Wellness

[RedTop]

For the last 5 years, my 85 year old mother has shown that she doesn’t care about anything.  

At this point, there is absolutely nothing us kids can say, or do, to spark any interest to get our mother back to the way we want her.   Her love for us is unwavering, but she misses my dad and her family more.   

When mom signed her DNR, my brothers and I got on the same page with what that means in her situation.   What she wants, is not what we want, but this is her life story, and we have promised to abide by her wishes.  This past week has been a true challenge, but things were done mom’s way.  I bit my tongue, and kept my opinion to myself.   I just have to stay focused on taking this journey one day at a time.   

[JumpTheRope]

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@chiclets wrote:

@JumpTheRope 

I doubt if you would be scowled upon. You had something important to say concerning the topic and did so. The feelings you mentioned were real. When you read the thread maybe it was helpful to you to read that you were not alone with those thoughts and it might have helped you.

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Thanks chiclets,

I often wonder how difficult it must be for those women who’s very careers

depended upon their “looks”.

I do have empathy for those who’s faces are “frozen” as they attempt to retain their youthful glow.

Reading up on fillers/botox and considering those options was a brief interest of mine several years ago.

Ive no doubt that some women who are experiencing depression might actually benefit from such procedures, since sometimes “feeling/looking good” gives a boost to self-esteem, confidence and attitude.

(I’m not including those who suffer from major depressive disorder).

Being focused on *acceptence* is a daily issue each time I peek in the mirror.

Of course I’ve not surrendered....I still use good skincare products 

and still will not wear make-up. (it just feels yucky!) lol

But the day may come when I decide to try a full coverage foundation.

I have lightly brushed various brands of mineral powder on my face, 

but not seriously, lol.

Maybe since I know I can’t *win* this war, I’m not putting up much of a fight!?

Or I don’t care as much as I think I do??

Whatever the psychological  reasons/logic, I’m still *me* , kind, thoughtful, loving and funny ....to my family. 

And they are the folks who’s opinions truly DO matter.

Speech/Rant over!

[BeccaLou]

@lovesrecess Those days have been gone. I was so heart broken when one Christmas I gather up all the wooden decoupage ornament that the kids and I made when they were little and wrapped them up and gave them each1/3. of them to place on their Christmas tree. But I find out my youngest girlfriend got mad at him and tossed them.. And then my Oldest moved so much and owed money to people , now they tossed them. But it was not a heart break for them, not in the least. So when I hear someone talk about "keepsake" young people now don't give a flip about any thing. Had I known this, I never would have parted with these ornaments. But on the other side of the coin , I decided to give everything away that I used for big get  gathering for the Holidays and now just have dishes just for my husband I. I am not letting myself get attached to the Grandkids even , they have stabbed me though the heart with family ornaments that purchased , I heard my Oldest make a comment "Why does she have those ornaments on her tree, they should be on my tree."So I  have allowd myself to be robbed of the "Keepsakes" of everything. My Bad !! So I think we should move on, and just live our lives the way we want. Life is just Crazy.. I"m letting my self heal slow but steady. Oh It still stings , but it's my doing to how long I put myself though this."Good Bye Yesteryears " Just wonder how bad it will get when their kids kick them.

[LilacTree]

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@RetRN wrote:

Is having your grandson living with you bringing you joy and happiness? Or perhaps has it strained the relationship with your daughter? I would think that three generations living in the same apartment could bring an element of distress. I have no idea, am only speculating. I wish you the best, downsizing as we age makes good sense to me. 

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@RetRN 

Absolutely not. It has made things better.  My daughter is happier, so she’s feeling better.  I hear them laughing in the living room sometimes and it makes my heart sing. I actually dread the day he leaves, which sooner or later he probably will.  I don’t care if the living room looks like a music studio . . . He has brought “life” here!

[LilacTree]

It’s been many weeks since I have revisited this post.  I’m glad I did.  I’m amazed at the depth you have all shown.  Yes, this is a “shopping forum,” but you are not shopping, not at all.  We all sometimes think we are alone with our feelings, especially those of us who know this is probably our last go-around.  But we really all feel the same . . . Something we never thought about when we were younger.  Something we gave no mind to as we interacted with our older relatives.

 I have joined a couple other forums relating to my health issues in order to spare you folks from my constant complaining.  But I always know my true friends are here, right in this “shopping forum.”

Thank you all so much for making this a meaningful thread.

Love, Lilac Tree (Ford)

[Justice4all]

Hi @LilacTree 

Its always good to hear from you!  It's hot here and I'm tired!!  Watching the news, oh boy!  

                                                Love, Justice

[LilacTree]

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t@RedTop wrote:

For the last 5 years, my 85 year old mother has shown that she doesn’t care about anything.  

At this point, there is absolutely nothing us kids can say, or do, to spark any interest to get our mother back to the way we want her.   Her love for us is unwavering, but she misses my dad and her family more.   

When mom signed her DNR, my brothers and I got on the same page with what that means in her situation.   What she wants, is not what we want, but this is her life story, and we have promised to abide by her wishes.  This past week has been a true challenge, but things were done mom’s way.  I bit my tongue, and kept my opinion to myself.   I just have to stay focused on taking this journey one day at a time.   

@RedTop

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through.  But I also understand your mom’s wishes.  I do not have, nor will I sign a DNR.  However, each of my girls have a witnessed and notarized letter from me as to how I would want my last days. It represents to me that I am still in control of my life. They pretty much know already how I feel and I am sure they will follow my wishes.  However, I wanted them to have it in writing just in case any hospital or doctor got in the way.

[LilacTree]

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@Justice4all wrote:

Hi @LilacTree 

Its always good to hear from you!  It's hot here and I'm tired!!  Watching the news, oh boy!  

                                                Love, Justice

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@Justice4all 

I hear ya!

[Ketra]

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@gabstoomuch wrote:

Hi Ford! I completely understand what you are saying, and the frame of mind you are in.

There might be a bit of depression, that is very normal when living day after day with chronic illness. But what I hear most in you is a feeling of being very melancholy. One statement you made, and I so agree with, is that you feel like you are living in a world that is no longer yours.

My Dad went through this when he was about 75, and I was only 30 so I didn't totally understand. Now I am there (only a bit younger by 10 years), but I now know what he means.

The world we lived our lives in, and raised our kids in, is gone forever in my opinion. The world was not scary back then. You could stop and have a conversation with anyone on the street and they would converse back. Now everyone walks with their heads down, looking at phones. Makes it hard to smile and say hi to people.

Family was different also. I used to take my kids to see their grandparents on Sundays, we would have frequent Saturday afternoon get togethers with my siblings, and all our kids would play together.

It seems that no longer happens. This younger generation seem to be living life in high speed, always on the go, never time to stop. I very rarely see any of my kids. I get a text once in a while, but that does not fulfull my heart. I want to hear a voice, have a lunch, find out what is happening in their lives. Even my grandchildren, who are now old enough to visit or call on their own, don't.

I guess what I pictured in my mind as my kids grew up, and my g-kids grew up was that life would be as I was raised, and how I raised them. By making time, a few hours, to stop in and say hi. I feel like the whole family system is no longer in place. The importance of family dinners, or visits, doesn't seem to be as important to them.

It feels to me as if the world sped up as I slowed down. The internet really changed the world, in both a good way yet in a bad way because "I will shoot you a text" took the place of a chat on the phone. It leaves a lonely hole in my heart because it is not that they don't love their family. They just don't make time anymore, unless it is a major holiday that is obligatory that you visit your family.

I am in the same mind set as you also about "stuff". I look around and wonder why I thought so much stuff was needed. I also find it so sad that the upcoming generations have no interest at all in somethings I always thought I would pass on to them and they have no interest at all. In a few years there won't be antiques or family heirlooms to be passed down. No interest and I always wonder if they will regret not wanting anything.

I wish I had a daughter and grandson who would come and help clear the clutter! Just 4 or 5 years ago I was still in the "I might need this someday", and now I would love to just get rid of so much of it. I just can't physically do what I used to be able to do and I find that distressing because it does remind me that there are less days ahead of me than there are in my "life rearview mirror". My lovely kids are always too busy to come help me.

You sound as if you are just reflecting on your life. All the changes we go through in so many decades. Sometimes I wish I could have a "do-over", yet I truly do not like the world we live in now, so my do-over would have to reverse the world back to what it was when people waved hello, and smiled as you passed them while on a walk.

The odd thing for me is that I hardly ever go out of my house now. Out into my yard to look at my flowers etc, but not out to dinner, or to a movie and I am completely OK with that. I was always on the go when younger, now I line up any errands I HAVE to go do that I can't do online and I go out and do them all in one day so I don't have to go out again for a while.

I am sorry you are feelings so physically unwell. Chronic health issues really take a toll on people. I haven't talked to you in ages because I don't really come here much anymore. When I do, you and a few others are the first I look for postings from.

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• @gabstoomuch   I really identify with almost everything you said. You definitely are not alone in your thinking. Thank God for the animals and nature we can still enjoy and love. Humanity is hit or miss and at this point I don’t believe it is wise to blindly trust. I have faith and hope, but it takes a lot for me to trust these days, but I’m ok with that.

[this is my nic]

I think it's an age thing.  We start out feathering our nests, enjoy them, then eventually when all the chicks have left the nest, we start cleaning it out.  Same goes for dressing for success, we gradually acquire wardrobes for work and social events.  Then we find we don't need a wide variety of fashions because we no longer are in the workplace, and social events become rare.  

I have enough good jewelry to cover me for any occasion;  I don't need more.  Same for handbags! 

Every year, I go through my closet and dresser drawers and fill bags for the Salvation Army.   The only items I replace are skin care and cosmetics.