, but for myself I start thinking negatively a lot! I am working on it, and I have seen improvement, and my husband helps a lot too. It takes a long time to change your way of thinking, or the thought process.....I am a work in progress!