Wellness

[granddi]

We have been told about the importance of socialization for maintaining strong mental health. I think I am seeing this played out with a couple in assisted living.

He is an 80 extrovert, retired professional who moved to assisted living due to his 75 yo wife needing help due to advanced medical issues. About 2 years ago Carol (made up names) told me that she suspected Jack having memory issues. During the last 18 months they have been "on lock down" for weeks at a time due to covid outbreak concerns. His condition has worsened very quickly. Carol said the lock downs have caused her husband serious mental harm.

Jack stays in bed well into the afternoon, angers easily and complains about living in a prision. His condition is depressing to his wife and this and the revolving lock downs are taking a toll. During lock downs they are confined to their apartments with meals and services in the private living spaces. The common areas are not accessible. 

I have contacted several old friends to remind them to call and say Hi and just keep in touch. Please remember friends and loved ones who might be in similar situations. 

[on the bay]

This is so sad and yes depressing.

I do think there are things the place can do to ease this.

When my mother was in lock down in her facility, I got permission to stay with her when she had covd. We had to stay in her room, but we were together.

Later when the whole facility locked down, they would have the residents sit in a chair right outside their door and they could still play bingo as a caretaker called out the letters from  the hall. They were all wearing masks and more than 6 feet apart.

They could also do exercises this way.

It takes a lot of creativity to come up with things.

They also instigated zooms in the residents room. The family wold sign up for a day and time and the creative director would go to their room and work the zoom for the resident.

Things like that. It helped a lot.

[manny2]

Covid has redefined how we live. Isolation is not good for mental health. I do think your friends memory problems have probably escalated because of a dementia. This is a very hard diagnosis to deal with. 

I worked with dementia patients for over 20 years, and I saw how incredibly difficult it was on both patient and family. 

[Kachina624]

While these people in facilities may be isolated, think about the millions of us who have been prisioners in our own homes with no social contact at all for almost two years.  We don't have caretakers and, since many of us are single, see no human at all.  Thank God for pets. Why do you think so many of us come to this board so often or stay so long? You can talk to the same few people on the phone only so much.  Many of us have small families and friends who have died or are gone from our lives. The only person who has been in my home during the pandemic is the AC repair guy.  My closest relative is almost 2,000 miles away.  There is no "place" or any person concerned about our welfare.   Yes, it's darned depressing to have to live like this. 

[CelticCrafter]

My in-laws live in an (independent?) assisted living facility, their meals and housekeeping are provided but they have to be able to take care of themselves.  Should the time come when they are not able to care for themselves they would need to move out.

Having said that, they do treat them like they are nursing home residents.

If anyone went out for Christmas Eve and Day, NY Eve and Day, they couldn't leave their living space for 3 days.

Everyone has to be tested once a week. 

The only daily activities are boring - cards, bingo and book club with an occasional very child like arts and crafts project thrown in.

They pay almost $6,000 a month for this.  

I used to tell my daughter, don't feel guilty and do not put her life on hold to take care of one or both of us.  I'm starting to rethink that.

[teganslaw]

The whole situation is bad. 

Kachina, I  read about your state's restrictions being extended. I have a feeling the emotional issues coming out of these mandates will be just as bad (or worse) than the virus itself. 

[granddi]

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@CelticCrafter wrote:

My in-laws live in an (independent?) assisted living facility, their meals and housekeeping are provided but they have to be able to take care of themselves.  Should the time come when they are not able to care for themselves they would need to move out.

Having said that, they do treat them like they are nursing home residents.

If anyone went out for Christmas Eve and Day, NY Eve and Day, they couldn't leave their living space for 3 days.

Everyone has to be tested once a week. 

The only daily activities are boring - cards, bingo and book club with an occasional very child like arts and crafts project thrown in.

They pay almost $6,000 a month for this.  

I used to tell my daughter, don't feel guilty and do not put her life on hold to take care of one or both of us.  I'm starting to rethink that.

I wonder if a senior independent living apartment actually exists? There are 55+ apartments but really not for 75 yo. 

Our friends live in an urban upscale facility. It is expensive-first class- but lacks important outdoor space. Several years they remarked that they don't keep jewelry, cash in the apartment and chuckled that "they" don't steal much but just being careful! How terrible is this!

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[on the bay]

@CelticCrafter,

I felt the same about several of the places my mother was in mostly independent, and later assisted.

Each of us and her nieces and sisters, grandkids, children all wanted her to live with us/them but changing states and moving was all so overwhelming for her she just wouldn't.

My conclusion when I would stay with her was that these places present themselves as such wonderful places but to me and also to her a lot,

they can be like prisons with lots of things, activities, food, caretakers that aren't always so great. 

Or just overpriced rooms that offer things you can get for free with all or more amenities at regular apartments.

There may not be the 3 meals a day at an apt (which you don't always like anyway),

but sometimes so much nicer than some of these, if not needing a lot of assistance.

My mother stopped the housecleaning at the facility because the woman never even got the crumbs up on the kitchen floor and they weren't allowed to dust by mngmt.

I guess also knowing this could be the last place they live when they don't like it and are paying $5-6,000/mo, can be very depressing. They may try to make the best of it

but its a daily struggle and that wears on anyone.

But yes again there are many with no one. I'm lucky I have and help half of my children and grandchildren but I also try to "commune" with lots of animal friends wild and domestic.

And when often quarantining, for the first time in my life, I could get lonely too. That is why I like the idea of an apt for me anyway, not a house with no one around or a neighbor or 2 if you like them and all the responsibility and uncertainty of what could go wrong next in a house esp if you live alone.

It is a very different road for all of us.

[phoenixbrd]

I think many resonate with Jack's condition given our current state of affairs...not necessarily suffering from dementia but doing their best not to be depressed by the isolation, inflation, crime, etc.  I have respect for those who refuse to give in to fear and commit to developing, growing, and giving in spite of our current environment.

[Sooner]

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@CelticCrafter wrote:

My in-laws live in an (independent?) assisted living facility, their meals and housekeeping are provided but they have to be able to take care of themselves.  Should the time come when they are not able to care for themselves they would need to move out.

Having said that, they do treat them like they are nursing home residents.

If anyone went out for Christmas Eve and Day, NY Eve and Day, they couldn't leave their living space for 3 days.

Everyone has to be tested once a week. 

The only daily activities are boring - cards, bingo and book club with an occasional very child like arts and crafts project thrown in.

They pay almost $6,000 a month for this.  

I used to tell my daughter, don't feel guilty and do not put her life on hold to take care of one or both of us.  I'm starting to rethink that.

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@CelticCrafter Don't rethink it.  Your daughter deserves a life.