Wellness

[lindalu]

I need some helpful input into my situation to help me handle this problem....

My husband has property almost 500 mile away from our families and medical facilities, He is always insistent that we live there for 6 months of the year.May or June to Nov.This was all well and good for the last 10 years.

Now he has many medical problems that are progressing to he needs a lot of medical attention. Beside all of this he is having memory and decision problems.He gets terribly upset because he is not able to handle the mechanics(lawn mower,leaf blower or anything mechanical) and usually most of the anger is somehow directed in my direction.

Being 500 miles all by myself and having to handle all of this is almost driving me to distraction. He is very controlling and getting worse. He is 82 and I am 72 and my health is not that good either. He has NO consideration for me and my health at all and it is very upsetting for me to be worrying about this from now until May or June. I know a lot can happen by then and I may be worrying needlessly..

He has children but one has mental problems and is of no help. The other is a son almost a clone of him and sees nothing wrong. He has a sister and says I should put him in a home.... He listens to no one. Does whatever he wants.

Thanks for listening .

[lolakimono]

Can you sell the other property?

[lindalu]

OH God No . that is his kids inheritance and his wife is buried there.....

[TeezNu]

I feel your pain, and am so sorry. For the last 5 years, I have been struggling with 90+ year old parents through advancing stages of physical and mental impairment. Saving grace has been the loss of mobility, as they are less able to endanger themselves and others. I would strongly suggest that you seek out advice and assistance from your local Adult Protective services office. This stage of life will require you to muster up a great deal of personal strength to make some tough decisions, but PLEASE do not allow this person to destroy your remaining years. Best of luck to you.

[151949]

You need to tell him you are absolutely NOT going away anywhere with him and stick to your guns. It does sound as though you need to be thinking seriously about placing him in an assisted living facility - wheather or not you go with him- because you are having difficulty dealing with him at home alone.

[LexPex]

This sounds like a dangerous situation for both of you. I would tell him that you are not going....period. Perhaps his clone son would be willing to take a mini vacation with your DH and go away to this home for a week or two.

This also doesn't sound like a man you could force into assisted living etc. Unless you are physically glued to him, you need to take care of YOU so make plans to stay home if he decides he has to go

[RedTop]

My opinion is that since your husbands progressive medical problems have seriously impacted his ability to function as well as he did in the past, it is time to let go of living in the second home for extended periods of time. I would explain his situation to his medical doctor, and push for an overall assessment that helps you fully understand the extent of his issues, and then make whatever decisions you need to from that medical documentation. Based on your words, it does not sound safe for you to be shouldering all the responsibility when you two are so far away at this second home. Very best wishes to you in this worrisome situation.

[jubilant]

Your DH could also have dementia at his age which could easily escalate his controlling behavior. If he is having more and more memory problems and erratic behavior he should not, in my opinion, be making these kind of decisions. If he is getting this angry towards you.... you need to protect yourself both emotionally and physically from his bullying. That may mean having him evaluated and put in a home if necessary. In this situation, it seems to me, your emotional and physical well being should come first.

[Lacey1]

I would suggest that you contact a lawyer and his doctor to find out what options you have. If he is not able to make decisions, (or drive)-you may have to petition the courts based on doctor's recommendations.

[GCR18]

My mother went through something similar with my father during his last couple years. Every winter they'd head to their winter home and my mother grew to hate going. After he passed, first change we made was selling the property. I think you need outside support to help you work through this. The suggestion above is a good place to start.