My Anorexia Experience

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

I need some advice.

I'm a 33 year survivor of anorexia nervosa. I suffered from this disease back in 1979 - 1982, it started my final year of high school prior to leaving home for college.

At first, and back then, I didn't know what I was doing had a name or was a disease. I was deathly afraid of getting fat and leaving home. As many of you might know, anorexia (and all eating disorders) are not about "fitting into a dress" or "dieting," it's about lack of control in your life and irrational fears of losing your childhood. I was a lucky one. My college roommate had suffered severly from anorexia many years prior, and she saw what I was doing and basically "scared me straight" to stop what I was doing to myself.

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting a lovely woman through a mutual friend. I recently lost my father, and we bonded over our grief. This lady lost her daughter to anorexia about a year ago. I just recently found out about how she died.

I wanted to ask those of you on this site and forum if you think it would be a good idea or bad idea to tell her about my past issues with the disease. I feel such a special bond with her daughter because of what we both shared, and I know what the loss must feel like to her mother. I thought it might help her to understand her dear daughter's suffering from a personal perspective. Although, I don't want to make her pain worse.

I always have felt that going through that insidious disease had some meaning in my life to maybe help someone else touched by it. But, I'm unsure if I should share this with my new friend.

Thank you for your advice in advance.

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. We just have to figure out what that reason is.

First of all I want to tell you that I respect and admire you for what you've been able to overcome. It could not have been easy and must have taken a lot of work to overcome what I understand is very much a misunderstood disease. I would think (based on what I've read) you would have to be so strong because not only are you working on yourself but you have so many people who misunderstand and would probably be telling you, "just eat, what's the problem". I can't imagine.

You sound like a sensitive, intelligent person. I would only say to you that I think you should give it a little time. As you get to know this person better you will know the answer to your question. There are several ways she could feel after your reveal. You don't need me to go into them.

It is for that reason I would advise you to spend time with her, get to know her and her family well and once you do, you will decide on your on how to help her (and maybe her family). The death of a child is the worst thing that can happen to a person. She might still be dealing with the death itself, not necessarily how or why she died.

It is for that reason, again, I'd advise you to spend time with her and you'll know your own answer.

Please one day come on here and give us a short summary on how you came to your decision. I think we here on this QVC forum are lucky to have someone of your tenacity corresponding with us here on these boards. Annabellethecat.

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

Sorry, I meant to put this in the Among Friends forum as it doesn't really apply here.

Thanks for anyone who responds.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

You are to be commended on getting well.

About the lady and her dtr.: I would wait until you know her better and then you will know when it is the right time to open up about your illness.

Good luck.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I have a very good friend who has anorexia. She has a therapist who she feels is wonderful. However, she can be doing quite well then any thing that is a problem in her life and she very easily slips right back into her disease. Right now she is experiencing some health issues (unrelated to anorexia) and she has slipped - she is down to about 95 pounds, so she is off to the therapist. At least she is able to recognize when this is happening and she seeks help.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

In your converstaions in the future, I am sure that you can share your experience with you friend. But I would wait until the conversation flows in that direction.

A dear friend of mine tragically lost her daughter. And sometimes she freely talks about her daughter and sometimes her daughter is not mentioned. It took years for her to get to this place - that she can talk about her daughter. So on the subject of her daughter - I let her pick the pace.

I would hate to think that when you share your insight, that every time she gets together with you, she will associate you and her daughter's passing away.

PS I watched a special last night on the Carpenters. It was hosted by Richard Carpenter. How sad to watch such a talented woman slip away.

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

@drizzellla wrote:
In your converstaions in the future, I am sure that you can share your experience with you friend. But I would wait until the conversation flows in that direction.

A dear friend of mine tragically lost her daughter. And sometimes she freely talks about her daughter and sometimes her daughter is not mentioned. It took years for her to get to this place - that she can talk about her daughter. So on the subject of her daughter - I let her pick the pace.

I would hate to think that when you share your insight, that every time she gets together with you, she will associate you and her daughter's passing away.

PS I watched a special last night on the Carpenters. It was hosted by Richard Carpenter. How sad to watch such a talented woman slip away.

Thank you for the good advice. I really appreciate it.

I also saw the Carpenters special on PBS last night. Ironically, I was a huge fan of Karen's as a kid. I had every album and would sing with every song, trying to capture Karen's voice inflictions. When I found out she passed away from complications of anorexia years later, it was eye opening for me. I loved her and was drawn to her for a reason. We shared the same pain, it's as if I felt a kindred spirit in her.

My friend does talk about her daughter. In fact, she keeps telling me to go to her daughter's blog where her daughter shared some of her personal writings. I hope one day I can talk to her about it.

Thanks so much for all the kind words.

esmeraldagooch · ‎03-10-2010

Thank you for your post on an important subject. Many here read but don't post responses. You may have helped someone you will never know with this problem.

I do agree with the others about holding back for now. If the young woman was alive and suffering, I would have another response.