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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,652
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

@kelsey17@house_cat, two sides to every story, each with their challenges.  Offering prayers and best wishes for both of you❤️.  LM

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

[ Edited ]

@house_cat

 

My heart goes out to you.

Your thoughts are expressed so beautifully.💗

 

this quote: “This is a time in our lives when I thought we'd be enjoying the benefits of years of hard work, but instead, it seems we've FF right to our declining years. 

I have great compassion for him and do all I can to make his life easier, but it takes its toll. My friends, though they know our situation, lead very different lives and have expectations for us that we cannot meet, which only makes me feel guilty. 

I know I'm not alone and there are others in far worse situations, but some days are tough.”

 

This could have been written by me. ❤️❤️❤️

 

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,153
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

[ Edited ]

 

@house_cat

 

Not really sure exactly what the word "chronically ill" means in your situation. That word to me can be very vague when describing an illness. My wife and myself have both went through many years of one taking care of the other, but I never considered that to be "chronic", even though 1 or the other of us had continuing serious medical issues for years.

 

I was retired through all those years, which did not mean I was always around other people on a daily basis. I have said here many times that "I have never been bored" in my adult life. Physical issues? I used my mind to keep it from being occupied every waking hour with the illness or injury.

 

When I was dealing with clinically diagnosed Panic/Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression, I used my body to keep my mind being occupied every waking hour with my mental issues.  I find ways to deal with whatever issues I am presented, which does take work to do so. It does not come easily to/for me.

 

My very best to you,

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

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Posts: 4,543
Registered: ‎02-02-2015

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

Just take care of yourself and try to get help when needed if you can.  I think going to doctor's appointments can be extremely draining both physically and mentally.  A lunch or dinner out once or twice a week can be helpful.

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Posts: 1,209
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

@house_cat I know what you’re going through. I had my dear mom live with me for several years before her health got so bad we had to put her in a nursing home. Her health had been failing for several years prior to her living with us and by the time she moved in, her health just declined rapidly. It can be very taxing on the caregiver and the entire family. I prayed a lot and my husband was incredibly helpful and understanding, but it did truly weigh heavy on my physical and mental health. Watching someone you love suffer is at times unbearable and we can feel very helpless and hopeless. 

 

If you can, maybe seek out the help of a counselor. It’s very helpful to talk to someone that is objective. You can talk about things with them that you might not talk about with family members for fear of offending them or hurting their feelings. They can give great insight into ways of dealing with your feelings and it’s comforting to know you’re not alone and people do understand. Sometimes just voicing how you feel can be very therapeutic. I hope you can find someone to help. 

 

And please know that what what you’re feeling, sadness, anger, frustration, are all very normal. Take care and I will say a prayer that you find a good listening ear.

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Registered: ‎01-01-2014

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

I myself have 3 critical illnesses.  My friend (actually my hair sytist that we have grown very close to) tells everyone that I am never unhappy and I compliment every person I pass.  (Which I do as everyone has a good quality or something pretty on one can give them a compliment on)  I go on good days to the dollar store and hold on to a cart and walk and always come home with a couple of new phone numbers of "new friends" that I meet (from my compliments which were true that start nice conversations).  

 

I have had nurses that work in the spirometry department at the hospital have to retake the test more then once because we always are laughing so hard.  When I apologized they made the comment they were not used to someone that was HAPPY with lung function of 22 coming to their testing area and most were not in good moods.  They were kind enough to walk out and tell my family how special I had been to them.  Such a kind gesture on their part.  

 

How Do I stay so happy?   It is not because I am madly in love, it is because I appreciate the life God has given me for 61 years.  Many people do not have the good life I did growing up and the good job I had for 36 years. I have been blessed and if God feels it he is ready for me, I will be going my eternal resting place where there will be no racial tensions, no political issues, no chance of war, no prejudice against any sexual orientation, religion, race etc.   There will be FINALLY LOVE OF ALL BY ALL.   I am just thankful for the life I have had.

 

As far as family, they do not deal with it as well as I do.  I can't answer for them but they want to make believe none of it is happening.  

 

My words are "no one has a crystal ball", I may be here posting 10 years from now.  Until then, let's have fun.  

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,149
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

That's a heart wrenching situation. I wonder how he copes during the nine months when you are kept busy with your job. It must be a lonely existence for your DH.

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Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

@kelsey17 this is a brilliant statement. I am hooked up to oxygen and feel at times like a caged tiger.  I am not a large girl and to bath, dress and hook up my portable oxygen wears me out.  Then to walk carrying the portable oxygen is like carrying a bag of onions around at all times (why I only go places with carts to put it in). 

 

My better half, goes out to his shop and works which he has equipped with A/C, TV and computer.  All he needs is a bed and he has a cottage.  Thankfully I have one son that comes over everyday to ensure I get a good dinner and sit with me.  I have my work friends (even though I have not worked in 3 years) that continue to send me care packages of Pj's, sunglasses, flip flops and tons of gift cards.   I am lucky and feel fortunate to have such good friends but when alone it is like being in a cage.   

 

Your comment made Very good sense to one that is going through the illnesses.   I do not feel sorry for myself at all as everyone on earth has issues.  

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Posts: 4,517
Registered: ‎04-10-2012

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?


@Moroco wrote:

@kelsey17 this is a brilliant statement. I am hooked up to oxygen and feel at times like a caged tiger.  I am not a large girl and to bath, dress and hook up my portable oxygen wears me out.  Then to walk carrying the portable oxygen is like carrying a bag of onions around at all times (why I only go places with carts to put it in). 

 

My better half, goes out to his shop and works which he has equipped with A/C, TV and computer.  All he needs is a bed and he has a cottage.  Thankfully I have one son that comes over everyday to ensure I get a good dinner and sit with me.  I have my work friends (even though I have not worked in 3 years) that continue to send me care packages of Pj's, sunglasses, flip flops and tons of gift cards.   I am lucky and feel fortunate to have such good friends but when alone it is like being in a cage.   

 

Your comment made Very good sense to one that is going through the illnesses.   I do not feel sorry for myself at all as everyone on earth has issues.  


My heart goes out to you.....i am so sorry for your situation.......i know how hard it is to see others around you living their lives so normally.....and like you say....you don't feel sorry for yourself....you just kinda wish it could be you.............if even for just a little while...........like you say everyone has some issues...and you are not alone...

my best wishes and prayers go to you......and when i am down...i try to think of the blessings life has given me.....

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Posts: 3,970
Registered: ‎09-16-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

@house_cat: We share very similar circumstances. We are 63/62 both disabled retired.DH has fibromyalgia and other joint issues from head to toe , depression and memory issues. I am determined to keep going and provide care for my precious DH. I am in pain daily but refuse to sit down and give up. The majority of our  friends, also do not understand but think we can do more. DH when he has a better day likes to go out and eat and go to Walmart. He has a friend that takes him out weekly if he can go - for breakfast or lunch. I have two friends that get me out every two weeks, we are very thankful for this help. You and your precious DH will be in my thoughts and prayers. Southern Bee