Wellness

[Yesyesyes568]

What about someone like Me that's Disabled. And is expectected to be Caretaker. I'm on Oxygen and on a multitude of MEDS, I have enough trouble with bone on bone with a terrible back condition and the list keeps on going, and my mother really never had bad health nor did she ever understand my health. I do feel for her at 86 yrs of age but she's in a much better financial position than I. I'm actually on a very limited low income. but now she expects this of me and after only one week I'm getting ill" I'm at my wits end over this. No, she doesn't have dimmentia, she is however selfish. For example, she's living in a large 5 bedroom house by herself and I've been divorced for 30 years, so when I got ill 7 years ago it took a lot for me to ask her if I could move in with her and she said no, because she said we get along not living together. I was paying 2 rents for years and years because I had my own small BUISNESS and an apartment. Now she's not driving and I offered to buy her car, because my car's fan motor caught on fire last month. She again turned me down. Yet she is on a walker and will probably never drive again. I understand its her decision and her rights. But what about mine. And I'm talking about my health. How do I handle this when she doesn't get IT. I'm seeing my Dr Friday and I'm hopefully he can help but I don't know..... Don't get me wrong I do Love my Mother, I want some good advice and I want to be fair. I'm trying not to get sick here and I'm scared.

[Yesyesyes568]

On 12/3/2014 Jeremiah 2911 said:

What you've written about your mom's behavior sounds somewhat normal, in my opinion, especially if your mom is on any medications. Medicines kick in and cause one type of behavior and then when they cycle through the body, another type of behavior takes over.

The older people in our family displayed the same type of sleeping pattern you've described even without being diagnosed with any type of dementia. I think this might be due to diminishing amounts of natural melatonin from a worn out pineal gland.

Just a precaution to you: In my experience with elderly people, each time the doctor prescribed a new medication we had a new symptom to deal with. Some of these medications that elderly people are routinely prescribed can cause more side effects than the original problem.

For instance, my MIL was doing fine until she was prescribed ARICEPT. About one week into the medication she lost her memory and has never fully recovered. We attribute her demise to this drug. I've read several other accounts where people had the same outcome. Of course, there are others who say that Aricept helped their loved one. I would just caution you about some of these drugs.

Here is a link to www.mmlearn.org which posts a lot of helpful videos for caregivers; they are about how to deal with all types of elde rly issues, including dementia. They've been very helpful to me. Just click on the link to videos and find the ones that you think will be helpful. The "Ask the Geriatrician" series is excellent. One of those videos deals with the over-drugging of elderly and that one is very helpful. Don't be concerned about signing up with your email, they will never contact you. They are an excellent organization.

Hope this helps you. All the best to you and your mom.

Thank you for the link. I checked it out and watched a video on the 10 commandments on caretakers and it really was helpful. I needed that. Thank you. Merry Christmas

[stevierocks]

I had the exact same experience as Newnick ame, my mom lived independently with some help from me and then she fell, broke her hip and after surgery was completely different. She also had the same symptoms as OP has mentioned and UTI made it so much worse. She was referred to a neurologist that helped as much as was possible and I would recommend a referral to one in your case.

[onlyshopsonline]

On 12/3/2014 SoX said:

On 12/3/2014 donovan said:

It could be a form of dementia called Lewy Body Dementia, especially with the hallucinations.

Good Luck Gardenman.

I'm thinking the same thing ... not that they aren't all bad, but this particular form of dementia is just the worst, in my opinion.

My dear friend suffers from it ... complete with hallucinations, performing imaginary tasks by rote, thinking someone is stalking her, etc. She doesn't know her own grandchildren, or any of her old friends. This is an awful disease.

I was thinking the exact same thing, regarding Lewy Body Dementia. It is usually accompanied by Parkinson-like symptoms. My MIL had it and the major thing that stood out were the hallucinations.

She would tell us some unusual stories, and we would find "strange" things in her apartment, when the disease first took hold. Sometimes, when we talked to her, her eyes would sort of glaze over for a brief period of time. And, then some days she was lucid.

It was difficult to convince some of her nieces and nephews that she was having issues because, if they didn't see her on a daily basis, they didn't pick up on her symptoms.

Before we got her into nursing care, we were warned by her doctors to exercise extreme caution because sometimes dementia patients...especially those who hallucinate...may not recognize you and could cause you harm. We were given instructions to never turn our back to her. It was a very sad situation.

I think dementia, of any kind, is a horrid disease and a horrid end to one's life.

I'm so sorry you and your mom are dealing with this.

[Campion]

On 12/10/2014 maggie568 said: What about someone like Me that's Disabled. And is expectected to be Caretaker. I'm on Oxygen and on a multitude of MEDS, I have enough trouble with bone on bone with a terrible back condition and the list keeps on going, and my mother really never had bad health nor did she ever understand my health. I do feel for her at 86 yrs of age but she's in a much better financial position than I. I'm actually on a very limited low income. but now she expects this of me and after only one week I'm getting ill" I'm at my wits end over this. No, she doesn't have dimmentia, she is however selfish. For example, she's living in a large 5 bedroom house by herself and I've been divorced for 30 years, so when I got ill 7 years ago it took a lot for me to ask her if I could move in with her and she said no, because she said we get along not living together. I was paying 2 rents for years and years because I had my own small BUISNESS and an apartment. Now she's not driving and I offered to buy her car, because my car's fan motor caught on fire last month. She again turned me down. Yet she is on a walker and will probably never drive again. I understand its her decision and her rights. But what about mine. And I'm talking about my health. How do I handle this when she doesn't get IT. I'm seeing my Dr Friday and I'm hopefully he can help but I don't know..... Don't get me wrong I do Love my Mother, I want some good advice and I want to be fair. I'm trying not to get sick here and I'm scared.

Who says you have to do anything for your mom? We don't have children in order to enslave them for us. If your mom is selfish, she's admirably equipped to take care of herself.

I'd give her a list of services available to pay for care and walk away. If you have a toxic parent, you can't keep absorbing the toxins. Or expecting an alligator to be as cuddly as a kitten. She's an alligator. And you won't get any brownie points in life for catering to her or being victimized by her. You have enough on your own plate and she's demonstrated a complete lack of interest in your needs. So, you are entirely justified to take care of your own interests, not hers and by the way, you sacrificing yourself and your bad back for her won't get her to love you more. In fact, she'll despise you for being "weak."

Have you read "Bad Childhood, Good Life"? It tells you how to handle a toxic parent.

[Yesyesyes568]

Dear Campion, you have no idea what a great big huge shoulder you are. To be, to the point is what I wanted, and there you were. Are you sure you aren't a therapist? Your correct in saying she's an alligator because I've always said she's not warm and fuzzy. And can't get too close to her, that I always had to stay at arms length. That's how I learned to accept who she was. Anyway, I'm going to go now and get that book only because I truly need to read it. Here I am mentally feeling better but my stomach is upset and I know this has Got To Stop! It's not my norm. Thank you for helping me out, I appreciate it immensely. Hope your Hollidays bring you much Happiness