Need advice on dealing with a bad patient/family i... - Page 6

Coquille · ‎07-20-2011

@Laura14 Don't forget about watching GH. That will make you roll your eyes and give you some laughs, as always! Take care!

Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Coquille I've about given that one up. There is only so much garbage I can take in my life right now!

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

Sounds like your Mom and her husband are a bit difficult. Maybe after this they will get doctors closer to home.

Also I would call the sister and tell her to feel free to come and help. Even better, tell her to come and help and stay at your place and help pay the rent. Then you go off to a nice hotel and enjoy the ammenities.

Honestly I have to deal with a lot for my parents and if someone told me I needed to do more or I was't doing it right they would have my boot up somewhere that they couldn't see it.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

Was the surgery performed laparoscopically? Otherwise, since I assume she’s at least in her 60s, she’s probably not going to feel back to normal for a few weeks. Maybe she’ll be more confident, and want to return home, if the doctor tells her she’s doing well and can safely travel.

As to the baby sister, I’d ignore her.

Weren’t you talking about moving into a city environment, @Laura14? Get packing😏

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@tansywrote:
Was the surgery performed laparoscopically? Otherwise, since I assume she’s at least in her 60s, she’s probably not going to feel back to normal for a few weeks. Maybe she’ll be more confident, and want to return home, if the doctor tells her she’s doing well and can safely travel.

As to the baby sister, I’d ignore her.

Weren’t you talking about moving into a city environment, @Laura14? Get packing😏

@tansy It was and I am already collecting boxes!

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14....Would it be possible for you and your sisters to have a sit down with your mom? The three of you need/should do this together and all be on the same page.

As far as having to live in you room, that is just ridiculous it's your house, mom can go to her room if she wants alone time.

I am sorry this is happening, I know when my mom was ill and dying we siblings got along pretty well as far as her care went. I was the only one that was able to be there a lot, (3 hour drive). I don't have kids and we were self employed, so it was easier for me to take over but when I needed help the others did step up..... it was after she was gone when the $&*+ hit the fan.....

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@Laura14

Sounds as though several of us had the same Mom!

As I mentioned here, no, sibs for me. But I did have said surgery at age 36.

Many women voiced the following to me:

”But, you won’t be a woman anymore”, “Your husband will lose interest in you” , “Men will no longer find you attractive”. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.

Sad as it seems, many women seem to believe this ‘stuff’.

I was glad for the surgery, had been in so much pain for so long. But perhaps your Mom is of the same mind, as those I mentioned. If so, this may play a part, especially as hubby has left the stage.

Wish you all the best!

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Mom2Dogswrote:
@Laura14....Would it be possible for you and your sisters to have a sit down with your mom? The three of you need/should do this together and all be on the same page.

As far as having to live in you room, that is just ridiculous it's your house, mom can go to her room if she wants alone time.

I am sorry this is happening, I know when my mom was ill and dying we siblings got along pretty well as far as her care went. I was the only one that was able to be there a lot, (3 hour drive). I don't have kids and we were self employed, so it was easier for me to take over but when I needed help the others did step up..... it was after she was gone when the $&*+ hit the fan.....

@Mom2Dogs That is totally what needs to happen but I am afraid right now everyone is too caught up in their own personal pain to do that. I was hoping to at least have a conversation with my mother but she has taken your advice and shut herself in her room. Hopefully she is sleeping and healing.

We do have a family birthday this weekend. Maybe that will help dispel some of this ill will. We'll see. Hopefully this is a one day or two implosion and everyone will find their senses again.

kitcat51 · ‎09-15-2016

@Laura14wrote:
@kitcat51wrote:
@Laura14wrote:
@kitcat51wrote:
If your mom only wants to spend time with your baby sister then let her, simlpy back away & behind the scene ask your baby sister what you can do through her to help your mom. Don't take things personally, let your mom get back on her feet before trying to work out whatever is going on...been there, done that & it's never easy. Best wishes.
That what myself and my other sister have done. The issue is baby sister is tired of it and wants us to step in more because we are not doing our part according to her.

I am really restraining myself. I find it funny this is the first time my sisters have been asked to make major sacrifices in their own lives for our mother and they can't handle it. I've done it most of my life including not even having a home of my own for the past 15 years but they can't handle one week of post op.
I'm sorry I didn't understand that..what part is your baby sister unhappy with? My mom wanted only my brother with her & his help so I did the shopping, meals, made Dr appointments & anything else that needed to be done behind the scene so she wouldn't know I was involved. My brother felt he was being taken advantage of, he just didn't want to spend so much the time with her or have the responsibility & was very angry with me. The whole situation was difficult, I wouldn't wish what we went through on my worst enemy.
Same thing @kitcat51. Baby sister feels exactly like your brother. She doesn't understand that we can't really step up and help if we keep being pushed away in favor of her.

Every family situation is different but I'll share what helped my brother & I get on the same page. I wrote down everything I did, the time it took & the what cash came out of my pocket in just a week for our mom that my brother didn't think about..the shopping trips, cooking meals, the laundry, handling the bills, Dr appts, insurance, meds & on & on...that made him realize that I was doing alot & I acknowledged he was too but there were still disagreements.When Mom got back on her feet she never explained her actions but we got a glimpse of what the future would & did hold. I know it's hard but keep trying to work together even though you want to just throw your hands in the air, yell & walk away....Boy, I remember those times. Wishing your family well.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@Laura14- You can only do what you can do. No more, no less. If mom prefers her baby girl then baby girl has to deal with it. She can't have it both ways. Sounds like you're the single daughter. Sometimes, singles get a lot more thrown at them because the marrieds are busy with their families. Again you can only do what you can do and from your posts, you have been present.