Need advice on dealing with a bad patient/family i... - Page 4

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

@Laura14..................since she is only 2 weeks post op then her body is still adjusting, a lot of women get cranky during that time. Hopefully it was ease as she heals. You need to do some very deep hard thinking and work on getting your life they way you want it. I wish you the best.

LIFE IS TO SHORT TOO FOLD FITTED SHEETS

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@NycVixen Done!

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Imaoldhippiewrote:
@Laura14..................since she is only 2 weeks post op then her body is still adjusting, a lot of women get cranky during that time. Hopefully it was ease as she heals. You need to do some very deep hard thinking and work on getting your life they way you want it. I wish you the best.

@Imaoldhippie Thank you for the insight. And you have no idea on the rest. I am carrying ibuprofen for the headaches in my purse. Great advice!

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@YorkieonmyPillowwrote:
@Laura14 Ignore Baby Sister.
If she doesn't approve of the care you're giving Mom, then she can drag her butt over and do it herself.
If not, then she needs to STFU and sit down.
JMO

@YorkieonmyPillow That's exactly where I am. Baby Sister is a drama queen just like mom can be. She made a ridiculous assertion that my other sister and I have basically thrown our mother out of our lives and she's it now.

I told her to take a breath since she knows that's not true and then ended it with mom needs to start communicating better and tough out the rest that no one can help her with even if we wanted to.

I find that kind of talk ridiculously funny since mom has lived with me and been taken care of by me in some capacity off and on for the past 15 years. Just not worth responding to.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@Laura14wrote:
@Drythewrote:
@Laura14

As an only child I have no sibling advice.

However I did have a needy, demanding mother. Are you still paying rent while she is there? Just curious.

I would call her Dr tell him things are not going well and ask him to prescribe a social work assessment from home health with an eye towards getting Mom on her feet and on the way home.

@Drythe I have always paid rent and taken care of the upkeep to the point I broke my wrist last summer trying to do it all. My obligations there are more than met.

@Laura14

I didn’t mean to offend, only to assure that your living arrangements are secure until you were ready to make a move.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Drythewrote:
@Laura14wrote:
@Drythewrote:
@Laura14

As an only child I have no sibling advice.

However I did have a needy, demanding mother. Are you still paying rent while she is there? Just curious.

I would call her Dr tell him things are not going well and ask him to prescribe a social work assessment from home health with an eye towards getting Mom on her feet and on the way home.

@Drythe I have always paid rent and taken care of the upkeep to the point I broke my wrist last summer trying to do it all. My obligations there are more than met.
@Laura14

I didn’t mean to offend, only to assure that your living arrangements are secure until you were ready to make a move.

Oh @Drythe you didn't! I am sorry it came across that way. My apologies. I can use all the good advice I can get these days. My life is a mess as you can read. Thank you for caring and responding back.

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

I completely understand the situation.

Your baby sister is still under your mom's spell of she can't do no wrong. You and your sister are the bad guys. Feel empathy for her as she still has the blindfold on. One day, she'll see the light. Anything negative you say about your mom will set her off. Try to measure your words as best as possible. She's still in the I'm mommy's daughter phase. Just try to ignore her; she hasn't assimilated the truth and if your mother is like mine, she trained all of you to adore and cater to her regardless of her actions. She's behaving as she was told to do.

Your other sister is full throttle in the my mom is no saint stage and she has done me wrong. She's seething with anger over what happened over the holidays and in the past and can't empathize with your mother even though she had surgery. She's not a bad person. She probably will never get an apology from your mother etc. so she can't move past it. She needs IMO to not be around you mom right now. She's in pain and can only inflict more pain.

You are somewhere between these stages. You see your mother for who she is but can still care for her regardless. You are the only one that can really help your mom without stirring the pot. IMO tamper down the motherly criticism and try to ignore your sisters. Just don't continue the conversation if it's not productive. Disengage and as I said before, tell your sisters if they can't rise to the occasion, be mature and help out, to leave.

Once you stop answering and caring what they say it will be over. Then focus on dealing with your mother's drama while she gets better. She did have surgery. Try to focus on her good attributes and be positive. Take control of the situation by not adding to the drama. Your mom is still your mom and she needs help. I know when the time comes, I will be there for mine and I will have to deal with my sibling's drama but my focus will be on being mature and getting it done. Good luck.

~Live with Intention~

kitcat51 · ‎09-15-2016

@Laura14wrote:
@kitcat51wrote:
If your mom only wants to spend time with your baby sister then let her, simlpy back away & behind the scene ask your baby sister what you can do through her to help your mom. Don't take things personally, let your mom get back on her feet before trying to work out whatever is going on...been there, done that & it's never easy. Best wishes.
That what myself and my other sister have done. The issue is baby sister is tired of it and wants us to step in more because we are not doing our part according to her.

I am really restraining myself. I find it funny this is the first time my sisters have been asked to make major sacrifices in their own lives for our mother and they can't handle it. I've done it most of my life including not even having a home of my own for the past 15 years but they can't handle one week of post op.

I'm sorry I didn't understand that..what part is your baby sister unhappy with? My mom wanted only my brother with her & his help so I did the shopping, meals, made Dr appointments & anything else that needed to be done behind the scene so she wouldn't know I was involved. My brother felt he was being taken advantage of, he just didn't want to spend so much the time with her or have the responsibility & was very angry with me. The whole situation was difficult, I wouldn't wish what we went through on my worst enemy.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@kitcat51wrote:
@Laura14wrote:
@kitcat51wrote:
If your mom only wants to spend time with your baby sister then let her, simlpy back away & behind the scene ask your baby sister what you can do through her to help your mom. Don't take things personally, let your mom get back on her feet before trying to work out whatever is going on...been there, done that & it's never easy. Best wishes.
That what myself and my other sister have done. The issue is baby sister is tired of it and wants us to step in more because we are not doing our part according to her.

I am really restraining myself. I find it funny this is the first time my sisters have been asked to make major sacrifices in their own lives for our mother and they can't handle it. I've done it most of my life including not even having a home of my own for the past 15 years but they can't handle one week of post op.
I'm sorry I didn't understand that..what part is your baby sister unhappy with? My mom wanted only my brother with her & his help so I did the shopping, meals, made Dr appointments & anything else that needed to be done behind the scene so she wouldn't know I was involved. My brother felt he was being taken advantage of, he just didn't want to spend so much the time with her or have the responsibility & was very angry with me. The whole situation was difficult, I wouldn't wish what we went through on my worst enemy.

Same thing @kitcat51. Baby sister feels exactly like your brother. She doesn't understand that we can't really step up and help if we keep being pushed away in favor of her.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@NycVixen Wow, thank you so, so much. You really nailed a lot of insight into what's going on here. Much appreciated and I will try and take your words to me to heart.