Re: 🌤Positive Thinking: Stop Negative Self-Talk

cecesnana · ‎07-12-2013

@catwhisperer wrote:

@cecesnana...I did not state that anyone said this. I was just making a comment.

Thanks! Just asking and trying to understand.💙

It's a work in progress for probably all of us imho.

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

I have had times in my life when I was going through something difficult.

Before my low thyroid was diagnosed, I was a young mother and finally confided to a friend that I was feeling so sad and often cried -- and I didn't know why. She promptly gave me a stern talking and told me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, that I had no reason to feel that way. I have other examples of her talking to me like that and never felt like opening up to her after that and not surprisingly, I let the friendship die.

I opened up to an aunt, too. I needed a motherly figure in my life and she did the same thing during that period. I told her I felt like crying all the time. It felt like she was scolding me too, telling me I had so much to be grateful for. She even listed off things to remind me of what I had (a dishwasher, for example), as if that would make things all better.

I have had too many not understand when I am legitimately going through something and I think it has done something to me. I would NEVER talk to someone the way I have been talked to.

I had one very special, loving friend. We would get together and hold each other's hand as we each talked about things that were going on in each of our lives. We would cry and laugh and pray for each other. My friend died last year of cancer. There are others in my life but there will be no other like her for me.

What i I am basically saying is we all go through things but how you were talked to (buck up!) and treated sure makes a difference.

mistriTsquirrel · ‎07-17-2010

@Teddie wrote:
I have had times in my life when I was going through something difficult.

Before my low thyroid was diagnosed, I was a young mother and finally confided to a friend that I was feeling so sad and often cried -- and I didn't know why. She promptly gave me a stern talking and told me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, that I had no reason to feel that way. I have other examples of her talking to me like that and never felt like opening up to her after that and not surprisingly, I let the friendship die.

I opened up to an aunt, too. I needed a motherly figure in my life and she did the same thing during that period. I told her I felt like crying all the time. It felt like she was scolding me too, telling me I had so much to be grateful for. She even listed off things to remind me of what I had (a dishwasher, for example), as if that would make things all better.

I have had too many not understand when I am legitimately going through something and I think it has done something to me. I would NEVER talk to someone the way I have been talked to.

I had one very special, loving friend. We would get together and hold each other's hand as we each talked about things that were going on in each of our lives. We would cry and laugh and pray for each other. My friend died last year of cancer. There are others in my life but there will be no other like her for me.

What i I am basically saying is we all go through things but how you were talked to (buck up!) and treated sure makes a difference.

I'm so sorry about your friend, @Teddie.

I have had many of the same types of experiences regarding people telling me that I have no reason to be depressed. It makes you feel even worse when you realize that someone you thought you could count on to be supportive is not someone you can count on.

"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

I'm so sorry about your friend, @Teddie.

I have had many of the same types of experiences regarding people telling me that I have no reason to be depressed. It makes you feel even worse when you realize that someone you thought you could count on to be supportive is not someone you can count on.

Thank you for your kindness, @mistriTsquirrel.

And the second part of what you said -- oh yes -- I certainly know what you mean. The things I could tell you about turning to those i trusted and how I have been let down. I have almost come to expect it now.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I was going to share my POV, then I wasn't as it seems it's gone sideways already, but I will anyway. Maybe somebody else can relate and not feel so alone -

I have had to constantly work on this. When I was in therapy, my psychologist gave me some excellent tools. This has been invaluable.

When stuff goes wrong, I get that dialogue in my head almost instantly, like it's visceral - my so-called mother must have been right. I AM worthless. I don't deserve better, and I should not have been born.

It's taken a lot of work to stay out of that hole but I also have to keep up the work because you don't just come away from all those years of negative conditioning overnight. When I see it coming I try to just snap myself out of it and come back to the world of actual facts and reality.

I don't really care for little sayings, or cliches (especially cliches!! ugh), but I do go for pure, clinical facts. Those facts dispute all the horrible things she drilled into me and names she called me. The longer you do it, the better you get at it, but I don't know if it ever goes away completely, especially if this has been your conditioning throughout all of your formative years. These things become a part of you. But it is possible to cast them aside, in lieu of the reality in which you live now. (not saying it's easy - it's NOT)

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

I can not tell you how timely this thread is. I have been trying to learn this for a year now and bought some books about it.

I had an eye opening experience a week after breaking my wrist to the point of tears and it's real hard to make me cry. It's amazing what others, especially those closest to you, can do to you.

I started following and filling my social media feeds with positive thought posts and encouragement. If you search positive thought or inspiration, they are easy to find. I think it's helped me just reading something good every day. I have to say I find more kindness these days in strangers online than I do with the real flesh and blood all around me every day.

My positive thought today is that it's almost 5pm, I am off tomorrow from work, and the next day my cast comes off. Oh and no family until 7/19.

I hope everyone steals some peace over the next few days and finds a smile or two in their day.

mistriTsquirrel · ‎07-17-2010

@Teddie wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

I'm so sorry about your friend, @Teddie.

I have had many of the same types of experiences regarding people telling me that I have no reason to be depressed. It makes you feel even worse when you realize that someone you thought you could count on to be supportive is not someone you can count on.

Thank you for your kindness, @mistriTsquirrel.

And the second part of what you said -- oh yes -- I certainly know what you mean. The things I could tell you about turning to those i trusted and how I have been let down. I have almost come to expect it now.

@Teddie Me too. It would be nice to be able to assume that people are mostly good, but experience can get in the way of that. I still give people the benefit of the doubt though, and then when they hurt me I kick myself for allowing trust to build up.

"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@Teddie wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

I'm so sorry about your friend, @Teddie.

I have had many of the same types of experiences regarding people telling me that I have no reason to be depressed. It makes you feel even worse when you realize that someone you thought you could count on to be supportive is not someone you can count on.

Thank you for your kindness, @mistriTsquirrel.

And the second part of what you said -- oh yes -- I certainly know what you mean. The things I could tell you about turning to those i trusted and how I have been let down. I have almost come to expect it now.
@Teddie Me too. It would be nice to be able to assume that people are mostly good, but experience can get in the way of that. I still give people the benefit of the doubt though, and then when they hurt me I kick myself for allowing trust to build up.

@mistriTsquirrel I know. And I'm very sorry so many people have let you down. It's not right. 😕

FashionFran · ‎12-26-2013

I'm glad to find this! Concentrate on the positive and seek & find gratitude every day ~ it changes us. It works but it's easier and comes more natural for some and harder for some. Do NOT feel bad if it takes effort ~ it IS worth it my friends.

Negative self talk also changes us. There are people who hold resentment, negativity, dwell in grudges, self pity, they expect & plan for only bad things and assume the worst of people, & they wallow in the hurts of past because they get more sympathy if they do and the sympathy feels good. My therapists say its the 'payoff of victimhood' and it blocks progress and keeps us 'stuck'. People aren't always consciously aware they're doing it but it happens. It's normal short term but unhealthy long term.

So any of us can find gratitude every day even if it is in the tiniest things. I know personally of bad things and bad people, very bad. I grew up in very bad surroundings I can't talk about here with abuse and have chronic illness since my teens and it's been a struggle ~ I am in individual therapy & group therapy and some days are better than others. Good thoughts to all. This is a nice blog. Thank you.