Re: Need a "transformation" of sorts....

Still Raining · ‎03-30-2014

My sympathy for the loss of DH. It shakes up your life for sure.

Based on what I passed through, it sounds like you are beginning to move on to make a new life. It is not disloyal, he would want you to have your remaining time full of pleasure.

Look around and see interests you and give it a whirl!

Best wishes.

wifey2qt · ‎06-10-2015

Thank you! You are all very kind for taking the time to offer your words of wisdom & advice. Reading your responses really helped put some things into perspective and actually made me feel a bit better. I know I am certainly not alone in my situation......and it is a part of life, but boy it just sucks! LOL .... no other way to put it!

Seriously, I don't know any of you, you are total strangers, but please know that you did make a difference in someone's life today

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@wifey2qt When my dear friend was suddenly widowed at a young age, (60) she attended a class at church...I was surprised that she went but she really enjoyed it. I don't know all that goes on in the class but she said it really helped her.

Your loss is still very new, but you should not feel guilty if you decide to date, or even marry again..it will all come in time.

The friend I mentioned has children that she is very close to...sometimes so close that there is not time for 'friends'. I don't have children, so sometimes I don't understand that need to always be with the adult kids. I hope you have good friends that you can spend time with or lean on, if not I'd probably find a therapist if you feel stuck.

take care.

michmi · ‎12-15-2020

I'm coming in late on this, but I also wanted to let you know how sorry I am on the loss of your husband. Of course, it's a life-changing event. I also think that while you say it's a year this month, you need to be kinder to yourself and allow your grief to take however long it's going to take. When you have lost your life partner, a year is such a short time. The pandemic has also kept you from being able to go out and do things the way we might have (support groups, grief groups) and I also would encourage you to join a group when one is available again.

Take your time. There is no timeline on grief. I won't say it gets better, but it will become more bearable in time. I think bearable is the best we can do.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

So sorry for your loss. Read that you're ready to get on to the next chapter of your life. My feeling is just take it one thing at a time. There's no rush, I hope. I do wish you luck and taking the next step is in your favor. One day at a time, and best wishes. Life does go on.

Growing · ‎07-12-2020

I am very sorry for your loss. This pandemic has also been a loss, we've lost our independence and sense of security. Some of us have had loved ones get very sick or die of Covid-19. Others of us have gotten sick ourselves and may suffer from the after effects. We've also had a lot of fear last year, so much fear based information on the news. So this all rolls up into one for some of us.

You are in a transition right now. The old life is gone and the new life beckons. You might consider not putting a must or should label on this time. If you want to transform something in your life, what about making a list of all the things you always wanted to do. Maybe it is go to Hawaii or paint the bedroom. Start a transformation with yourself by getting a new haircut and attractive clothes if you have not been doing this. Take everything in small steps and plan out your plan of attack. If you want to start exercising, don't jump in trying to do a lot all at once. Pick something and just do it, like walking around your neighborhood or dancing to music in your living room. There are lots of book clubs on zoom. If you go to church, many churches have classes and support groups. Take that list of always wanted and cross out things one by one. Give this plan 3-6 months before regrouping and seeing if you want to go a different route. You can also get a spiral notebook and start a handwritten journal. Handwriting it helps get the brain out of ruminating mode and has been researched to lessen depression and make going to sleep easier if you do it in the evening. Write out your feelings and if you don't have the words for feelings, google a list of feeling words. Read through those and pick out a few that fit that day. I wish you the best!

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

@Growing wrote:
I am very sorry for your loss. This pandemic has also been a loss, we've lost our independence and sense of security. Some of us have had loved ones get very sick or die of Covid-19. Others of us have gotten sick ourselves and may suffer from the after effects. We've also had a lot of fear last year, so much fear based information on the news. So this all rolls up into one for some of us.

You are in a transition right now. The old life is gone and the new life beckons. You might consider not putting a must or should label on this time. If you want to transform something in your life, what about making a list of all the things you always wanted to do. Maybe it is go to Hawaii or paint the bedroom. Start a transformation with yourself by getting a new haircut and attractive clothes if you have not been doing this. Take everything in small steps and plan out your plan of attack. If you want to start exercising, don't jump in trying to do a lot all at once. Pick something and just do it, like walking around your neighborhood or dancing to music in your living room. There are lots of book clubs on zoom. If you go to church, many churches have classes and support groups. Take that list of always wanted and cross out things one by one. Give this plan 3-6 months before regrouping and seeing if you want to go a different route. You can also get a spiral notebook and start a handwritten journal. Handwriting it helps get the brain out of ruminating mode and has been researched to lessen depression and make going to sleep easier if you do it in the evening. Write out your feelings and if you don't have the words for feelings, google a list of feeling words. Read through those and pick out a few that fit that day. I wish you the best!

This is such great advice.

And I agree with everyone's statements that there is no one way to handle grief. No set timeline or rules. Having infinite understanding and compassion for yourself, like a good mother has for her children, is so important.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

Snoofy · ‎12-19-2018

@wifey2qt wrote:
I need a change big time! 2020 was a terrible year...not just because of the obvious hell we have all witnessed globally, but personally for me because I lost my husband after 32 years. It will be a year since he passed this month. I'm moving on as best as I can, but I feel so stuck too! I turned 54 two months ago and I feel like I am in some weird pergatory. I feel too young to be old, but too old to be young if that makes any sense...There is a part of me that is desperate to move forward with life, but I also feel like I need to enter this next stage as a new "me"..
Looking for any words of wisdom / advice from anyone who has gone thru something like this or can relate.

so sorry about your loss @wifey2qt . 🙏💓