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02-26-2020 07:58 PM
@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:
@Still Raining Bingo is right. I said that's my feeling and what I would do. My sister complains how bad she feels. I don't say squat.
Her daughters are worried about her, as am I. If she ignores medical advise and then proceeds to tell my niece how bad she feels my niece will speak up.
Case in point, today she told me all the meds she has to take, some with food, some without, before bedtime, etc. There must be a ton. Some are, in her words, horse pills and she has trouble getting them down.
She said "well, I'll take the ones I can and not worry about the ones I have trouble taking." Well, okey dokey. No idea of what she is not taking that she needs to improve.
I said zip. Her daughter will speak up. It's hard not to with her attitude.
She is my only sibling and I love her to death, if I thought it would help I'd kick her butt from here to the moon.
Just an FYI, some meds you can get in liquid form. Maybe that would help her. Also, crushing pills helps a great deal when one has trouble swallowing. She might not be aware of these options so just letting you know.
02-26-2020 10:23 PM - edited 02-26-2020 10:25 PM
Since there is a nurse in the family, she should check on what oxygen options there are available for your sister. I agree that adults should be able to choose what they want...but only if they have all the info available and know what their options are. Perhaps being told she needs to go to assisted living so she can be monitored for her oxygen intake would make her think having the oxygen at home would be a lot more desirable than assisted living. I hope she recuperates well. I am sure it is lot to get used to and seems cumbersome some right now..,.but hopefully she will get used to it.
02-27-2020 08:48 AM
At the present, no. After my 1st heart attack, which included Aspiration Pneumonia, I was on oxygen, but only during the time I was sleeping. I was using an Oxygen Concentrator machine, not a portable oxygen machine.
Because of previous Pulmonary Embolism issues, 2 different episodes, this added up to my body not being able to keep my Oxygen Saturation Number higher than the low to mid 70's while sleeping. It was plugged into a regular AC outlet for it's power.
It was not real loud, for me anyways, but it wasn't total silence for sure. I didn't/don't especially like wearing an oxygen cannula, but who does? This was necessary for me until such time as my lungs no longer held fluid and also had completely had recovered from the PE(lung blood clots). This over a period of close to 2 years for me.
I had 3 older sisters, 2 of which have died. 1 had several health issues, breast cancer which 7 years later led to liver cancer. She always took good care of herself and did not need any prompting from me to follow her doctors orders. She died in 1989 of complications from her cancer, she was only 52.
My oldest sister died less than 2 years ago at age 91. She on the other hand never had any serious health issues during her long life, she too died of cancer, which had metastasized throughout her body. She too obviously took good care of her body.
I have 1 remaining older sister that is now 86, and has had a myriad of health issues, including cancer. Her son is a doctor, an Anesthesiologist, and she too takes good care of herself, and always has done so. Her son-in-law is also a GP doctor and her daughter is an RN.
I loved all of my sisters including the only 1 still living. However, as adults I would never get involved in their medical choices, and I still do not. My remaining sister still asks me about certain medical issues she is dealing with, especially ones concerning physical recoveries, of which I have had many. I tell her what I believe is best for her, which is to follow her doctor's orders. What she does is her choice, not mine.
I would be surprised if your sister has not been the way she is now, most of her life. While I loved all my sisters, had they looked at their lives the same as your sister seems determined to do? I would be concerned, but not anywhere near the extent you seem to be with your sister. If my sisters asked for my opinion, I would tell them, and leave it at that.
My feeling is this, you cannot make anyone love themselves or give them happiness. If they don't love themselves and their family enough to do what is medically necessary, far be it from me to be able to get them to do so. While concerned, I have never and will never let their adult decisions effect my mental or physical well being.
My remaining sisters decisions I will never let increase any of my own medical issues, including blood pressure, if I had that issue. I have read several of your stories about this sister you have written, and while you have described her as "her own bull headed person", it seems, to me anyways, you still let her bull headed choices effect you.
I understand your wanting "pointers or tips", what I don't understand concerning how she is, is why! Seems like if her own daughter can't convince her, to me it is highly doubtful you will be able to do so.
Hopefully your sister will wake up before it's too late. You have done more than enough, in my opinion, to try to help her "see the light". It is up to her.
02-27-2020 06:31 PM
@hckynut I have kept my mouth shut of late. She talks, I listen, end of story.
However, you should know, she is now and always was on everyone else to do this or that with their health. She is a case of do as I say and not as I do.
I have no intention of trying to convince, cajole or harp at her anymore.
03-04-2020 02:24 AM
When my mom was in the end stages of lung cancer, she was prescribed home oxygen in the large concentrator and had a portable unit for doctors visits. Surprisingly, she didn't put up a fight about wearing it.
Now, my family of Aunts and Uncles, well, that was another story. I come from a family of smokers. Everyone smoked. Except me. When the family was told that they couldn't have their cigarettes, the poop hit the fan.
I am a former RN. Not just an RN, but an RN who worked on a Thoracic Surgery floor. I know lung cancer, I know oxygen. And, I know that open flames and cigarette smoking is a huge No No. A potential kaboom type of No No. But hey, my family knows more. Why? Because "people at bingo smoke while wearing oxygen! Ahh, I have been enlightened. Yes, that is the equivalent of using the National Enquirer as a textbook on healthcare.
I ratted them out to the pulmonary doctor who prescribed the oxygen, because I as a nurse wasn't getting through to them. They finally got the message. Yay.
Fast forward to the day Mom dies. She isn't gone but 15 minutes before they all decide to light up in the house. I try and fail to explain to them that just because Mom isn't using the oxygen, the oxygen concentrator is still present. Still a big risk. That fell on deaf ears, as expected.
Knowing that I couldn't reason with them, I immediately called the oxygen supply company and told them they needed to pick up the concentrator pronto-style, as we had people refusing to stop smoking in the house. Thankfully, they were quite agreeable.
As an RN, I completely understand how people like your sister don't comply with orders. On one hand, they are sort of in denial. I really don't NEED these things like meds and oxygen. On another hand, they are scared, as this is a new experience for them. On yet another hand, them DECIDING what they will comply with gives them a sense of control. Kind of a if I can't control the entire situation, I will control of what I can. Even if it is exactly the opposite of what would help them. It is still control.
My advice to you is that your sister is going to do what she wants, how she wants to do it. Accept it for what it is. If she wants to talk, listen. Then move onto another subject. If she insists on complaining, then remind her that she is making her own decisions and she has no one to blame but herself if she isn't improving. I know that sounds harsh, but in my opinion, you do not get the right to complain if you are choosing to not help yourself.
I wish you and your family the best.
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